I wrote a post twice or thrice and deleted it twice or thrice - all on the same topic - and now, I have found myself writing about it again.
Ok, so lately I have been feeling weird. Weird not weird as in weird. But just weird. Weird because maybe I have been facing a whole lot of emotions which I have been trying to avoid. Like I just want to leave them floating around somewhere but each time I try to just leave them there, I can feel them lurking around. Watching and waiting for the perfect time to pounce on me and then WHAM! Meltdown.
I have been wondering if I am pushing myself too much. In terms of my career growth, that is. As I mentioned, I will be enrolling in grad school this semester. Why? Because I need it. I need to learn. I want to be more marketable in the future. I know I have to work hard for my children's future. Here in the Philippines, having health and life insurance IS a privilege. Not everybody has one. Here in the Philippines, not everyone has social security. Even if you are employed, some employers do not pay Social Security for their employees. Here in the Philippines, education is never free. In order to secure a good future for yourself, you have to make sure you get into the more prestigious universities in the country. Without that, you will have a very tough time looking for a job. So again, am I pushing myself too much? What about my dreams of becoming a homemaker? I will have to put that on hold. Working from the home is non existent here in the Philippines.
And then I have been lonely lately. The one thing I do not want to "die on me" is my marriage. But lately I have been yearning for something I cannot seem to find. IS it because we have been together for a long time? Is it because we are still young and probably trying to sort out our emotions, dreams and yearnings? Have we become all too familiar with each other? Will love ever be just enough? Is that all that we need to see us through forever?
And at the end of the day, the kids will grow up and have their own lives. In time they will leave. And then whose hand shall I hold when I reach my golden years?
I can go on and on. But I shall stop here.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
This Warm Feeling
Lately I have been keeping mum on certain things I have been busying myself with. Why? Because I did not want to embarrass myself. Hah. I know. Anyway. 2 weeks ago, I finally completed my requirements needed for the Master's degree program I wanted to apply for - which is Masters in Management. I finished everything and then went to submit it. Luckily, upon submission, they gave me my exam schedule.
So....I was just too scared and nervous about taking the exam and was anticipating failing it! Aside from that, just thinking of the MATH part of the exam gives me the shivers. Uh huh, I am NOT good with numbers. I can write a 50 page essay or a 12 page book anytime, but compute? Are ya kidding?
ANYWAY, so yeah, I took the exam. I did not tell anyone - except for my hubby and best friend- that I was going to take the exam. So I went. I thought I was going to pass out, my hands were sweaty and my heart was pounding real fast. I found the first 2 parts of the exam - reasoning and comprehension - pretty easy and I found the numerical ability part: hellish.
SO....yesterday, I received a message requesting me to call the UP Institute of Management so that my interview for the grad school program could be scheduled. Again, I did not tell anyone except for hubby. I went after work and was again nervous but not so nervous. I enjoy interviews actually. In fact, I love interviews. Haha. OK, I love to talk. Yes I do.
When I got there, the director of the institute told me to sit down in the conference room while she went to get my application papers and test results. While sitting there, I wanted to pass out. So she came back in and sat down so she could run me through my test results. Cut the long story short, I did perfectly fine in the first 2 parts of the test but did miserably in the math portion. Told you so, am terrible with numbers. And so I so wanted to pass out again or just shrink or just morph into one of the plants in the conference room. BUT, she continued by saying that based on everything else - forget about the math part - I made it. Woohoo.
And so I left the Institute of Management and while waiting for hubby to pick me up, decided to walk around the campus. This is where my mom taught for 28 years and I graduated from the university as well. I saw a lot of familiar faces, ran into co-teachers of my mom. They greeted me and even stopped to chat with me to ask me how I was doing. You see, growing up, I never had a nanny. So wherever my mom would go, I would be with her. So I basically grew up in that school.
It felt good. I had this certain feeling of familiarity while walking around the campus. I felt warm inside and it just felt so right. It was a feeling I have been yearning for for a long time. A feeling I have been wanting to find since my Mom died. And just being there made me feel that everything was going to be alright.
So....I was just too scared and nervous about taking the exam and was anticipating failing it! Aside from that, just thinking of the MATH part of the exam gives me the shivers. Uh huh, I am NOT good with numbers. I can write a 50 page essay or a 12 page book anytime, but compute? Are ya kidding?
ANYWAY, so yeah, I took the exam. I did not tell anyone - except for my hubby and best friend- that I was going to take the exam. So I went. I thought I was going to pass out, my hands were sweaty and my heart was pounding real fast. I found the first 2 parts of the exam - reasoning and comprehension - pretty easy and I found the numerical ability part: hellish.
SO....yesterday, I received a message requesting me to call the UP Institute of Management so that my interview for the grad school program could be scheduled. Again, I did not tell anyone except for hubby. I went after work and was again nervous but not so nervous. I enjoy interviews actually. In fact, I love interviews. Haha. OK, I love to talk. Yes I do.
When I got there, the director of the institute told me to sit down in the conference room while she went to get my application papers and test results. While sitting there, I wanted to pass out. So she came back in and sat down so she could run me through my test results. Cut the long story short, I did perfectly fine in the first 2 parts of the test but did miserably in the math portion. Told you so, am terrible with numbers. And so I so wanted to pass out again or just shrink or just morph into one of the plants in the conference room. BUT, she continued by saying that based on everything else - forget about the math part - I made it. Woohoo.
And so I left the Institute of Management and while waiting for hubby to pick me up, decided to walk around the campus. This is where my mom taught for 28 years and I graduated from the university as well. I saw a lot of familiar faces, ran into co-teachers of my mom. They greeted me and even stopped to chat with me to ask me how I was doing. You see, growing up, I never had a nanny. So wherever my mom would go, I would be with her. So I basically grew up in that school.
It felt good. I had this certain feeling of familiarity while walking around the campus. I felt warm inside and it just felt so right. It was a feeling I have been yearning for for a long time. A feeling I have been wanting to find since my Mom died. And just being there made me feel that everything was going to be alright.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Happy Mother's Day Ma
As the day gets nearer, I think about Mom too often throughout the day. When she left, I learned one too many things. When she left, I remember too much.
I learned to eat in restaurants alone. Mom and I would ALWAYS try out new restaurants and pretend to be food critiques secretly tasting through the ingredients of sumptuous meals so that we could try cooking them at home. When I was pregnant and hubby was at work, I would crave. And so I would eat our favorite resto's alone. I would not look up, just concentrate on my meal and often wipe away my tears.
I learned to shop by myself. Mom would ALWAYS be my critique - "you look flabby in that" or "that would go well with your khaki slacks." When she left, I became my own critique, always bearing in mind what Mom would have said if she saw me in that outfit. I learned how to cook without consulting anyone. When she left, I depended on my own tongue's taste to assess whether it was too salty or too bland.
I remember when she would come home with a whole bunch of layettes, mittens and baby blankets. Too excited about her first grandson. She would ALWAYS have an excuse to go shopping for him. I remember how excited she was when we first started feeding Josh his solid foods. She always had the tendency to compare what I loved eating when I was a baby to what Josh loved. She enjoyed boiling his potatoes and carrots in chicken broth and mashing them together with soft rice. I remember how she would panic every time Josh would fall or bump his head - we would always end up in the ER - she would tell me never to take chances when it came to Josh. I remember how Josh would make her so crazy about him. I would come home from work and Mom would be there waiting for me ready to tell me too many stories about her apo (grandson). I remember how excited she was when I told her I took the pregnancy test and a double line appeared. She was so excited because she was going to be a grandma again.
I remember how excited she was when Jet and I moved into our own small house. She went on a shopping spree. Bought an iron, a microwave, a TV, new bedsheets and shower curtains.
I remember when right after I graduated, she would sit down with me and look through classified ads to look for job openings. I remember her sitting down with me to type out my resume and application letters.
I remember the strong front she put up when Dad left.
I remember how she protected me from her cancer. She did not tell me over the phone. She waited for me to go see her in the hospital. I remember the fear in her eyes when she told me she will have to undergo chemotherapy. I remember her face during her last month in the hospital. She looked too tired but she fought on. I remember her last week in the ICU. She was worried about leaving me behind.
I remember you Mom. I think about you everyday. I look for you everyday.
Happy Mother's Day.
I Love You.
-
Mommy's out there, enjoy your day.
Mommy's with Mommy's out there, make you mom feel special. This is her day too.
I learned to eat in restaurants alone. Mom and I would ALWAYS try out new restaurants and pretend to be food critiques secretly tasting through the ingredients of sumptuous meals so that we could try cooking them at home. When I was pregnant and hubby was at work, I would crave. And so I would eat our favorite resto's alone. I would not look up, just concentrate on my meal and often wipe away my tears.
I learned to shop by myself. Mom would ALWAYS be my critique - "you look flabby in that" or "that would go well with your khaki slacks." When she left, I became my own critique, always bearing in mind what Mom would have said if she saw me in that outfit. I learned how to cook without consulting anyone. When she left, I depended on my own tongue's taste to assess whether it was too salty or too bland.
I remember when she would come home with a whole bunch of layettes, mittens and baby blankets. Too excited about her first grandson. She would ALWAYS have an excuse to go shopping for him. I remember how excited she was when we first started feeding Josh his solid foods. She always had the tendency to compare what I loved eating when I was a baby to what Josh loved. She enjoyed boiling his potatoes and carrots in chicken broth and mashing them together with soft rice. I remember how she would panic every time Josh would fall or bump his head - we would always end up in the ER - she would tell me never to take chances when it came to Josh. I remember how Josh would make her so crazy about him. I would come home from work and Mom would be there waiting for me ready to tell me too many stories about her apo (grandson). I remember how excited she was when I told her I took the pregnancy test and a double line appeared. She was so excited because she was going to be a grandma again.
I remember how excited she was when Jet and I moved into our own small house. She went on a shopping spree. Bought an iron, a microwave, a TV, new bedsheets and shower curtains.
I remember when right after I graduated, she would sit down with me and look through classified ads to look for job openings. I remember her sitting down with me to type out my resume and application letters.
I remember the strong front she put up when Dad left.
I remember how she protected me from her cancer. She did not tell me over the phone. She waited for me to go see her in the hospital. I remember the fear in her eyes when she told me she will have to undergo chemotherapy. I remember her face during her last month in the hospital. She looked too tired but she fought on. I remember her last week in the ICU. She was worried about leaving me behind.
I remember you Mom. I think about you everyday. I look for you everyday.
Happy Mother's Day.
I Love You.
-
Mommy's out there, enjoy your day.
Mommy's with Mommy's out there, make you mom feel special. This is her day too.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Things I Hate About Being Pregnant
O com'on you, yes you, No I'm not pregnant - again. I just did not want to get all sulky about Mother's day -yet, so I just wanted to list a couple of things I really do not enjoy about being pregnant.
