OMG

Oh My God because there are just SO many things happening now -- with my kids, at home, at work and with hubby.

So I now have a 5 year old who will be moving up to Prep I this April. Eeeks! He has 2 years before he enters 1st grade. 1st grade!?!
-
Dash turns 9 months today. Quite sad in a way. Just another reminder for me that my baby may soon not be a baby anymore. Arghh. And seriously, when I hold Dash in my arms - which happens very seldom now a days as he prefers to be moving around the house 'independently' - I secretly say to myself that, uh, I think I will want another one of these cute things by next year. Ahhh! I know, I am dreading that thought. I thought I was all good with my 2 boys why want another baby again?
-
OK, aside from that I have been stressed just thinking about this: Our nanny wants to pursue a college degree (!). I know. And she wants to enroll by this June. She told me she will only be getting a few units so that she will have more time for Dash. I also have MY own plans of continuing my Masters degree while still working. And even if I have told myself a number of times that I will expect Jet to care for Dash while the nanny is gone I do not wish to pretend that that will be a perfect plan. Yes Jet can care for the kids. IN fact I can leave the kids with him for a whole day but not for DAYS. Like it becomes his routine? NO way. I know that we will end up fighting.
I have considered resigning -- even if I love my job. But if I leave my job, I will be throwing away my health insurance which also covers my hubby and the kids, a good enough compensation package and other perks that the family gets to enjoy. Come to think of it, I am pretty lucky to have my job, considering the fact that our city has very few big, transnational companies.
Unless hubby gets a job by then, then maybe I will seriously consider finding a part time job, like maybe tutoring ESL.
Then there's the dilemma with the nanny. Should I still keep her? Will it all be worth it? If I let her go, it is very hard to find a replacement, more so, someone like her. She has been with us for 3 years and has not caused us any major problems. I can trust my kids with her, I can leave the home and know that when I come back my house has not burned down, she never touches my jewelry and we trust that she never touches our money.
So what do you think?
-
And oh yeah, hubby and I will be celebrating our 10 years of being together! Aahhhh! March 13, 1997. That was the day I met the boy who would eventually become my husband. Together for 10 years, living together for 6 years and married for 3 years.
More on our love story later.
-
I gotta go stress myself out some more

Josh's 5th Birthday

The weekend was great! The resort wasn't too great though. But anyway, my worries about having noisy hotel room neighbors were put aside as the receptionist put us in the other wing. I found out that half of the hotel or the left wing of the hotel (10 rooms) and 6 cottages were rented out by Koreans for a good 3 months and made the resort their "English school" until March. The Philippines has become a very popular destination for ESL students as Filipinos charge a lot cheaper than if they were to study in their own country.

So anyway, back to Josh's birthday. We all woke early on Saturday as I double checked our things and made sure we did not forget anything. Jet took a look at the things and asked me if we were goiung to be gone for a week. Duh, I am OC when it gets to packing, I have to make sure that we have everything we will ever need. So I brought Dash's bumbo and car seat. Jet convinced me to leave the bouncer, sterilizer and walker -- unless I was willing to hitch a ride on a bus ao that all the things would fit. So sterilizer, walker and bouncer were left. The trip was short, about 45 minutes to an hour. My Aunt and cousin were with us too. Jet's mom and his 2 sisters rode in a separate car. We checked in at the PTA (Philippine Tourism Authority) Beach Resort. It is a public beach resort which used to be run by the PTA when it opened in 1973 (uh did I mention that this resort is also very old?!?) which is now run by the local municipality. Anyway, Imelda Marcos developed this and made it her rest house. Let me tell you, this must have been a beautiful resort when it was still new. It still is a very wide and pretty resort except that it has become so run down already. Plus, their service sucks big time. So...After checking the rooms and the hotel facilities, Jet and I agreed to bring the kids to the Water Park and then come back at night instead.

Josh had a blast. He even went on the big water slide although I'm pretty sure he got a bit shocked after riding down. Dash loved the water. We got him a lifesaver where he could sit down. Oh boy he loved it.

For dinner, Jet and I were able to buy crabs and shrimps at the local market and decided to cook it for dinner. We also got Josh a mini-cake so that he could blow his candle. It was sweet of my cousin (who also happens to be Josh's godparent) to bring her gift for Josh so before we all went to sleep. Josh opened his gift and boy was he pleased to see another Thomas train and additional tracks.

The next day, we all woke up early again and took an early morning walk along the beach. They have a lovely beach front except that it is a dirty beach front. I don't think they comb the sand at all. Plastics and beer bottles were all over the place. So we decided not to try the water. We headed back to have breakfast and then took a dip in the pool. We had lunch and then headed back home.

I can't believe I have a 5 year old now. Time sure does fly -- too fast.

Random Pictures

My happy 9 month old baby

My 5 year old school boy

This is the closest we get to an exersaucer. Keeps him busy anyway.

Mr. Potatohead R2D2. OK, I am the one who really really wanted this. And I so want a Mr. Poatohead Darth Vader. The store ran out. Love It. Love It.

Wish Us Luck...We Are Going To Have A Blast

So anyway, in connection to my previous post, my MIL was convinced by Jet to bring her car. Good thing. But still no changes on the resort. We will still be going to a cheaper resort and when I made the reservations this morning, the front desk lady informed me that the resort is pretty fully packed -- with Koreans. Uggghhh. No offense but there are a LOT of Koreans in the Philippines. And guess what, they become soooo loud when they get drunk. And yes, a lot of them enjoying getting drunk. I am not saying that all of them are that way, but a lot of them are. So anyway, I requested the lady to book our rooms the farthest from their many many guests. Ugghhh.
I so do not want to get too moody and sensitive about all this because I do not want to spoil Josh's birthday.
So anyway.
I took the morning off because Jet and I brought birthday snacks for Josh's class to enjoy. OK, I am not sure if snack is the right term. We took out Happy Meals for the kids -- chicken and rice with juice. I'm pretty sure the kids enjoyed it though. Josh's school prohibits junk food and chocolate as snacks for the kids, so we had to be pretty careful about choosing the most nutritious among all the happy meals. Well, if I had the time I would have chosen to cook up a good meal and made goody bags for the kids. Maybe...Hopefully, one day I will have the luxury of being a Stay At Home Mom.
So, here's wishing to an enjoyable birthday weekend for Josh.
Happy 5th birthday Josh!

Allow Me To Complain

Ughhhh. That is how I feel today. Ughhh.
It's Josh's 5th birthday on Saturday and Jet and I planned an overnight trip to the beach to celebrate his birthday. We planned on this almost a month ago. So we also thought of inviting my MIL and 2 SIL's but expenses were to be split. Well not really split, like we pay for our expenses, they pay for theirs. Money is tight nowadays so treating them was out of the question. But being too stingy was and is also out of the question. I would want to spend on good hotel accommodations and good food. If there is one thing I enjoy spending on is food. That is one thing I will not be stingy about -- for as long as the food is good and reasonably priced, I don't mind spending on it.
Crappy thing is my MIL makes her money spending such a huge issue.
Jet told her that we were able to find a AAA+ water park resort. We have been there a zillion times, rooms are very new and clean. It costs 6000 pesos/night ($120). We do not need to eat in the resort because there are good seafood restaurants nearby. Plus I am so sure that Josh will have a blast on the water slides and the wave pool and all the other fun water rides. And that is what I want for Josh, for him to enjoy his birthday. SO anyway, MIL thinks is too damn expensive. Another crappy thing, MIL wants to ride down in the van with us. OK, so that would make 10 of us fitting ourselves into the van -- which I am totally hating. Jet suggested that she take her car down and we can convoy and MIL says she doesn't want to spend on the gas. Grrrr.
Cut the even longer story short, I am just so irritated and annoyed.
More annoying part is Jet just keeps telling me to adjust and to just let it go.

I am currently trying to just let all of this go. This is Josh's birthday and I wish not spoil it any further.
Uggghhhh.

Just This Morning At 5AM

Dimly lit room. Sun not rising yet. Jet snoring his heart out. Josh snoring a bit...following the footsteps of his dad. Lou Ann, comfortably snuggled under her comforter. Dash, who happens to be sleeping beside Lou Ann, starting to toss and turn. Lou Ann starting to dread Dash's eventual waking as she opens her left eye to peep at Dash. Dash finally flips on his tummy, 2 round eyes pop open. Lou Ann immediately shuts her left eye and pretends to go back to sleep, but yes she is still sleepy.

Dash: Ah-da-da-da-da Ah-uh-ah-ah-ah-ah-eh

Lou Ann carefully peeps but not really opening her eyes in such away that Dash sees her awake.
Dash looks around. Uses Lou Ann's tummy to catch a glimpse of his dad and brother who are still peacefully sleeping on the mattress below.