Well for one, there's the stare which I get ALL the time. Like when I am in my OB's clinic waiting for my turn, everybody just stares at me. Not that I look weird or something but the fact that, I would want to believe, I sport a young looking face. So everybody has this "Oh-my- goodness-another-young-mother-does she-know-what-she-got-herself-into" stare.
Second, there's the famous jaw drop especially when they see me with the big bump and I'm holding Josh's hand (or chasing after him,whatever). Now that jaw drop = "and this isn't her first?!"
And then of course there is also the neck tilt eye peep, trying to check out if my left ring finger has a gold band. Like "I'm hoping she's at least married" kind of tilt.
Of course we cannot avoid nosy people who cannot be content with staring while dropping their jaw during their tilting of their neck, right? So there are some who really start up a conversation with me - which I prefer because I feel these people do not want to judge me right away so instead try to get the real score. BUT let me tell you, for me, pregnancy = hormonal. During interviews like these, I can be happy and excited to share my life story or at times I can snappy and answer with just a yes or a no or most of the time, I end up asking for tissue from the person because I have this runny nose from crying all over the place.
Plus, towards the last 2 months of my pregnancy, my nose gets pregnant as well. So we go back to the first thing I mentioned, the stare.
Well for one, there's the stare which I get ALL the time. Like when I am in my OB's clinic waiting for my turn, everybody just stares at me. Not that I look weird or something but the fact that, I would want to believe, I sport a young looking face. So everybody has this "Oh-my- goodness-another-young-mother-does she-know-what-she-got-herself-into" stare.
Second, there's the famous jaw drop especially when they see me with the big bump and I'm holding Josh's hand (or chasing after him,whatever). Now that jaw drop = "and this isn't her first?!"
And then of course there is also the neck tilt eye peep, trying to check out if my left ring finger has a gold band. Like "I'm hoping she's at least married" kind of tilt.
Of course we cannot avoid nosy people who cannot be content with staring while dropping their jaw during their tilting of their neck, right? So there are some who really start up a conversation with me - which I prefer because I feel these people do not want to judge me right away so instead try to get the real score. BUT let me tell you, for me, pregnancy = hormonal. During interviews like these, I can be happy and excited to share my life story or at times I can snappy and answer with just a yes or a no or most of the time, I end up asking for tissue from the person because I have this runny nose from crying all over the place.
Plus, towards the last 2 months of my pregnancy, my nose gets pregnant as well. So we go back to the first thing I mentioned, the stare.
In Time...Maybe Just Not This Year
It's Mother's Day in 4 days and I don't know how am going to take it again this year.
5 years ago, I was too excited to celebrate Mother's Day. It was my first time to celebrate it as a new mommy AND I was celebrating it for the first time as a mom with my Mom. This will be my 2nd Mother's Day without my Mom to celebrate it. But it will also be my 1st time to celebrate it with my 3 boys (my kids and the hubby).
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I still look for her everyday. I haven't really moved on but I know it's OK.
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Dash took his very first 5 steps last night and I was just wishing so bad that Mom and Dad were there to have seen him! Dash would have just knocked them out!
5 years ago, I was too excited to celebrate Mother's Day. It was my first time to celebrate it as a new mommy AND I was celebrating it for the first time as a mom with my Mom. This will be my 2nd Mother's Day without my Mom to celebrate it. But it will also be my 1st time to celebrate it with my 3 boys (my kids and the hubby).
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I still look for her everyday. I haven't really moved on but I know it's OK.
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Dash took his very first 5 steps last night and I was just wishing so bad that Mom and Dad were there to have seen him! Dash would have just knocked them out!
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Musings
While eating out, I could not help but look at Josh and be amazed at how big he has grown, Like the typical, has it been 5 years already sorta amazement.
Me: Geez Josh, you are so big already! Such a big boy!
Josh: Yah! I'm 5 already!
Me: I know! You're 5 already!
Josh: Yup and I can do dangerous things already.
Me: Uh, ok. So dangerous things huh? Like what?
In a VERY dramatic tone.
Josh: Like when I push my cart up and speed down the driveway really fast. That's very dangerous!
Me: Yes indeed.
(We have a closed driveway inclined about 40 degrees).
--
So I am a light sleeper. A very light sleeper. One advantage of being a light sleeper is I wake up to every noise and movement my children make. BUT I do not like it most of the time. Like when I wake up in the middle of the night to feed Dash, more often than not, I find it extremely hard to go back to sleep. It usually takes me more than an hour to finally get back to sleep and when I am finally able to, it's almost time to wake up and get ready to face the day. I have tried many many things. Sometimes I get up and drink a glass of water - no effect. I try turning on the TV - no interesting thing on at such an unholy hour. I tried picking up a book once or twice, I found myself not being able to put down the book. Before I knew it, the sun was shining.
So early this morning (3AM), I found myself mixing milk for Dash, giving him the bottle and staring into blank space. If and when I decide to start pondering on things I end up crying, thus the blank stare. And now? I am so groggy.
Me: Geez Josh, you are so big already! Such a big boy!
Josh: Yah! I'm 5 already!
Me: I know! You're 5 already!
Josh: Yup and I can do dangerous things already.
Me: Uh, ok. So dangerous things huh? Like what?
In a VERY dramatic tone.
Josh: Like when I push my cart up and speed down the driveway really fast. That's very dangerous!
Me: Yes indeed.
(We have a closed driveway inclined about 40 degrees).
--
So I am a light sleeper. A very light sleeper. One advantage of being a light sleeper is I wake up to every noise and movement my children make. BUT I do not like it most of the time. Like when I wake up in the middle of the night to feed Dash, more often than not, I find it extremely hard to go back to sleep. It usually takes me more than an hour to finally get back to sleep and when I am finally able to, it's almost time to wake up and get ready to face the day. I have tried many many things. Sometimes I get up and drink a glass of water - no effect. I try turning on the TV - no interesting thing on at such an unholy hour. I tried picking up a book once or twice, I found myself not being able to put down the book. Before I knew it, the sun was shining.
So early this morning (3AM), I found myself mixing milk for Dash, giving him the bottle and staring into blank space. If and when I decide to start pondering on things I end up crying, thus the blank stare. And now? I am so groggy.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Brotherly Love
Oh brotherly love.What a beautiful sight.
T'will last till one opens his eyes.
Until then I shall enjoy
Brotherly love.
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Crappy poem I know haha. Anyway, I think these 2 boys of mine just looked too cute. We were out the whole day. We did a lot of errands, dropped by the grocery, ate out and spent the afternoon hanging out in the office of hubby's Auto repair shop. On the way home, they could not keep their eyes open.
My Mommyhood
It was an awesome experience for me. Last week, Josh finished his MILO Summer Basketball clinic. And may I tell you I think I learned a lot more than he did.
I learned that in basketball, it all about the fingers. Like if you were to give me a ball to shoot in the basket, you will see both my arms and 2 hands hurling the ball in the air without really caring how I look - just get that ball into the basket. "You don't shoot that way Mom" Josh told me. He said I must position my shooting hand while the other hand will just be my "guide." And your fingers will make the ball spin. When dribbling, you don't really use your whole hand, you use your fingers to control the bounce.
I learned a lot of technical terms, terms which I really never payed much attention to. Terms I only heared off when Jet would be watching a game on T.V. or terms that would come up when I would watch one of Jet's games.
I learned that in basketball, it all about the fingers. Like if you were to give me a ball to shoot in the basket, you will see both my arms and 2 hands hurling the ball in the air without really caring how I look - just get that ball into the basket. "You don't shoot that way Mom" Josh told me. He said I must position my shooting hand while the other hand will just be my "guide." And your fingers will make the ball spin. When dribbling, you don't really use your whole hand, you use your fingers to control the bounce.
I learned a lot of technical terms, terms which I really never payed much attention to. Terms I only heared off when Jet would be watching a game on T.V. or terms that would come up when I would watch one of Jet's games.I learned to 'let go' of my son. I went to watch one of his training sessions and there were a lot of times when I just wanted to stand up from the bleachers and charge towards the court, grab the whistle from the referee and stop the whole game. No one is to push my boy around- he was the smallest in his group! Do not grab the ball when he is making an attempt to dribble it across and make a shot. And many many times, my husband had to remind me to sit down because "it's all part of the game." I was to do that or leave the gym. So OK, I decided to sit down - with my eyes closed.
As I entered the gym, I was reminded of that adrenaline rush I would get when I would train for Taekwondo tournaments. That feeling of excitement during competitions. That anxious feeling I would get days before competitions. And that feeling I would always always have when waiting in line for my fight - that someday I would would be known as a great martial artist. I sat down and could not help but dream big again - but this time, my dreams were all about my sons.
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Little Learnings
Funny how 7 days without the nanny has allowed me to realize quite a number things. First, I am capable of doing too many things at the same time. Tired or too tired, we all survived at home. Second, on the other hand, I am too blessed to have a nanny. As I read some of the comments you guys left, having a nanny in the States is not a common 'thing.' And lastly, but the most important realization is how I have evolved as a mother.
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Here in the Philippines, a lot of households have stay-in house helps or a cleaning lady who comes at least once a week. "Why?" you ask, well because, having a nanny does not cost too much. It is an extra expense but it does not hamper the whole budgeting of the family. Like I pay my nanny Php 2500 ($52) a month. In most cases though, since it is relatively cheap labor, you can never be sure about your nanny, know what I mean? That is why I love my nanny too much. She loves my kids and I can trust her with them. She has been with us for 3 years and has plans of staying with us for a longer time.
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So this evolving self of mine. I was amazed at how I have changed as a mom when it comes to baby care. Although I am still the same baby googooing mommy that I am when the little one gets overly cute, I have learned to relax and lessen my being too uptight over too many things.
5 years ago, I used to be this uptight, tense, anxious mother. When Josh would squirm or cry, I would always think that something was the matter with him. He would have to follow a very strict eating / feeding schedule. He had to eat on the dot, every 3 1/2 hours. Bathing time was exactly the same time every morning. But now? I have learned to relax. And I noticed that everyone at home relaxes too when they see and feel that I am a little bit more laid back. I have realized too that sometimes a baby can be cranky because he just isn't in the mood. Although Dash has a more or less feeding schedule, there are days when he wants more milk than he usually consumes and so I give him that extra bottle.
I don't know, I just feel so much better now. I never imagined myself a mommy of 2 boys at age 25 but so far, I have been enjoying this ride.
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Here in the Philippines, a lot of households have stay-in house helps or a cleaning lady who comes at least once a week. "Why?" you ask, well because, having a nanny does not cost too much. It is an extra expense but it does not hamper the whole budgeting of the family. Like I pay my nanny Php 2500 ($52) a month. In most cases though, since it is relatively cheap labor, you can never be sure about your nanny, know what I mean? That is why I love my nanny too much. She loves my kids and I can trust her with them. She has been with us for 3 years and has plans of staying with us for a longer time.
-
So this evolving self of mine. I was amazed at how I have changed as a mom when it comes to baby care. Although I am still the same baby googooing mommy that I am when the little one gets overly cute, I have learned to relax and lessen my being too uptight over too many things.
5 years ago, I used to be this uptight, tense, anxious mother. When Josh would squirm or cry, I would always think that something was the matter with him. He would have to follow a very strict eating / feeding schedule. He had to eat on the dot, every 3 1/2 hours. Bathing time was exactly the same time every morning. But now? I have learned to relax. And I noticed that everyone at home relaxes too when they see and feel that I am a little bit more laid back. I have realized too that sometimes a baby can be cranky because he just isn't in the mood. Although Dash has a more or less feeding schedule, there are days when he wants more milk than he usually consumes and so I give him that extra bottle.
I don't know, I just feel so much better now. I never imagined myself a mommy of 2 boys at age 25 but so far, I have been enjoying this ride.
Friday, May 4, 2007
In The Bag
I was tagged! SusieJ. ,here's what's in my bag :)
MamaG. ,Sophiagurl,Jennboree, Audrey,Jane and Sharon, Amanda Sue,Maggie,Shoshana.
You guys have been tagged :)
MamaG. ,
Thursday, May 3, 2007
My Name Is Who I Am
So Ashley came up with an idea of inviting people to join her blog party. 1 topic for every day this week.
Today's question:
"Where did you get your name? Write the story of how your first, middle, or last name became yours."
Not known to many, my complete name isLourdes Angela. My Mom's name was Lourdes and my grandma (Mom's mom) was Angela. What a unique way to name me, I know. And if I turned out to be a boy, I would have been named Dylan Thomas after my Dad's favorite poet. But my Mom really wanted to name me Luan, when I asked her why, she told me she just fell in love with the name. Incidentally, when you get the first syllables of my 2 names, they spell out Lou An.
Today's question:
"Where did you get your name? Write the story of how your first, middle, or last name became yours."
Not known to many, my complete name is
Monday, April 30, 2007
Guess Who!
...Does not want to let go of me.
...Is stuck to my hips 99% of the time.
...Cries when I am not in sight.
...Makes a fit when I stand up to go use the bathroom.
...Makes a pouty face when I put him in his crib.
...Goes wild when after I successfully am able to leave him playing with his brother sees even just a glimpse of my t-shirt or hears my voice.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
I Am Beat
First of all, thank you to all those who left a comment on my last post. For the past months that I have been blogging, I have met you all on-line and I feel that I have developed a connection with you guys (let me know if you feel otherwise ;)) and I felt that I just needed to be true to myself and to you all. Thank You for those comments. they made me feel so much better. I can't believe how much I love you all -well, thank God for this thing called blogging!
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So...the nanny has gone on vacation (huhuhuhu). Yes, after 2 whole years she has decided to take a 1 week break. She lives a good 16 hours away from our city. And I must say, I am having a difficult time adjusting. In a sense I have been spoiled by this privilege of having a very reliable househelp / cook / babysitter. Not that I do not do any of these, I do - I cook and care for the kids. It's just something new to be taking care of and attending to so many things.
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And for the first time in a long time, I have no energy to even stay up for at least 30 minutes at night to watch some extra television. My day starts at 5-6 AM (depending on what time Dash decides to light his light bulb eyes) and then I cook breakfast. While cooking, if I am not attending to Josh and Dash (while Jet fixes up), I fix up and Jet watches over the boys. Then breakfast comes. After which, I take a bath and get ready for work. Lucky if I arrive in the office by 8AM. By 11:30, I am on my way home to fix lunch and then back at the office by 1PM. I leave work by 5 - 5:30 and then reach home just in time to prepare dinner. While waiting for the food to be cooked, I wash the bottles and try to relax a bit. Dinner time comes. After dinner, Jet cleans up while I wash the dishes. By 8:30 I am beat. I wait for Dash to finally turn off his switches and off to dreamland he goes.
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And then the next day comes...oh too quickly.
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So...the nanny has gone on vacation (huhuhuhu). Yes, after 2 whole years she has decided to take a 1 week break. She lives a good 16 hours away from our city. And I must say, I am having a difficult time adjusting. In a sense I have been spoiled by this privilege of having a very reliable househelp / cook / babysitter. Not that I do not do any of these, I do - I cook and care for the kids. It's just something new to be taking care of and attending to so many things.
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And for the first time in a long time, I have no energy to even stay up for at least 30 minutes at night to watch some extra television. My day starts at 5-6 AM (depending on what time Dash decides to light his light bulb eyes) and then I cook breakfast. While cooking, if I am not attending to Josh and Dash (while Jet fixes up), I fix up and Jet watches over the boys. Then breakfast comes. After which, I take a bath and get ready for work. Lucky if I arrive in the office by 8AM. By 11:30, I am on my way home to fix lunch and then back at the office by 1PM. I leave work by 5 - 5:30 and then reach home just in time to prepare dinner. While waiting for the food to be cooked, I wash the bottles and try to relax a bit. Dinner time comes. After dinner, Jet cleans up while I wash the dishes. By 8:30 I am beat. I wait for Dash to finally turn off his switches and off to dreamland he goes.
-
And then the next day comes...oh too quickly.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
The Past
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see
T'was Grace that taught
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
the hour I first believed
Through many dangers, toils and snares
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far
and Grace will lead us home.
The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be
as long as life endures.
When we've been here ten thousand years
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
then when we've first begun
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.
-
It's not like I am proud of IT but I am proud of the fact that I survived and conquered and IT has molded me into the WHO I am today.
-
Growing up at home wasn't easy. I had an alcoholic Dad. At first, I could not understand why my Mom would tolerate Dad's drinking. His drinking affected pretty much how our day would revolve. We hardly had any "family outings."
On the other hand, I had great parents.
Minus the drinking, Dad was a very principled man. He was an intellectual. He was a voracious reader - 2 novels a day, 3 if he really did not have anything to do. He did crossword puzzles for the heck of finishing it. He would write his articles minutes before the press would close - most of the time intoxicated. He loved me and my Mom.
Mom was a giver. She spent 28 years teaching her passion - Psychology. Except for those she reprimanded for obnoxious behavior, her students loved her. She had the hugest heart in the whole world. She loved Dad. She loved me.
-
I was popular during our elementary years. 9 of us girls had a group. We were the meanest yet smartest girls in class. Come to think of it, I was always in the top 5 of our class.
When I got to highschool, I hated having to stay home. I always wanted to be out of the house. I would come up with excuses so that my Dad would allow me to go out - often times, I would use school as an excuse.
When I got to sophomore year, I was smoking and drinking. I cut class everyday. Towards the end of Sophomore year, I met a guy, let me call him 'the guy'. He was a year older and he became my first boyfriend.
Both of us were lost souls looking for a place in this world. Both of us misunderstood by many. We resorted to drinking and cutting class.
-
Shortly after my 18th birthday, I got pregnant by 'the guy'. I remember clearly, that was early September.I knew I got pregnant after 'it' happened. I refused to take a pregnancy test for the heck of confirming it. I was in denial. I tried talking to 'the guy' and tried asking him what his plans were. I couldn't get quite a straight answer from him. One day he'd tell me we would do this together but his actions would say otherwise. Other days he wouldn't want to see me, hide from me in fact.
I got home at 4AM and was shocked to see my Mom still awake, standing in the kitchen, light dimly lit, cigarette in one hand. And then she asked me "are you pregnant?" I pretended not to hear her and went straight to my room.
The next day, she came in to my room and embraced me. She told me "Lou, we are in this together. I won't leave you. But we have to be prepared to leave if Dad sends us away." I told her I was scared.
Mom eventually told Dad. Mom said, one afternoon, after finding out, Dad just walked under the rain. I was avoiding my Dad this whole time.
Dad called me to sit down. He said we had to talk. I was so freaked out. And then Dad said, "Have you chosen a crib? What about the pram?" And then Dad embraced me soooo tight.
(now i'm crying).
-
So what happened to 'the guy?' Well, my Mom called up his Mom and told her about the whole thing. Anyway, cut the long dang story short. Our parents talked and agreed that there would be no marriage but 'the guy' would be very welcome to be a part of every step of the way. From the pre-natal check ups to the changing of the diapers.
-
My Mom accompanied me to my first pre-natal check up. I went for my first ultrasound sometime in November 2000. My mom and I just had this feeling that it was going to be a girl. Baby looked healthy based on the ultrasound results. Expected date of delivery: June 11, 2001. I had a name for her, it was going to be Angelia Karle and her nickname would be Lia.
Mom and I went looking around for a crib. We ended up buying baby bottles and tie-sides. My cousin got me the What to Expect When You Are Expecting and a Girlfriend's Guide. Everyone treated me like a princess at home. My Mom accompanied me during my craving days. I loved steak. I could eat it 3 times a day. My OB gave me no restrictions on my diet as I was under weight by 5 lbs. I started drinking my milk and my vitamins. Mom and I started to look for maternity clothes that wouldn't make me look too shockingly pregnant. I was 18 for crying out loud.
-
December 12, 2000. Dad, Mom, 'the guy' and I had dinner at home. Shortly after 'the guy' left, I stood up and went to the bathroom. As soon as I sat down, there was blood on my undies. Bloody red. "Mom!!!!! I'm bleeding!" Dad hailed a cab and we all went to the hospital. We left a message at 'the guy's' house to inform him about what happened.
I spent the night in the hospital with my Mom. I was to have an ultrasound first thing in the morning. The bleeding would not stop. They gave me Duvadilan thru an IV drip.
-
Next morning, my OB came to see me. I asked her if the baby was going to be okay and she said she could not tell at this point. I went in for my ultrasound and demanded to know how the baby was from the radiologist. Radiologist said "we will forward the results to your OB."
OB came in to my room an hour later. She said, "Lou the baby did not grow from the last ultrasound you had 3 weeks ago."
Family and friends came. All of them embracing me and assuring me that everything would be okay. They kept reminding me to "fight for you baby."
Later that night, my Mom went to the caf to buy soda and chips. I was laying down and a close friend of mine was by my side holding my hand. The pain just kept getting more and more painful. When my friend left, I couldn't take the physical pain anymore. And then I looked up and said it, "Lord this is you child. " And then I pressed the buzzer in my room. The nurses came in, I told them I could not stand the pain anymore. My back and tummy were killing me. The doctor did an IE. Then the baby came out just as my Mom was walking thru the door.
I saw my Mom and told her "the baby is gone." I remember this scene so so clearly. Mom dropped everything she was holding, the chips and the soda. She ran to me and just said "anak!" (child). And then she embraced me.
-
I had a D&C a few hours later. I was so groggy.
The next day, I was discharged.
I did not know where to start over.
-
But I did. By God's grace I am here today and by faith, He will conitnue to see me through each day.
-
Today I am married to 'the guy' better known as Jet. We've been together for 10 years, living together for 6 years and married for 3 years.
We have a talkative, inquisitive, gobbling up everything, cartoon loving, superhero fanatic 5 year old pre-schooler and an adorable, food loving, energetic, cruising around the house 11 month baby boy.