Dash: A-da-da-da Wa-wa-da-wa-wa-ah-ah

Dash starts to pound his fat fists on Lou Ann's tummy.
Lou Ann opens her mouth accidentally because all she really wanted to do was say OUCH.
Dash catches a glimpse of Lou Ann's opened mouth. He moves a bit closer to Lou Ann's face. Poke mouth. Poke eyes. Pointer finger into her nostril. Forces Lou Ann's mouth to open. Poke eyes.
Lou Ann remains motionless.

Dash: urghhhhh (grunt) uhhhhhhh (grunt) ughhhh (grunt)

Stinky aroma fills the air.
Lou Ann can't help it. She kicks off her blanket.

Looks like a wonderful day ahead!
Good Morning!

The Babe Won't Sit

Yes, the little one refuses to learn how to sit. (!) Argh. I don't understand why Dash is so lazy to sit down. He is either on his tummy, "swimming" on the floor (as he hasn't mastered the art of crawling but is on his way to doing so), standing while holding on to the (a) side of the bed, (b) sofa or (c) rails of his day crib OR tied to my hips. So why does he refuse to sit down? The closest he get to the sitting position is when he is in his bumbo. When I try to prop him up, he prefers to fall front and look like a frog before falling on his sides or he just falls backwards. Dash is already 8 1/2 months and still no sitting folks. I just have this notion that if the little one learns how to sit, then he will be able to entertain himself more too. I could leave his toys in front of him and I am sure he will start playing with them. OK, not toys, he prefers paper, the remote control, my cell phone, my wallet -- anything for as long as it is not a baby toy (Geez how I love buying him rattles and teethers and plush stuffed toys and toys with crinkly material).
Josh was sitting on his own when he was 7 months. And this was a big help because I could leave him in his crib for almost an hour while he played and I could do things around the house.And that is exactly what I have been wishing for for Dash because when he is "swimming" around the house, I have to keep a close watch over him to make sure he doesn't pick up anything that could harm him or that he doesn't go too far. Or when he is pretending to think that he can stand on his own, I still have to make sure I am gently holding him by his hips or on his back since he hasn't perfected his balance yet. Gawd worse is when he decides to lock his 2 fat legs around my waist for me to carry him around the house with me while I do what I have to do. He has also learned the art of not going to a person who he doesn't want to go to. The grip of those 2 tiny fat hands! Man they crumple my shirt real well!
And this learning how to crawl thing. I know that it will promote the development of his fine motor skills but gawd! Josh never crawled you see so this crawling thing is something very new to me. Josh sat at 7 months and was walking by 11 months.
So there, the babe won't sit. Na-uh.

Their Love Story

Found this picture of Mom and Dad, circa 1970's.

(all hippie and flower power-ish)

Mom's dad, my lolo (grandpa) was a doctor and Mom's mom, my lola (grandma) was a pharmacist. My lolo had his own clinic and my lola had her small pharmacy at the bottom of Session Road, the main commercial road in Baguio City.

Dad's dad, my gramps (as I always called him), was a lawyer and writer/journalist and Dad's mom, my gramma, was a social worker.

Both families were old timers of Baguio City and both families knew each other very well. Mom and her siblings went to a private catholic school for elementary while Dad and his siblings went to a public school. Come high school, Mom and Dad went to the same school. Funny thing is the siblings of Mom and Dad were batch mates and ended up being classmates in high school.

When Dad was younger, he used to sell newspaper and shine the shoes of my lolo. Little did my Dad know that Lolo would be his father-in-law in the future.

Mom and Dad were high school classmates. According to my Mom, she had the hugest crush on Dad for the longest time but Dad being his quiet, reserved self, never paid much attention to Mom. Come college, Mom studied in Baguio while Dad went on to study in Manila. During the semestral break, Mom would ask their family driver to drive past the Hamada residence along Kisad Road in the hope of catching a glimpse of Dad. There were times that they would drive past Dad's family house without a sign of Dad anywhere but there would be times when Dad would be standing in the driveway. Mom said that when this would happen, she would hide in the backseat and carefully peep out the window trying her best to hide from Dad but still catch a glimpse of him. (Geez)

So anyway, finally, after having their own girlfriends and boyfriends and after the longest courtship in the world, Mom and Dad tied the know when they were 33 and 32 years old respectively.