-
Mom and Dad served their purpose in this world. They got me to where I am today. And that is why it was time for them to go.
-
Miss you Dad. Miss you Mom. Thank You.
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see
T'was Grace that taught
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
the hour I first believed
Through many dangers, toils and snares
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far
and Grace will lead us home.
The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be
as long as life endures.
When we've been here ten thousand years
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
then when we've first begun
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.
-
It's not like I am proud of IT but I am proud of the fact that I survived and conquered and IT has molded me into the WHO I am today.
-
Growing up at home wasn't easy. I had an alcoholic Dad. At first, I could not understand why my Mom would tolerate Dad's drinking. His drinking affected pretty much how our day would revolve. We hardly had any "family outings."
On the other hand, I had great parents.
Minus the drinking, Dad was a very principled man. He was an intellectual. He was a voracious reader - 2 novels a day, 3 if he really did not have anything to do. He did crossword puzzles for the heck of finishing it. He would write his articles minutes before the press would close - most of the time intoxicated. He loved me and my Mom.
Mom was a giver. She spent 28 years teaching her passion - Psychology. Except for those she reprimanded for obnoxious behavior, her students loved her. She had the hugest heart in the whole world. She loved Dad. She loved me.
-
I was popular during our elementary years. 9 of us girls had a group. We were the meanest yet smartest girls in class. Come to think of it, I was always in the top 5 of our class.
When I got to highschool, I hated having to stay home. I always wanted to be out of the house. I would come up with excuses so that my Dad would allow me to go out - often times, I would use school as an excuse.
When I got to sophomore year, I was smoking and drinking. I cut class everyday. Towards the end of Sophomore year, I met a guy, let me call him 'the guy'. He was a year older and he became my first boyfriend.
Both of us were lost souls looking for a place in this world. Both of us misunderstood by many. We resorted to drinking and cutting class.
-
Shortly after my 18th birthday, I got pregnant by 'the guy'. I remember clearly, that was early September.I knew I got pregnant after 'it' happened. I refused to take a pregnancy test for the heck of confirming it. I was in denial. I tried talking to 'the guy' and tried asking him what his plans were. I couldn't get quite a straight answer from him. One day he'd tell me we would do this together but his actions would say otherwise. Other days he wouldn't want to see me, hide from me in fact.
I got home at 4AM and was shocked to see my Mom still awake, standing in the kitchen, light dimly lit, cigarette in one hand. And then she asked me "are you pregnant?" I pretended not to hear her and went straight to my room.
The next day, she came in to my room and embraced me. She told me "Lou, we are in this together. I won't leave you. But we have to be prepared to leave if Dad sends us away." I told her I was scared.
Mom eventually told Dad. Mom said, one afternoon, after finding out, Dad just walked under the rain. I was avoiding my Dad this whole time.
Dad called me to sit down. He said we had to talk. I was so freaked out. And then Dad said, "Have you chosen a crib? What about the pram?" And then Dad embraced me soooo tight.
(now i'm crying).
-
So what happened to 'the guy?' Well, my Mom called up his Mom and told her about the whole thing. Anyway, cut the long dang story short. Our parents talked and agreed that there would be no marriage but 'the guy' would be very welcome to be a part of every step of the way. From the pre-natal check ups to the changing of the diapers.
-
My Mom accompanied me to my first pre-natal check up. I went for my first ultrasound sometime in November 2000. My mom and I just had this feeling that it was going to be a girl. Baby looked healthy based on the ultrasound results. Expected date of delivery: June 11, 2001. I had a name for her, it was going to be Angelia Karle and her nickname would be Lia.
Mom and I went looking around for a crib. We ended up buying baby bottles and tie-sides. My cousin got me the What to Expect When You Are Expecting and a Girlfriend's Guide. Everyone treated me like a princess at home. My Mom accompanied me during my craving days. I loved steak. I could eat it 3 times a day. My OB gave me no restrictions on my diet as I was under weight by 5 lbs. I started drinking my milk and my vitamins. Mom and I started to look for maternity clothes that wouldn't make me look too shockingly pregnant. I was 18 for crying out loud.
-
December 12, 2000. Dad, Mom, 'the guy' and I had dinner at home. Shortly after 'the guy' left, I stood up and went to the bathroom. As soon as I sat down, there was blood on my undies. Bloody red. "Mom!!!!! I'm bleeding!" Dad hailed a cab and we all went to the hospital. We left a message at 'the guy's' house to inform him about what happened.
I spent the night in the hospital with my Mom. I was to have an ultrasound first thing in the morning. The bleeding would not stop. They gave me Duvadilan thru an IV drip.
-
Next morning, my OB came to see me. I asked her if the baby was going to be okay and she said she could not tell at this point. I went in for my ultrasound and demanded to know how the baby was from the radiologist. Radiologist said "we will forward the results to your OB."
OB came in to my room an hour later. She said, "Lou the baby did not grow from the last ultrasound you had 3 weeks ago."
Family and friends came. All of them embracing me and assuring me that everything would be okay. They kept reminding me to "fight for you baby."
Later that night, my Mom went to the caf to buy soda and chips. I was laying down and a close friend of mine was by my side holding my hand. The pain just kept getting more and more painful. When my friend left, I couldn't take the physical pain anymore. And then I looked up and said it, "Lord this is you child. " And then I pressed the buzzer in my room. The nurses came in, I told them I could not stand the pain anymore. My back and tummy were killing me. The doctor did an IE. Then the baby came out just as my Mom was walking thru the door.
I saw my Mom and told her "the baby is gone." I remember this scene so so clearly. Mom dropped everything she was holding, the chips and the soda. She ran to me and just said "anak!" (child). And then she embraced me.
-
I had a D&C a few hours later. I was so groggy.
The next day, I was discharged.
I did not know where to start over.
-
But I did. By God's grace I am here today and by faith, He will conitnue to see me through each day.
-
Today I am married to 'the guy' better known as Jet. We've been together for 10 years, living together for 6 years and married for 3 years.
We have a talkative, inquisitive, gobbling up everything, cartoon loving, superhero fanatic 5 year old pre-schooler and an adorable, food loving, energetic, cruising around the house 11 month baby boy.
-
Mom and Dad served their purpose in this world. They got me to where I am today. And that is why it was time for them to go.
-
Miss you Dad. Miss you Mom. Thank You.
Someday...
April 23, 2007
While Preparing Dinner. Chopping the veggies.
Josh: Ma?
Me: Yes?
Josh: Who will I marry when I grow big?
Froze. Fingers almost chopped off.
Me: Why? Why are you asking me that question? (Trying to sound as calm as possible)
Josh: I want to see who I will marry so that I will know.
Me: Well, we don't know yet.
Josh: But who? I want to see how she looks like.
Me: Jet!!!!!! Your son needs to ask you a question!!!!
While Preparing Dinner. Chopping the veggies.
Josh: Ma?
Me: Yes?
Josh: Who will I marry when I grow big?
Froze. Fingers almost chopped off.
Me: Why? Why are you asking me that question? (Trying to sound as calm as possible)
Josh: I want to see who I will marry so that I will know.
Me: Well, we don't know yet.
Josh: But who? I want to see how she looks like.
Me: Jet!!!!!! Your son needs to ask you a question!!!!
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Ashamed
I came across this post Life Is Just Around The Corner and I just felt so ashamed. I have been constantly complaining about everything and anything and have failed to be thankful for the Lord's blessings. I have failed tremendously to stop complaining and instead look at how blessed my family is.
-
What is is with us people that we often are never content with what we have. There always has to be something we must complain about. I often look at other people's lives and envy what they have and wonder why I cannot have the same.
-
For this I am ashamed.
-
I am thankful for so many many things
-
What is is with us people that we often are never content with what we have. There always has to be something we must complain about. I often look at other people's lives and envy what they have and wonder why I cannot have the same.
-
For this I am ashamed.
-
I am thankful for so many many things
- My All So Awesome God - By his mercy He has saved me and by His grace He will continue to carry me through.
- Love - I am thankful for the love that embraces me and my family, the love we share with each other and the love we share with people we care about and who care about us.
- My husband - though things may not always be great, I am thankful for having him in my life. The Lord has given me a man who will take care of me and who will love me beyond the day I am old and wrinkly.
- Josh and Dash - the 2 energetic boys the Lord has allowed me to take care of, love and enjoy while on this earth. Each day when I see my boys, I am reminded about the miracle of life and how blessed I am to have participated in that miracle.
- My family ( Aunts, In-laws, cousins and Uncles) - My family loves me, especially my Dad's family. Just thinking about how supportive they have been, brings tears to my eyes. They have never failed to support me and my family (financially and morally) and have always made me and my family feel loved even after Dad's passing. Although I have ranted in the past about my in-laws, I am thankful for having them in my life. I have come to love my sisters in law as my own sisters.
- Good Health - My family and I enjoy relatively good health. Aside from the common cold, cough, asthma attack, tummy pains we still are healthy. I am so ashamed about complaining about petty health issues when there are so many people who have more serious health problems but still look at life as beautiful. I am humbled.
- Our Home - No need to pay rent!
- My Job - Pays me more than enough to see us through our needs.
- My Husband's business - I am forever complaining about it not be a 'reliable' source of income as his business is based on sales but he still earns and that is what matters, right?
- Food on the Table - We eat 3 meals a day.
- Our Car - Although we do not have a car of our own which we can call 'our permanent car' (as hubby's business is buying and selling of cars), we always have at least 1 reliable mode of transport at any time of the day.
- Savings - Although not big at all, we have something in the bank.
- Debt-Free - Hubby and I have made it a point to remain debt-free. No loans, no credit cards. Thank You Lord.
- Material things - so many many things can fall into this category (clothing, shoes, cellphone, household appliances). I am just so thankful we can even afford to enjoy such things.
My list will go on and on. I am just so thankful to my Lord for he has protected me and my family, has seen us through the worst of times and yet loves me unconditionally.
What are you thankful for?
The Boys
Yeah, posting pictures of the boys again. I've just been feeling restless these past few eeks and I have been having that feeling of wanting my Mom and Dad to still be around just so that I could ask them for their thoughts about certain things I need to decide on. Aagh. Just hearing their thoughts just make me feel secure - that things are going to be alright.
Anyway...
Friday, April 20, 2007
Beaches? I LOVE!
It's summer time once again and during the past 3 years or so, I have come to L-O-V-E the beach! When I was younger, I was vain--really vain. One of my vanity beliefs was I did not want to have dark skin - I am Bad I know. But as I grew older, I realized how beautiful tanned skin is! And how better can you get a good tan without going to the beach? Forget those tanning machines! Good ol' sun is still the best. So... this summer, I am going to the beach! Anyway, I guess we got a kick off by celebrating Josh's 5th birthday in the beach. And then, next week Jet and I will bring the kids for a 4 day beach trip while the nanny is gone (house will be a disaster without the nanny thus the great escape). Next month, my friends and I plan a short beach trip to Batangas - can't wait! And come this end of May, my family (hubby,kids, aunts and cousins) will be going to Palawan - this is the trip I can not wait to go on a dream come true in fact!! Google Palawan and you will see what I mean :)
Basking in the sun with SIL. Bantayan Island October 2006. We took a 3-day beach trip with hubby, Josh and my 2 SIL's. We got real cheap deal on airfare. Beach front at our resort was not inviting at all so we decided to rent a small pump boat and visited virgin island. White sand, crystal clear water and very cheap exotic food.
Fun fun fun in the sun. Ahh, how I love the beach!
-
Anyway, here a few of the pictures of our beach getaways and I hope to add to this collection ;)
Basking in the sun with SIL. 
Dried Fish, Sting Ray, Crabs and Fresh Octopus :)
As early as February 2006, my friends (of 17 years) and I began planning a beach getaway to
Boracay .We planned the trip for November and were able to get a great cheap deal on airfare and hotel accommodations. We were all so excited. One of my very punctual friends missed our 6AM flight and had to follow a few hours later - funny story. But none the less, we all made it to the island and had a blast!
THE tan line. I know. The story behind this: First day of beach loving - it rained! We all wanted to cry. So...the next day...at 7AM, we saw the sun. My girlfriends and I rushed outside to bask in the sun. And so as the story goes, we burned.
Fun fun fun in the sun. Ahh, how I love the beach!
My friends of 17 years. I love them all! We may live in different parts of the country now, have different careers and lives but the one thing that remains is the friendship. We've seen each other through pregnancies, weddings, baptisms and dedications, wakes and funerals. Here's to more years of wonderful memories! I love you all!
People Who Truly Make My Day
Today marks my 100th post. Woohoo to me :) I have been blogging since, November? And so far, I have been having a blast! In fact, I think I am addicted to blogging! And over the months that I have been blogging, I have 'met' fellow bloggers who I absolutely love! Here's my list. Check them out :)
1. Susie J.
- I love her blog. Her stories often make me think and ponder on things we often take for granted. Someday I would want to meet her in person and talk with her about everything and nothing. She has 4 boys too! 4 boys people!
2.Amazing Trips
- One of the first blogs I came across when I started blogging. She has triplets. Her stories are amazing.
3.Baby Poop and Business Suites
- Again, one of the first blogs I came across. Her posts are funny. F-U-N-N-Y and witty. A blog worth enjoying! Our little ones are almost the same age thus the connection when it came to baby blues and sleepless nights.
4.So Close
- A veteran blogger whose stories never fail to entertain me! I look forward to visiting her blog everyday.
5.Living In Perfect Chaos
- A fellow mommy who has 2 precious little girls.
6.Upheaval
- Mommy of a cute little boy. Found out we share the same 'favorite' books.
7.Unseal My Lips
- A fellow Filipina living across the globe. She has 5 kids! Wow. I can relate to some of her posts - same cultural background maybe?
8.Pinks and Blues Girls
- A blog shared by a mother and 2 daughters and all kids and pets in between. Their comments always make me feel so loved.
9.The Story Of Holland and Eden
- A mom of preemie twins. Her strength has carried her whole family through the ups and downs of life.
1.
- I love her blog. Her stories often make me think and ponder on things we often take for granted. Someday I would want to meet her in person and talk with her about everything and nothing. She has 4 boys too! 4 boys people!
2.Amazing Trips
3.
4.
- A veteran blogger whose stories never fail to entertain me! I look forward to visiting her blog everyday.
5.Living In Perfect Chaos
- A fellow mommy who has 2 precious little girls.
- Mommy of a cute little boy. Found out we share the same 'favorite' books.
- A fellow Filipina living across the globe. She has 5 kids! Wow. I can relate to some of her posts - same cultural background maybe?
8.Pinks and Blues Girls
- A blog shared by a mother and 2 daughters and all kids and pets in between. Their comments always make me feel so loved.
9.The Story Of Holland and Eden
- A mom of preemie twins. Her strength has carried her whole family through the ups and downs of life.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
A Short Cute Break From All The Literary Ongoings
Thought of just posting pictures of my boys... ;)
Yummy McNuggets Barbecue Sauce
Look Ma!
They gotta have one each now -- OR ELSE.
There is no way the little one will allow himself to be left out. He HAS to join the play. That's Josh with his bestfriend Miggy (son of my best friend). Josh and Miggy happen to be 1 month and 10 days apart.
Naughty Face!
Visited the Family Cemetery Plot over the weekend as we remembered Dad's 3rd Death Anniversary.
I Love This Pic!
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Experiences Worth Sharing
Read this post by Jennboree and was inspired to write about my nursing experience with my 2 boys.
--
I can only speak for myself but from what I experienced, baby boys are voracious milk monsters. And although as Jennboree had mentioned, even if one develops a routine as my boys did, they drink a whole lot of milk. They do not mind being stuck or latched on the whole day- no kidding.
--
With my first born, Josh, I had no freaking idea what I was getting myself into the day he was born. When the nurses brought him to my hospital room for the first time, they informed me that he was already hungry. I was all groggy as I had just been wheeled back to my room after my c-section operation when they handed me the supposed 'bundle of joy.'And I was like? "And? What am I supposed to do again?" So yeah, feed the baby. I really thought it was going to be a breeze! My Mom never nursed me so her 10 cent worth of advice was unavailable at that time.
OK so I did try - with great difficulty! And as the nurses told me, it would take a little while before the supply would come rushing in. So I nursed and felt quite comfortable in fact. After a day, I think that was when I started to fill up. And oh man, as Josh sucked, it began to hurt more and more!!! Goodness - that's all I could say.
So anyway, it hurt real bad. Things worsened when we got home and I had to do the whole feeding thing alone at night with a sore wound on my tummy. And what was all that sweat all about! The first few weeks after I gave birth, I felt like the temp was always up! People at home would be in their comfy PJ's, all wrapped up and I would be in shorts and a tank top sweating my heart out as the little one fed and snuggled close to me.
And man, why were my breasts as hard as rock! I was enlightened a few days after when my Aunt informed me all about the engorgement process. Ack! The what!?! So only then did I realize that I had to develop some sort of feeding schedule for the little one.
I cried. Oh yes I did. Breastfeeding for me was more painful than my wound. Over and on top of my post partum blues. I tried pumping (with a breast pump and manually) but would only be able to pump out 4oz. And when I would be able to pump out such amount, the little one would refuse the silicon nipple!
I could NOT get the hang of it. I read too many articles about the benefits of breast milk and heard a LOT of stories from experienced mommies about why I should breastfeed but I just could not get it.
At night, I still could not get the perfect position to feed the baby while still laying down so in the middle of the night, I would sit up and feed. And feeding at some unholy time of the night just seemed like forever!
I tried mixed feeding but Josh refused the formula. It just had to be mommy's breast. But when he turned 3 months, I tried to shift to another brand and boy did he like it. I would feed him breast milk at night and would give him the bottle during the day. It worked well until one day, he refused my breast.
I breastfed Josh until he was 4 months.
--
A good 3 1/2 years had passed when I found out I was pregnant again. I was too excited to even remember what I went through the first time I had a baby.
The 2nd time I gave birth, my OB allowed me to rest a good 8 hours before she advised the nurses to hand the alleged 'bundle of joy' to me. And I remember so clearly when the nurse opened my hospital room and peeked. There it was, the little thing bundled in a blue blanket. Oh dear, here goes I told myself. The nurse said "Mommy Baby Karl is hungry." (His name is Dayshaun Karl and when he was born, everyone was calling him Karl. Dash picked up a few days after).
So yeah, Baby Karl hungry. Baby Karl eat. It took Dash a while to latch on. And sucked he did.
This time, I was very excited about the whole baby thing. Even breastfeeding. But a day or 2 after Dash was born, I was experiencing the pain all over again. This time, I called my OB and asked what was the matter and she told me Dash was not latching on properly. Anyway, she gave me detailed info on how he should latch on. After a few tries, Dash finally got the hang of it and that was the moment I told myself that this was the best thing in the whole wide world.
I read books and looked for articles on proper diet for 'Feeding Mommies' and always had good and happy thoughts while feeding.
I must say this was the highlight of my 2nd pregnancy. I just loved feeding him. In fact, I never developed a fixed schedule for him, I would feed by demand. I hooked myself on Desperate Housewives and would hold the little one close to me while he ate. I discovered how comfy it is to feed in the middle of the night without having to sit up. Like baby squirms, lift your shirt and VOILA! And the snuggling, wow it felt so wonderful!
I wasn't ashamed to feed in public. I would always have a big enough baby blankie in tow so when Dash would feed, I would just cover it all up and suck-suck-suck he went.
I 'ventured' into pumping when I had to go back to work. I did not use and breast pump but instead pumped manually, in fact it became pretty addicting. Too addicting that our freezer was packed with breast milk!
I figured because I was out 8 hours each day with an hour's lunch break only to feed the little guy, the milk production was no longer stimulated as it was the first time I started feeding thus the 'drying up.'
Even if I just fed for 6 months with the little one (sad, i know), I must say that those were the best days I ever experienced with my second boy.
--
Mommies out there, what is YOUR story?
--
I can only speak for myself but from what I experienced, baby boys are voracious milk monsters. And although as Jennboree had mentioned, even if one develops a routine as my boys did, they drink a whole lot of milk. They do not mind being stuck or latched on the whole day- no kidding.
--
With my first born, Josh, I had no freaking idea what I was getting myself into the day he was born. When the nurses brought him to my hospital room for the first time, they informed me that he was already hungry. I was all groggy as I had just been wheeled back to my room after my c-section operation when they handed me the supposed 'bundle of joy.'And I was like? "And? What am I supposed to do again?" So yeah, feed the baby. I really thought it was going to be a breeze! My Mom never nursed me so her 10 cent worth of advice was unavailable at that time.
OK so I did try - with great difficulty! And as the nurses told me, it would take a little while before the supply would come rushing in. So I nursed and felt quite comfortable in fact. After a day, I think that was when I started to fill up. And oh man, as Josh sucked, it began to hurt more and more!!! Goodness - that's all I could say.
So anyway, it hurt real bad. Things worsened when we got home and I had to do the whole feeding thing alone at night with a sore wound on my tummy. And what was all that sweat all about! The first few weeks after I gave birth, I felt like the temp was always up! People at home would be in their comfy PJ's, all wrapped up and I would be in shorts and a tank top sweating my heart out as the little one fed and snuggled close to me.
And man, why were my breasts as hard as rock! I was enlightened a few days after when my Aunt informed me all about the engorgement process. Ack! The what!?! So only then did I realize that I had to develop some sort of feeding schedule for the little one.
I cried. Oh yes I did. Breastfeeding for me was more painful than my wound. Over and on top of my post partum blues. I tried pumping (with a breast pump and manually) but would only be able to pump out 4oz. And when I would be able to pump out such amount, the little one would refuse the silicon nipple!