Mom and Dad loved each other so much. They would fight yes, but they loved each other. Mom meant the world to my Dad and Dad stood as Mom's strength.

Mom had 3 pregnancies. One before me but she miscarried when she was only a few weeks on the way. Then she had me. She had to be on complete bed rest when she was carrying me. And then she had one more after me. I was 4 years old then I think. But she miscarried again.

I admire the relationship Mom and Dad shared. They made decisions together. The argued about a lot of things. Although never said, they taught me the value of keeping the marriage sacred.

I remember what Dad told Jet one time : "Jet. this is what my Dad always tole me, the most painful thing to see is to see a woman cry."

One of Mom's last wishes was that she be cremated and a part of her ashes be out "right on top of Steve's heart." Dad was buried at our family plot.

Their story is one I hold in my heart dearly and will share with my boys as they grow up.

In The Still Of The Night

When everyone has gone to bed -- hubby snoring his heart out, Josh snuggled under his blanket and Dash looking like the most behaved angel in the whole universe -- I sometimes just lay in bed under the covers and ponder on things. I think about life in general, my life, my children's future, the what if's and why not's. Then I find myself in tears. I recall my childhood memories, how simple life was back then. I think of Dad -- how I was always his little princess. I think about Mom -- how she was always my best friend. I remember the pain and anger I caused my parents. I look at my husband -- I can't help but be thankful for his presence in my life, how I was given a new reason to wake up each morning knowing that for the rest of my life I will have someone to love and take care of, argue, debate and fight with. I stare at my children's faces and can't help but be amazed and stand in awe of the miracle of life -- did this tiny bean really grow in my womb for 9 months?
-
I think of Dad -- and I cry. I remember how his drinking problem became a very big part of my mom's and my life. I remember when I was 5 or 6 years old and my Dad came home drunk as usual, my Mom looked so desperate and exasperated and I hugged my Mom and told her, "just smile Ma." My Dad had a lot of hurts, frustrations, anger and bitterness in him. Being the artist and writer that he was, he was a man of few words -- when he was sober. He turned to alcohol as an outlet to sharpen his tongue. But he was a good man. All of his actions were out of the goodness of his heart. He was a very misunderstood man. Often thought of to be a drunk with no other purpose and sense in this world. But I loved my Dad dearly. He always wanted the best for me. I tried to understand him when I was growing up but I guess I only got to fully comprehend all these when he had gone -- gone on to the Great Newsroom in Heaven -- where his talent, skills and love for writing would be truly appreciated.
-
My grandfather, Sinai C. Hamada was born a writer. He published a book of a collection of his short stories and poems. He was recognized as a great writer in our country. After graduating from Law School and passing the bar exams as the 11th placer, he came back to our hometown Baguio City and set up his own Newspaper. Here my Dad grew up together with his 5 other siblings -- exposed to the smell of the printing press and the life of a newsman. He went off to college after which he came back to Baguio and worked with my grandfather at the Baguio Midland Courier. He was a good newsman, never giving in to political bribes -- he spoke the truth. After a few years, the older brother of my grandfather Sinai, out of sheer greed, heartlessly grabbed the Midland Courier from our family. A lot of hurt, pain and anger grew in my Dad's heart.
-
I remember on December 22, 2003, my wedding day, my Dad walked me down the aisle to the song of Butterfly Kisses. As he was standing there waiting for me to lock my arm around his arm, he looked at me. He gave me a half smile and then my tears just started to fall. I walked down the aisle crying and when it was time for my Dad to "give me away" I hugged him sooo tightly knowing that in a few moments, my Dad would have to share me with another man. The man my Dad would trust my life to for the years to come.
-
In the still of the night.

Your Blogging Type is Logical and Principled

You like to voice your well thought out opinions on your blog.And if someone doesn't what you write, you really don't care!Serious and blunt, sometimes people take your blog the wrong way.But you're a true and loyal friend to those who truly get you.

What's" Your Blogging Personality?

I Heart Them

I have decided to list down the movies I Love SO Much. Happy Hearts Day Everyone.

1. FAME -- I so love love love this movie. I watched it when I was about 6 or 7 and I fell in love with it. "...I sing the body electric. I celebrate the me yet to come. I toast to my own reunion. When I become one with the stars..."