I could NOT get the hang of it. I read too many articles about the benefits of breast milk and heard a LOT of stories from experienced mommies about why I should breastfeed but I just could not get it.
At night, I still could not get the perfect position to feed the baby while still laying down so in the middle of the night, I would sit up and feed. And feeding at some unholy time of the night just seemed like forever!
I tried mixed feeding but Josh refused the formula. It just had to be mommy's breast. But when he turned 3 months, I tried to shift to another brand and boy did he like it. I would feed him breast milk at night and would give him the bottle during the day. It worked well until one day, he refused my breast.
I breastfed Josh until he was 4 months.
--
A good 3 1/2 years had passed when I found out I was pregnant again. I was too excited to even remember what I went through the first time I had a baby.
The 2nd time I gave birth, my OB allowed me to rest a good 8 hours before she advised the nurses to hand the alleged 'bundle of joy' to me. And I remember so clearly when the nurse opened my hospital room and peeked. There it was, the little thing bundled in a blue blanket. Oh dear, here goes I told myself. The nurse said "Mommy Baby Karl is hungry." (His name is Dayshaun Karl and when he was born, everyone was calling him Karl. Dash picked up a few days after).
So yeah, Baby Karl hungry. Baby Karl eat. It took Dash a while to latch on. And sucked he did.
This time, I was very excited about the whole baby thing. Even breastfeeding. But a day or 2 after Dash was born, I was experiencing the pain all over again. This time, I called my OB and asked what was the matter and she told me Dash was not latching on properly. Anyway, she gave me detailed info on how he should latch on. After a few tries, Dash finally got the hang of it and that was the moment I told myself that this was the best thing in the whole wide world.
I read books and looked for articles on proper diet for 'Feeding Mommies' and always had good and happy thoughts while feeding.
I must say this was the highlight of my 2nd pregnancy. I just loved feeding him. In fact, I never developed a fixed schedule for him, I would feed by demand. I hooked myself on Desperate Housewives and would hold the little one close to me while he ate. I discovered how comfy it is to feed in the middle of the night without having to sit up. Like baby squirms, lift your shirt and VOILA! And the snuggling, wow it felt so wonderful!
I wasn't ashamed to feed in public. I would always have a big enough baby blankie in tow so when Dash would feed, I would just cover it all up and suck-suck-suck he went.
I 'ventured' into pumping when I had to go back to work. I did not use and breast pump but instead pumped manually, in fact it became pretty addicting. Too addicting that our freezer was packed with breast milk!
I figured because I was out 8 hours each day with an hour's lunch break only to feed the little guy, the milk production was no longer stimulated as it was the first time I started feeding thus the 'drying up.'
Even if I just fed for 6 months with the little one (sad, i know), I must say that those were the best days I ever experienced with my second boy.
--
Mommies out there, what is YOUR story?
Friday, April 13, 2007
Burn In Me
Growing up, my Mom worked her whole life as a college professor. For 28 years, she dedicated her life to her profession. I watched her through tough and happy times. But I saw in her the passion she had for her job. She died loving what she did. She never became the dean of a college nor did she get rich doing her job, but she loved what she did.
Dad was a journalist all his life. And I think it need not be mentioned that unless you allow yourself to be bribed, journalists never earn big. But Dad died happy. Towards the last years of his life, he came full circle. He continued writing articles and touched base with his former college art group.
--
And this empty feeling, I think I have figured out what it is all about. I need that passion too. I need to have thePassion my parents had in their hearts. I saw it with my own two eyes and that is exactly what I want to have right now.
--
It is that certain feeling of uncertainty that is holding me back. How will my family survive? How will our needs be met? And it is that one step that I just need to make to help make a difference in this world-- in the life of my children. It is my desire that my 2 boys see their Mom do what she is passionate about. I wish not let them see their Mom being absorbed into the trap of mundaneness. I want my children to see the meaning of life -- that it is not all about the money but rather it is all about being able to, in your own little way, make a difference in this world.
--
Passion - that burning feeling in one's heart. That burning feeling in one's heart that gives us a reason to live.
Dad was a journalist all his life. And I think it need not be mentioned that unless you allow yourself to be bribed, journalists never earn big. But Dad died happy. Towards the last years of his life, he came full circle. He continued writing articles and touched base with his former college art group.
--
And this empty feeling, I think I have figured out what it is all about. I need that passion too. I need to have the
--
It is that certain feeling of uncertainty that is holding me back. How will my family survive? How will our needs be met? And it is that one step that I just need to make to help make a difference in this world-- in the life of my children. It is my desire that my 2 boys see their Mom do what she is passionate about. I wish not let them see their Mom being absorbed into the trap of mundaneness. I want my children to see the meaning of life -- that it is not all about the money but rather it is all about being able to, in your own little way, make a difference in this world.
--
Passion - that burning feeling in one's heart. That burning feeling in one's heart that gives us a reason to live.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
WANTED: Shrink
Yes I think that is what I need right now. Someone to tell me what the heck I am going through right now.
--
Yesterday, while at sitting in front of my monitor, an eerie feeling just crept in. An eerie feeling that it was time to move on -- from my job, that is. So many times in the past, I felt like leaving this company because of office politics, boredom or burnout. But in the past months since I gave birth (and got to enjoy my 78 day maternity leave), I was able to overcome all those. Pretty well in fact. I felt re-energized and ready to push myself again. I was up and about, attending seminars and conferences, participating in office activities, joining committees and all. I even submitted project proposals, goals and objectives charts to my boss even without her asking me to do so! But yesterday was just plain eerie.
--
Unsuspectingly, it crept over me. And all I wanted to do at that point was cry.
--
I am now wondering what the heck I am still doing here. I feel that there are more important things for me to do outside than sit here from 8-5 and wonder why I am doing so. I no longer feel that drive. I want to push myself and be pushed, not in a bad way, but to the point where I can see that I am working towards something.
--
For a long time I have been contemplating on doing volunteer work at the cancer ward or touching base with a support group for cancer patient caregivers. Now that would give much more meaning.
--
But what about the family's needs?
--
If I leave, I will be able to concentrate on finishing my Master's degree. Or finally working on our papers for leaving.
--
Thoughts?
--
Yesterday, while at sitting in front of my monitor, an eerie feeling just crept in. An eerie feeling that it was time to move on -- from my job, that is. So many times in the past, I felt like leaving this company because of office politics, boredom or burnout. But in the past months since I gave birth (and got to enjoy my 78 day maternity leave), I was able to overcome all those. Pretty well in fact. I felt re-energized and ready to push myself again. I was up and about, attending seminars and conferences, participating in office activities, joining committees and all. I even submitted project proposals, goals and objectives charts to my boss even without her asking me to do so! But yesterday was just plain eerie.
--
Unsuspectingly, it crept over me. And all I wanted to do at that point was cry.
--
I am now wondering what the heck I am still doing here. I feel that there are more important things for me to do outside than sit here from 8-5 and wonder why I am doing so. I no longer feel that drive. I want to push myself and be pushed, not in a bad way, but to the point where I can see that I am working towards something.
--
For a long time I have been contemplating on doing volunteer work at the cancer ward or touching base with a support group for cancer patient caregivers. Now that would give much more meaning.
--
But what about the family's needs?
--
If I leave, I will be able to concentrate on finishing my Master's degree. Or finally working on our papers for leaving.
--
Thoughts?
Thursday, April 5, 2007
It's Been Three Years, Dad.
I remember that day, that day you decided to leave for the Great Newsroom in the sky. How has it been? How's Mom?
Things have been doing fine since you left. Shortly after you left, I graduated. Yes Dad, I finally did! I cried that night because I knew how much you wanted to see me receive my diploma. And I wanted you to see me knowing that, that simple accomplishment would ease a little bit of the pain in your heart that I caused you all those years. Also, Jet found a job. And yes he did buy that first can of milk you always told him to buy as soon as he received his first paycheck. And he did feel so good about it.
Right after you left, I decided to take the time to stay home with Mom. Jet, Josh and I moved in with her by the way. So the first few weeks after you left were spent doing general cleaning around the house. Mom offered us your room (I hope you don't mind) and she moved into my old room.
2 months after you left, I found a job. I have been working for the same company since.
10 months after you left, Mom was diagnosed with cancer. Lung cancer by the way - yes caused by her smoking. I know. I'm sure she told you all about it. But anyway, I want to tell you all about it from my point of view. SO she was diagnosed and Tita Fe and the rest of Mom's siblings decided that treatment in Manila would be the best option. She went for 6 cycles of chemotherapy. It was a difficult time Dad. But I don't know how you would have taken all of it if you were still around. I am thankful things were orchestrated the way they were because in a sense you were protected from the pain. Anyway, as true love dictates, from my understanding, Mom could not bear living without you. So 1 1/2 years after you left, she decided to leave too and follow you.
11 months after you left, Josh started pre-school. Oh it would have been such a blast for you to hear the stories he had to share after coming home from school. And guess what, for the 1st few weeks of school, he would always eat the food of his classmates. I know! So far he has grown into an inquisitive little pre-schooler. He starts PrepI this May 2. Oh Dad if you could see him right now, he has grown so much.
2 years after you left, your other grandson came into this world. Yep, yet another boy. I know! You would have been thrilled. I know. Well this little one seems to have taken after me - I think! We call him Dash by the way.
Oh gawd Dad, I know I am not much with words when it comes to opening up to you. But I miss you so so much. You always protected me and a lot of times I still find myself looking for that protective someone who would do the same but no one will ever compare to you. I remember the embrace you would give me right after every one of our talks. Our talks where you would reprimand me for something I did but in the end you would always always forgive me. No one will ever compare to you.
I'm sorry for hurting you Dad. For not exerting effort to understand you. For taking you for granted. I miss you so much. I still find it hard to move on, I guess I never really will. I am sorry for those times I disobeyed you and disrespected you. When I think of it now, I want to take all of those times back.
It's been three years Dad and I still think of you everyday. I miss you.
I Love You Dad.
---
Check these out:
Dad's Website
Steve
Things have been doing fine since you left. Shortly after you left, I graduated. Yes Dad, I finally did! I cried that night because I knew how much you wanted to see me receive my diploma. And I wanted you to see me knowing that, that simple accomplishment would ease a little bit of the pain in your heart that I caused you all those years. Also, Jet found a job. And yes he did buy that first can of milk you always told him to buy as soon as he received his first paycheck. And he did feel so good about it.
Right after you left, I decided to take the time to stay home with Mom. Jet, Josh and I moved in with her by the way. So the first few weeks after you left were spent doing general cleaning around the house. Mom offered us your room (I hope you don't mind) and she moved into my old room.
2 months after you left, I found a job. I have been working for the same company since.
10 months after you left, Mom was diagnosed with cancer. Lung cancer by the way - yes caused by her smoking. I know. I'm sure she told you all about it. But anyway, I want to tell you all about it from my point of view. SO she was diagnosed and Tita Fe and the rest of Mom's siblings decided that treatment in Manila would be the best option. She went for 6 cycles of chemotherapy. It was a difficult time Dad. But I don't know how you would have taken all of it if you were still around. I am thankful things were orchestrated the way they were because in a sense you were protected from the pain. Anyway, as true love dictates, from my understanding, Mom could not bear living without you. So 1 1/2 years after you left, she decided to leave too and follow you.
11 months after you left, Josh started pre-school. Oh it would have been such a blast for you to hear the stories he had to share after coming home from school. And guess what, for the 1st few weeks of school, he would always eat the food of his classmates. I know! So far he has grown into an inquisitive little pre-schooler. He starts PrepI this May 2. Oh Dad if you could see him right now, he has grown so much.
2 years after you left, your other grandson came into this world. Yep, yet another boy. I know! You would have been thrilled. I know. Well this little one seems to have taken after me - I think! We call him Dash by the way.
Oh gawd Dad, I know I am not much with words when it comes to opening up to you. But I miss you so so much. You always protected me and a lot of times I still find myself looking for that protective someone who would do the same but no one will ever compare to you. I remember the embrace you would give me right after every one of our talks. Our talks where you would reprimand me for something I did but in the end you would always always forgive me. No one will ever compare to you.
I'm sorry for hurting you Dad. For not exerting effort to understand you. For taking you for granted. I miss you so much. I still find it hard to move on, I guess I never really will. I am sorry for those times I disobeyed you and disrespected you. When I think of it now, I want to take all of those times back.
It's been three years Dad and I still think of you everyday. I miss you.
I Love You Dad.
---
Check these out:
Dad's Website
Steve
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
On Finally Finding Closure
If you notice on my side bar, I put links of "Cancer Warriors." People who have battled or are battling cancer. Although I am not a cancer warrior, I feel a certain connection to cancer warriors as well as to care takers of cancer warriors since 2 years ago, I too took care of a cancer warrior - My Mom. And so every now and then, I visit their blogs, excited to read what has been the latest updates on their battle. And it saddens me when I read prognosis' that seem grim. And I admire these warriors - their determination to fight this battle, the strength they carry knowing that they will never really know what to expect the next day.
-
I can only speak for myself. But I remember, when my Mom told me she had cancer, for the first time in my life 'uncertainty' just felt too real. Too real that I was scared to sleep. What would happen tomorrow? I didn't want tomorrow to arrive because I did not know what tomorrow would bring. I did not know what the 'next steps' were.
-
When finally Mom began chemotherapy, 'hope' started to paint itself in my heart. So many people encouraged us, showed so much support, gave financial support. Suddenly, I could not Wait for tomorrow. In my mind, the battle was finished. The cancer cells would disappear and Mom would finish the battle. She would see me grow into a young woman. She would enjoy her grandchildren until a good old age.
-
When Mom had her CT-scan after her 6th chemo cycle, scans yielded very good results. From a tumor the size of a golf ball, only .3 mm was left. Praise God! Good riddance tumor! But she had to go for an additional 45 radiation sessions to make sure whatever was left of tumor completely disappears. And then it hit me, I was reminded that remission takes 5 years before you are declared cancer free. How do you live those 5 years of waiting? In fear? Hopeful? Indifferent? What if the cancer returned? I could no longer imagine re-living the whole cancer thing again.
-
I guess I went ahead of what was actually happening. More than half way through Mom's radiation treatment, she got sick. They could not quite pin point if it was Tuberculosis or Pneumonia. Since she had to stop her radiation treatment in the meantime, they decided to do another CT-scan. Results were not good. The remaining tumor did not shrink at all and just remained the same.
-
Instead of fighting it out, Mom became very depressed. She no longer saw the sense in finishing the battle. That's how I saw it.
-
Her pneumonia worsened. Just sitting up from her hospital bed was too tiring for her. I would cry when she would be asleep. I would silently cry out and ask why He was doing this to Mom. To me.
-
One day, in the hospital, in between gasps for breath, Mom asked me if I would be okay if she left already. And in between my tears, I assured her not to worry.
-
I asked myself, why was I pretending to be tough?
-
Her last week in the ICU was the worst. At this point I don't think I am ready to write about it yet.
-
She decided to leave without me being by her side. Thanks Mom, I don't think I would ever get over it if I were by your bedside.
-
How does one truly move on? Where do I start?
-
I can only speak for myself. But I remember, when my Mom told me she had cancer, for the first time in my life 'uncertainty' just felt too real. Too real that I was scared to sleep. What would happen tomorrow? I didn't want tomorrow to arrive because I did not know what tomorrow would bring. I did not know what the 'next steps' were.
-
When finally Mom began chemotherapy, 'hope' started to paint itself in my heart. So many people encouraged us, showed so much support, gave financial support. Suddenly, I could not Wait for tomorrow. In my mind, the battle was finished. The cancer cells would disappear and Mom would finish the battle. She would see me grow into a young woman. She would enjoy her grandchildren until a good old age.
-
When Mom had her CT-scan after her 6th chemo cycle, scans yielded very good results. From a tumor the size of a golf ball, only .3 mm was left. Praise God! Good riddance tumor! But she had to go for an additional 45 radiation sessions to make sure whatever was left of tumor completely disappears. And then it hit me, I was reminded that remission takes 5 years before you are declared cancer free. How do you live those 5 years of waiting? In fear? Hopeful? Indifferent? What if the cancer returned? I could no longer imagine re-living the whole cancer thing again.
-
I guess I went ahead of what was actually happening. More than half way through Mom's radiation treatment, she got sick. They could not quite pin point if it was Tuberculosis or Pneumonia. Since she had to stop her radiation treatment in the meantime, they decided to do another CT-scan. Results were not good. The remaining tumor did not shrink at all and just remained the same.
-
Instead of fighting it out, Mom became very depressed. She no longer saw the sense in finishing the battle. That's how I saw it.
-
Her pneumonia worsened. Just sitting up from her hospital bed was too tiring for her. I would cry when she would be asleep. I would silently cry out and ask why He was doing this to Mom. To me.
-
One day, in the hospital, in between gasps for breath, Mom asked me if I would be okay if she left already. And in between my tears, I assured her not to worry.
-
I asked myself, why was I pretending to be tough?
-
Her last week in the ICU was the worst. At this point I don't think I am ready to write about it yet.
-
She decided to leave without me being by her side. Thanks Mom, I don't think I would ever get over it if I were by your bedside.
-
How does one truly move on? Where do I start?
Homefront
Just thought about writing about things going on at home.
-
Josh is on summer break before he goes back to school on May2. So with the energy of a 5 year old, keeping him at home = not a good idea. We have decided to enroll him in swimming lessons and basketball. I'm pretty excited about this.
-
The little one has a tooth!!! Lower left side. I saw it over the weekend when he decided to scream his heart out. Couldn't take a picture of it though - baby never keeps still more so if I try to hold him down and open his mouth just to snap at that itty bitty tooth. Maybe in a few days.
-
GREAT NEWS! The nanny has decided not to study this June!! I am so blessed! But she has asked for a week's vacation. Freaking out. Still do not know how our schedules will look.
-
Pray for me phuleez? Got my application forms for my Master's degree (MA Management). Nervous about the GMAT. Freaking out actually. But if I take MA Social Dev't, I won't have to take the GMAT. SO....hmmm.
-
Sister in Law is on summer break and has decided to stay with us for the summer. Great idea. Because she can help out with the baby sitting. She will be going to college in June.
-
Jet and I continue to weigh the options of finally working on our papers needed to move out (possibly Canada). Need to secure better future of the boys. It is hard though, just thinking about having to leave one's comfort zone. Freaking out again.
-
It's Holy Week and I can't freaking wait for the 4 day break! aahh. I so love vacations.
-
I know, I worry too much. Do you?
-
Josh is on summer break before he goes back to school on May2. So with the energy of a 5 year old, keeping him at home = not a good idea. We have decided to enroll him in swimming lessons and basketball. I'm pretty excited about this.
-
The little one has a tooth!!! Lower left side. I saw it over the weekend when he decided to scream his heart out. Couldn't take a picture of it though - baby never keeps still more so if I try to hold him down and open his mouth just to snap at that itty bitty tooth. Maybe in a few days.
-
GREAT NEWS! The nanny has decided not to study this June!! I am so blessed! But she has asked for a week's vacation. Freaking out. Still do not know how our schedules will look.
-
Pray for me phuleez? Got my application forms for my Master's degree (MA Management). Nervous about the GMAT. Freaking out actually. But if I take MA Social Dev't, I won't have to take the GMAT. SO....hmmm.
-
Sister in Law is on summer break and has decided to stay with us for the summer. Great idea. Because she can help out with the baby sitting. She will be going to college in June.
-
Jet and I continue to weigh the options of finally working on our papers needed to move out (possibly Canada). Need to secure better future of the boys. It is hard though, just thinking about having to leave one's comfort zone. Freaking out again.
-
It's Holy Week and I can't freaking wait for the 4 day break! aahh. I so love vacations.
-
I know, I worry too much. Do you?
Friday, March 30, 2007
Quite a Sensitive Topic - I Think?
I have a question. Do parents really have favorites when it comes to their kids? Seriously. I am an only child so I grew without any "competition" and the attention of both my parents was basically centered on me. Now that "only child syndrome" is another sensitive topic haha. No but seriously, I would want to know.
Mom's out there with more than one kiddo? Are you there? I can't quite feel anything like that yet because my boys are spaced so far apart and both have very different needs. Like the little one is still a baby (oh c'mon his 1st birthday is still 2 months away - something I am dreading also by the way) who needs the attention when he is playing - he might put something in his mouth that may cause him to choke, needs the attention when he is climbing and trying to cruise - balance not yet perfect so there is a chance he may knock his head, needs the attention during feeding time, etc. The 5 year old boy on the other hand needs attention in different ways too. When he is playing, we try our best to play with him, when he practices writing or reading we make it a point to pay full attention to him or when he is washing his hands, we make sure he just washes his hands and does not shrink the whole soap bar until his fingers are all wrinkly.
And I was thinking, my 2 boys seem to have very different personalities. Like the older one is such a joker, he is very light hearted and thinks that everything is a game. The baby on the other hand is a lot moodier, is very assertive and thinks that if his older brother can do something, he can do it better.
But how come a lot of people can easily pin point who the favorite one in the family is? Like I have friends with siblings and when we share stories, they get to refer to their brother or sister as the 'favorite' one. Or I sometimes observe my friends who have more than 1 kid, I sense who they favor over the other. Is it just my perception or does this really happen?
Mom's out there with more than one kiddo? Are you there? I can't quite feel anything like that yet because my boys are spaced so far apart and both have very different needs. Like the little one is still a baby (oh c'mon his 1st birthday is still 2 months away - something I am dreading also by the way) who needs the attention when he is playing - he might put something in his mouth that may cause him to choke, needs the attention when he is climbing and trying to cruise - balance not yet perfect so there is a chance he may knock his head, needs the attention during feeding time, etc. The 5 year old boy on the other hand needs attention in different ways too. When he is playing, we try our best to play with him, when he practices writing or reading we make it a point to pay full attention to him or when he is washing his hands, we make sure he just washes his hands and does not shrink the whole soap bar until his fingers are all wrinkly.