2. Cutting Edge -- Perfect Chemistry between Kate Moseley and Doug Dorsey. Toe pick!

3. Fools Rush In -- Matthew Perry I Love You!

4. Sleepless In Seattle -- Who doesn't love this movie!?!

5. Rainman -- watched it for the 1st time on a flight en route from Amsterdam to Tanzania. I was 6 1/2. But I loved it. I cried. I watched it again when I was 13 or 14. I loved it. I cried.

6. Weekend At Bernie's -- Almost died laughing.

7. Pretty Woman -- My Mom watched in when I was 7 and she did not allow me to watch it until I was 15, I think, but I had to look away when there were scenes I wasn't supposed to see. Watched this around 22 times after that.

8. Beaches -- Starring Bette Midler and Barabara Hershey. I cried again. That was sad.

9. With Honors -- Brendan Fraser and Moira Kelly -- so cute together in this film. Cried again.

10. To Kill A Mockingbird -- although I like the book the best.

By Josh

Josh: Mom, Can you buy me peanuts?

Me: Uh ok honey...why do you want peanuts? You have a lot of cookies and biscuits in the cupboard.

Josh: Because I want to be strong like Popeye! He eats peanuts and then he becomes so strong with all his muscles!

Me: Oh! Josh, Popeye doesn't eat peanuts, he eats SPINACH! I could get some spinach later...

(Josh sits and thinks for a while)

Josh: Oh so, Dora speaks SPINACH

Me: No sweetheart, Dora speaks Spanish

A Penny For You Thoughts

Help needed. I hope a lot of you out there will share with me your thoughts and suggestions.

How do I teach my 5 year old little boy the value of money? Jet and I would want to start teaching Josh the importance of saving. Ideally, we would want to come up with some sort of a uh, "project" for him which will involve his having to save up money in order to "buy" a simple toy he really wants. Like we were thinking of coming up with a reward system where we will give him x amount of money if he ____(fill in the blank with a verb, for as long as it is anything legal for a 5 year old to do)_____ which he will save up in his piggy bank. Every 2 weeks, we will allow him to check on his savings and if it sums up to a reasonable amount wherein he can use the money to buy himself a toy he has been eyeing, then he can go ahead and do so. BUT we will also offer him the option of not spending his money YET, instead, he will continue to save up so that his savings increase therefore allowing him to buy a toy he wants even more (usually something more expensive). Aside from this, I want to teach him the importance of also saving part of his money for long-term purposes. We opened an account for him and we would want him to realize that he will also have to contribute to the "accumulating" of his wealth (HAH that made me laugh).

So there, do you have simpler ways in mind? Any system you have tried with your kids which you may want to suggest I try?

Between the Sock and The Cookie...I Still Am Quite Confused

Chemotherapy : The 1st Cycle

When Dr. Heavensent left the room, Mom and I sat in silence. I really didn't know what to say OR I'm sure I had a lot to say but I just didn't know if I should even say anything -- ever got that feeling? So anyway, we sat in silence. We didn't even ask Dr. Heavensent when they would start her first cycle of chemotherapy.

-

At this point, I had NO IDEA what chemotherapy was all about. All I knew about it was it made my Lolo (Grandpa) bald and I was terrified by it. I was 4 years old when Lolo was battling his brain cancer. And my Mom and I would travel down to Manila on weekends to visit him in the hospital and I would not be allowed inside the hospital because I was too young, so when my Mom would go in, either one of my Aunts or Uncles would have to wait with me outside the hospital.

-

We tried to go about the day as normal as possible. Pretending to watch re-runs of FRIENDS, read the papers, I even went to the cafe to grab some pastries, pasta and frapps for us to snack on. On my way up, I passed by this magazine stand and saw a magazine titled "The BIG C." I browsed thru it and saw that it had a lot of information regarding cancer, how it develops, the different treatments, articles on caregivers of cancer patients, etc. I decided to buy the magazine and I excitedly proceeded back to Mom's room. When I opened the door, I enthusiastically told Mom about the magazine and she excitedly flipped thru the pages of the magazine. Me, being too excited got the magazine from her and started reading page by page. In between my reading, I would read out loud some interesting cancer fact. Later on, after reading thru the magazine, I told Mom to read it too as it contained a lot of helpful information. And then that's when my Mom said "I don't want to." And I was like, why? It has a lot of interesting facts blah blah. And she just said " Because it makes me scared." I was being insensitive.

Later that night, I was lying on Mom's hospital bed and she was sitting on the chair, the nurse came in and informed Mom that she will have to start taking a couple more medicines. And we both asked the nurse what that was for. The nurse told us that it is a drug that will help decrease the nauseating feeling after chemotherapy. GREAT. Just what we wanted to hear. So I told the nurse that we were not yet informed about the start of the treatment and that we would want to hear all the details first before anything else. Yes I kinda snapped at the nurse, I guess I was already panicking by this time. After a few minutes, Mom's team of doctors came to our room. They were very apologetic about catching us off guard and they were sorry that they failed to talk to us first. So yeah. Mom and I asked all possible questions, like : When will the first chemotherapy session be? How will it be administered? How long will it take? What will she feel while having her chemo? What will be the arrangements for succeeding chemo sessions? What are the side effects? Will there be a restriction on her diet? Of course, I just had to ask this: When will her hair fall off? Gawd I don't know why but I was so worried about her hair falling off.

-

So Dr. Bello (assistant of Dr. Heavensent) tried to answer all our questions. He is a very uptight man by the way, Mom and I just loved teasing him and joking him all the time. It drove us nuts just seeing him so tense and serious. So anyway, Dr. Bello said Mom will be having her first out of six chemo sessions the next day, it will be administered by IV and will take approximately 3-4 hours. There is no pain felt during the chemo itself, it'll just be like a normal IV dripping into your system. For the next chemo sessions, it will be possible for Mom to have her chemo in the ambulatory section, that is, she can come to the hospital and then leave right after her chemo session. Possible side effects would be loss of appetite, nausea, mouth sores, fatigue. There will be no restriction on her diet. As for the falling off of her hair, it will depend. Sometimes it falls off sometimes it doesn't. Dr. Bello also gave a brief background of the drugs that would be used. I pretended to understand it.

-

So OK that was settled. First chemotherapy tomorrow.

As soon as Dr. Bello left the room, I told Mom that everything would be OK. And then we started to send text messages to all our relatives and friends asking for prayers. Mom then popped in the medicine the nurses gave her. I took this as a sign that she was ready for her chemo. In a way I guess. I told myself that I had to be ready too.

-

I'm not sure if I was able to sleep well that night but I remember waking up early the next day. Mom and I had our breakfast and then I told her that it would be good if I washed her up early so that she would be ready early enough. So I washed her hair and gave her a sponge bath (since there was still an IV connected to her, a real bath wasn't possible yet and her wound from the tube inserted in her lung was still a bit fresh). After that, I took a bath and got ready. Today was the big day. While I was in the bathroom, so many thoughts were running thru my mind. I started to think about how things would have been if my Dad were still alive. Would my Dad be able to take all this stress and tension? Would he be able to stomach sitting in the hospital room watching Mom like this? Or would he have decided to just stay home and drown his sorrows in alcohol? Was it bad for me to be thinking that I thought it better that Dad "went ahead" so that he would not have to experience this?

-

My Aunt then arrived. After a few minutes, my cousin came. Plus one of my Mom's friends, we called ourselves the hospital brigade. We would all be together in the hospital everyday since my Mom's confinement. Together we would laugh, drink coffee, read magazines and take pictures. We would have a party almost everyday. That was until Mom's first chemo session. We were all pretending it to be a normal "hospital" day but in truth and in fact we were all f**ki*ng scared. I slipped out of the room for a while and just let my tears fall. Man, what was this all about?

-

When I got back in, Mom was already laying on the bed under her comfy blankies, holding her Bible. A few minutes after, Dr. Heavensent arrived, being her bubbly encouraging self, she sat beside Mom and held Mom's hand. "Mommy everything will be fine. We are going to make you well. The medicines will remove that ball in your lung don't worry, okay? And I will be checking in on you every 30minutes. Do not worry, relax. The Lord is in control." Mom just smiled. And the Dr. Heavensent sent for the nurses to prepare the taxotere and cisplatin. Here we go.

-

The nurses came in with 2 glass bottles, they were not too big. The first one they were to administer would be the taxotere and then the cisplatin. One of the bottles had to covered in carbon paper to protect it from being exposed to any form of light, so even Mom's IV tube had to be covered. I know Mom was freaking out by this time because she wasn't saying anything anymore. My Aunt, my cousin and I just sat around Mom. And then the medicines started to drip. Slowly dripping into her body, spreading thru her veins, slowly making its way to her lungs. Every after 5 minutes I would ask Mom how she was feeling and she kept telling me that she didn't feel a thing, it felt like a normal IV medicine entering her body. The nurses would come in every now and then to ask her how she was doing. Dr. Heavensent came in and even sat with us for a good 1 hour. We told stories and asked questions about her. I so love that lady. And then Dr. Heavensent "Look Mommy, you're almost done with your 1st bottle, see how fast?" Dr. Heavensent left and said that she would be back.

-

After a while, I sensed Mom to be relaxed already as she asked me to page Dr. Heavensent and ask if she could drink coffee. And then we all realized that since we were all so nervous, sacred and worried, everyone forgot about lunch. A lot more relaxed by this time, Mom asked me to go buy lunch. She sat up and said, "We might as well have a party." Party it is. I left the hospital and ran to take out some food. I returned with roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, macaroni salad and brownies.

-

In no time, both IV bottles were empty.

My Day and Other Musings

I took the day off again yesterday as hubby and I brought Dash to the peed to have his left eye checked and then the peed referred us to an EENT. Anyway, turns out it was bacteria that infected his eyes so he was prescribed an anti bacterial eye drop which is the hardest to administer to an 8 month old baby who just want to grab it when he sees me holding it over his eyes. But his eye looks better already although this morning when he woke up, there was still secretions coming out. Hopefully this disappears soon. I really hate it when my kids are sick. It's the worse feeling in the world. I am glad I was able to spend a whole day with the kids again. I got to bring Josh to school ( I am rarely able to do this, which sucks, I know) and I was able to pick him up. I so love the reaction of Josh when he sees that I am the picking him up. His eyes just light up. Love love love his reaction. In the afternoon, hubby and I took the kids to the park. It was Dash's first time on the slide, looked like he enjoyed it. He must have had butterflies in his tummy hahaha.
------

Josh turns 5 in 17 days. 5!?! Eeeesh. This is what I have been dreading, another year older. Last night, I asked him "Hey Josh, how old are you going to be on your birthday?" and he says " I'm turning 5! Mom, I can't wait to be 20." And I asked him "Why?" and he said "Because I want to be a big brother to Dash." And I said, "But you are his big brother Josh, no matter how old you are" and Josh stopped to think for a while and said "No, I want to be a big big big brother. Bigger than I am now."
Oh no kid, I don't think you'd want to be 20. Don't equate age with size please. Haha. But of course I didn't burst his bubble.
Kids say the darnest things.

Refreshed

Early Friday morning, around 430AM, shortly after I gave Dash his 2nd feeding, I heard this horrifying sound. Sounded something like BAAAAAM - BAAAAAAM - BOOOOM - SCREEEEEECH. I thought it was an earthquake but when I heard the screech I figured that it was a car accident. Little did I know that some drunk guy rammed his 4x4 into our stone wall. So later that morning, while getting ready for work, Jet went out to check out what exactly happened. Apparently, the drunk guy destroyed our stone wall and just left his car parked (destroyed) in front of our gate. Okay, so how were we supposed to get the care out of our driveway? We didn't even know who owned the car. Anyway, I was able to hitch a ride to work. Later on that day, Jet decided to stay home and wait for that guy to show up to claim his car but also, Jet already called the police. So around 10AM, the police arrived together with the guy. He was an American guy who owns a resto / bar in our city. The police informed him that he will have to pay for the damages to property. According to Jet he almost went wild upon hearing this. He arrogantly answered by saying " you expect me to pay for that?! can't you see what happened to me and my car?" Yeah right, that would not have happened if you were not DRUNK you a**ho**. That got me a bit irritated, annoyed and angry. So anyway, the police informed him that they will not be releasing his driver's licence and both plate numbers if he would fail to pay for or fix the damages. Good thing in the afternoon, he sent over some men to get the job done. Geez.

-----

I am feeling a bit refreshed. The weekend was as usual --GREAT. I got to spend a lot of time with hubby and the kids. One of the best things about weekends for me is that I am able to cook up a good breakfast for everyone to enjoy. No rushing, no resorting to heating up left overs and no canned goods for the sake of quick and non-time consuming cooking.

Pancakes, bacon, sunny side eggs and orange juice.
------

Also, I was able to click away and take pictures of my kids.

------
Sunday, after Sunday worship, hubby, Josh, Dash and I had lunch out. It was a splendid sunny yet chilly afternoon. The nice thing too about Josh is that, dining out is all worth it in the sense that when we order him a separate meal (if he shares a meal with me or Jet, one of us is bound to be left with a half filled tummy), he really finishes it. You know, like we get our money's worth because he can finish up a whole meal by himself. So everybody full, everybody happy.

------

Also, for the past 2 days, Dash's left eye had been red. Yesterday afternoon, it looked terrible. Since he is all over the floor now (as he is pretending to know that he can crawl), he gets all dirty. And he probably rubbed his eyes with his little dirty hands. I already started with anti bacterial eye drops. So hopefully it'll improve soon.

------
I am back to work. A bit refreshed as compared to how I was feeling last week. I am just feeling a bit uh, OK, lazy. For the past week, I have been transcribing L-O-N-G case hearings. Aside from the fact that it is required of me to do so, it also helps me a lot when it comes to documenting the whole case. But still. Gawd it takes up soooo much of my time. I wish this particular case be closed soon. It involves one of our managers who has certain issues raised against him -- performance, attendance and ethics issues to be exact. And yeah, I have asked myself as well as my boss numerous times -- Why Not Terminate? But then again there is what we call Just Cause and Due Process. A lot of times, as in a lot of companies, there is always "Just Cause" but often fail when it comes to the technicalities of "Due Process." So even if the process IS (damn) tedious, time consuming and draining, it is a MUST that we follow the proper system. All part of the " Best Practices" every company should possess. But then again, arghhhh. SO yeah, I hope this gets closed soon or I'm going to lose my mind. Like I haven't lost it yet.

-----
How was your weekend?

My Pink Tainted Glasses

So yeah, my pink tainted glasses have been crushed. Thing haven't been too pink and rosy and sparkly and glittery in la-la land. I have been emotionally drained the past few days. I believe that I have had no posts regarding my rants and compliants and gripes. Things haven't been too great at home and in the office.
I go throught times of drought, like I just feel so dry inside. A lot of questions flood my mind and my heart aches a bit. Lately, I have found myself trying to asses and reasses my life. I can't quite explain what this is all about nut you know, there are times when I'm in the office and I suddenly wonder what the hell I'm doing here. Shouldn't I be home with the kids? And then I look around me and see a bunch of yuppies, perfectly driven and motivated, determined to climb that steep corporate ladder then I suddenly realize that although I have my kids to take care of, I would also want to join that race and climb the ladder too. ANd then it hits me, am I being too selfish? I don't know.
What about my plans of continuing with my Master's degree? How come I haven't started working on the applucation process? Which got me to think, that if I continue working full time and then enroll this coming semester, I would probably have less quality time with the kids. Unless I pretend to be Superwoman. But I know that it the end, the kids are going to grow up on me and will eventually have a life of their own and I wouldn't want to lose my life now and then later on start trying to look for one when the kids are gone.
I love my family terribly that's why it probably hurts so much at times.
On top of these emotions, I find myself looking for my Mom. She was the only who would never get tired of listening to me. Yes I have friends who I can talk to and pour out my heart and soul to, but sometimes I just feel like not telling them. Like a friend of mine asked me yesterday how I was doing because I didn't look to good, I just felt like telling her " I'm ok, don't worry, I just feel sad because the caterpillar in our backyard got squished by our dog."
We have our good days, we have our bad.

Mornings At Our House

Mornings at our house involve:

1). A pre-schooler who is willing to take the time of his life ever soooooooooooooooo slowly chewing on his food with no sense of time and although aware of my glaring "you better finish up because I cannot be late for work today or my boss is going to issue me a memo again" stare, still manages to make light of the whole situation.

And

2). An 8-month old baby who gobbles up all his mashed food even before I get to put a spoon of my own food in my mouth thus forcing us to give him anything and everything that will serve as a distraction from him so that he will not demand to be picked up while we are still eating.

So yeah, I'd like to think that I have happy kids =)

Josh's Mini Program

Last Thursday, Josh had a mini school presentation. It wasn't anything big, just a few song and dance numbers from the pre school department. Honestly, if not for my kid being a part of the program, I think I would have been bored as hell. The 3 year olds had a hard time doing they're dance steps that they just ended up standing on stage for a whole 5 minutes looking at each other with a couple of them who ended crying when they saw they're mommies in the audience. Josh's class was too playful that although they could do a couple of the dance steps, he and his classmates kept giggling and laughing. But overall, I enjoyed the show--of course!

Lousy pictures, I know, there were just too many parents trying to get pictures of their kids. After the program, Jet, Josh and I had lunch out.