And I was thinking, my 2 boys seem to have very different personalities. Like the older one is such a joker, he is very light hearted and thinks that everything is a game. The baby on the other hand is a lot moodier, is very assertive and thinks that if his older brother can do something, he can do it better.
But how come a lot of people can easily pin point who the favorite one in the family is? Like I have friends with siblings and when we share stories, they get to refer to their brother or sister as the 'favorite' one. Or I sometimes observe my friends who have more than 1 kid, I sense who they favor over the other. Is it just my perception or does this really happen?
Real Moms ... Experience Fear
Oh oh oh I am excited. I was tagged for the FIRST time by Susie J.
(Thanks Susie J.!)
-
Real Moms experience fear when giving birth. That although you may have given birth twice or thrice or five times, each birth is a different experience. That the fear of giving birth then turns into the fear of your baby's health. That all you pray for is a healthy and complete baby.
Real Moms experience fear when caring for a baby. That even if everyone tells you that the 'motherly instinct" will automatically kick in, you can't help but worry about how you are going to bathe your baby ALONE for the first time when you get home, about how you are going to nurse you baby in the middle of the night while still feeling all sore or about how you are going to put on that tiny little sweater when your baby looks so fragile - too fragile in fact.
Real Moms experience fear when feeding their baby mashed food for the first time. Will the baby choke? Will the baby's tummy be able to take the food? Maybe try it next month instead?
Real Moms experience fear when the little one takes his first step. Because this will mean baby no longer wanting to be carried.
Real Moms experience fear when she drops her toddler off at pre-school for the first time. Will he be safe in school? Will he fall off the monkey bars? Will his teacher see him if he falls? Will he make friends? Will he cry and suddenly look for you, wanting to go home, but then mommy isn't at the gate yet.
Real Moms experience fear just thinking and knowing that one day she will have to let go. Let go of the person who once grew in your womb for 9 months. The person who gave new meaning to your life. The person who you nursed and cared for so much that even the bite of a mosquito was a BIG no-no. Fear that you will have to trust that someone up there to look over the once little one who is now all grown up and ready to face the world.
-
Now, I tag 5 people :
1.Unseal My Lips
2.Upheaval
3.Living In Perfect Chaos
4.Chaos Control
5.City Lizzy
(Thanks Susie J.!)
-
Real Moms experience fear when giving birth. That although you may have given birth twice or thrice or five times, each birth is a different experience. That the fear of giving birth then turns into the fear of your baby's health. That all you pray for is a healthy and complete baby.
Real Moms experience fear when caring for a baby. That even if everyone tells you that the 'motherly instinct" will automatically kick in, you can't help but worry about how you are going to bathe your baby ALONE for the first time when you get home, about how you are going to nurse you baby in the middle of the night while still feeling all sore or about how you are going to put on that tiny little sweater when your baby looks so fragile - too fragile in fact.
Real Moms experience fear when feeding their baby mashed food for the first time. Will the baby choke? Will the baby's tummy be able to take the food? Maybe try it next month instead?
Real Moms experience fear when the little one takes his first step. Because this will mean baby no longer wanting to be carried.
Real Moms experience fear when she drops her toddler off at pre-school for the first time. Will he be safe in school? Will he fall off the monkey bars? Will his teacher see him if he falls? Will he make friends? Will he cry and suddenly look for you, wanting to go home, but then mommy isn't at the gate yet.
Real Moms experience fear just thinking and knowing that one day she will have to let go. Let go of the person who once grew in your womb for 9 months. The person who gave new meaning to your life. The person who you nursed and cared for so much that even the bite of a mosquito was a BIG no-no. Fear that you will have to trust that someone up there to look over the once little one who is now all grown up and ready to face the world.
-
Now, I tag 5 people :
1.Unseal My Lips
2.Upheaval
3.Living In Perfect Chaos
4.Chaos Control
5.City Lizzy
Hmmm...Interesting. Really.
Thank You http://www.berro.com/entertainment/general_interesting_facts.htm
* The Pope has been known to wear RED Prada shoes.
----> I wanted to comment. But no more. All I can say is they must have looked regal.
* For every 10 successful attempts to climb Mt.Everest there is one fatality (as of 2006).
----> To conquer nature knowing we are but human. Last night, I read an article in this month's Reader's Digest. THe article featured a story of a team (3 men) who were about 3 hours short or reaching Everest's summit when they came upon a man who was half naked (snowsuit pulled down until his waist, no shirt on) and who seemed dazed and confused. The issue here was, was the team going to stop? Because if they did, they would definitley not reach the summit. Or would they leave this dying man (who was experiencing cerebral edema) and go for their dream of a lifetime to conquer the mountian? THe team decided that they could not let this man die.
According to one of the climbers, it is a reality that sometimes, a climber must cross over a dead man's body on his way up to the summit.
Which brings me to wonder, is it worth the fight?
* Apples, not caffeine, are more efficent at waking you up in the mornings.
----> So what is the real deal with apples? Does the saying "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" stand true? What are the other beenifts of this fruit called the apple?
* Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
----> So how did he stand living with his mouse for so long? Ironic. Funny.
* The total combined weight of the worlds ant population is heavier than the weight of human population
----> Amazing. Well, we do have lots of ants at home and in the garden, but heavier than human population? Man, talk about population control.
* Napoleon made his battle plans in a sandbox
----> Now I wonder if putting up a sandbox in the backyard will be a good idea for the boys.
* On an average, a 4 year old asks 437 questions a day
----> I am SO NOT surprised. At all. Na-uh. But do we get to answer these 437 questions? Hmm...
* The Pope has been known to wear RED Prada shoes.
----> I wanted to comment. But no more. All I can say is they must have looked regal.
* For every 10 successful attempts to climb Mt.Everest there is one fatality (as of 2006).
----> To conquer nature knowing we are but human. Last night, I read an article in this month's Reader's Digest. THe article featured a story of a team (3 men) who were about 3 hours short or reaching Everest's summit when they came upon a man who was half naked (snowsuit pulled down until his waist, no shirt on) and who seemed dazed and confused. The issue here was, was the team going to stop? Because if they did, they would definitley not reach the summit. Or would they leave this dying man (who was experiencing cerebral edema) and go for their dream of a lifetime to conquer the mountian? THe team decided that they could not let this man die.
According to one of the climbers, it is a reality that sometimes, a climber must cross over a dead man's body on his way up to the summit.
Which brings me to wonder, is it worth the fight?
* Apples, not caffeine, are more efficent at waking you up in the mornings.
----> So what is the real deal with apples? Does the saying "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" stand true? What are the other beenifts of this fruit called the apple?
* Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
----> So how did he stand living with his mouse for so long? Ironic. Funny.
* The total combined weight of the worlds ant population is heavier than the weight of human population
----> Amazing. Well, we do have lots of ants at home and in the garden, but heavier than human population? Man, talk about population control.
* Napoleon made his battle plans in a sandbox
----> Now I wonder if putting up a sandbox in the backyard will be a good idea for the boys.
* On an average, a 4 year old asks 437 questions a day
----> I am SO NOT surprised. At all. Na-uh. But do we get to answer these 437 questions? Hmm...
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Bangkok
As I mentioned in the previous post, the wait at the airport seemed like forever
We boarded the plane a little before 10AM and arrived in Bangkok around 1PM Bangkok time. Bangkok is an hour behind Philippine time.
After checking in at the hotel, Jet and I were famished, so we headed out and searched for a good Thai restaurant. Yummy.
The next day, we toured the city, well basically we toured the temples. 
After checking in at the hotel, Jet and I were famished, so we headed out and searched for a good Thai restaurant. Yummy.The next day, we toured the city, well basically we toured the temples. 
So after that massage, we decided to walk a zillion miles again and look for good bargains again. By the end of the day, we were wiped out and decided to take the tuktuk back to the hotel. The tuktuk driver was kind enough to take our picture.
The next day, while walking out of the hotel, I caught a glimpse of a woman frying what looked to me like shrimps - sorta like mini tempura's. I love shrimp but shrimps in the Philippines is very expensive. Like for a kilo, it would cost somewhere between PHP 300 - 500 depending on the size of the shrimps. But this (picture above) only cost 20 baht and there were like 6 pieces! Thai street food could never have been better!
The next day, while walking out of the hotel, I caught a glimpse of a woman frying what looked to me like shrimps - sorta like mini tempura's. I love shrimp but shrimps in the Philippines is very expensive. Like for a kilo, it would cost somewhere between PHP 300 - 500 depending on the size of the shrimps. But this (picture above) only cost 20 baht and there were like 6 pieces! Thai street food could never have been better!
We took a break from shopping and visited Siam Ocean World. Cool fishes and sharks, fascinating large groupers. Here we suddenly missed the kids, we knew Josh would have been thrilled and Dash would have been confused hahaha. But yeah we felt the kids should have been with us.
The nest day (our last day), I was craving for no more Thai food (got it?). I just wanted a big fat juicy burger. We found a Burger King nearby the hotel. So Ketchup and Chili Sauce. Chili is a staple in Thailand. I also enjoying finding out what each fast food in each country has to offer that is unique to that country. Like in the Philippines, we serve our chicken with rice and we have what we call the Burger McDo - sweet Filipino taste. I discovered that in Thailand, they serve pork burgers! Too bad I had ordered my burger before seeing that, I would have wanted to taste it.
We did our last minute shopping and headed back to the hotel to pack as the airport service was to pick us up at 10:30AM. Shops in Bangkok open as early as 730AM.So yes we were shopping as early as that! And we left for Bangkok with just 1 suitcase and we had to buy another one to fit in all the goodies.
All ready to head back home :)
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Touchdown
We're back! Bangkok was great. The experience was wonderful. I had a lot of mixed emotions which I experienced throughout the whole trip.
Well, when we left for Manila on Thursday night (after a zillion reminders left with my MIL and nanny), I felt a bit sad and guilty. Leaving the kids?! 4 days?! But I reminded myself that Jet and I deserved this. So come Friday morning on our way to the airport I felt that everything was surreal. Was this really happening?? Oh yes it was.
Upon entering the airport, memories of my childhood travels just flashed before my eyes. Suddenly I was craving for the thrill and excitement I would feel every time my cousins and I would travel to Africa during the summer to stay with my Aunt. The last time I traveled outside the country was when I was 14 - we went to Bali and Bangkok. So I thought I forgot what to do or where to go. But just a few things had changed like we departed from a newer airport and security is a lot tighter (which is a good thing) but other than that, the process was all too familiar to me. I was so excited.
So we checked in and passed thru immigration and then - something terrible. During the what they call, final check, this lady from immigrations asked me why I had more than the prescribed amount of allowable money. I did not know that there is a law that states each Filipino citizen who leaves the country is only allowed to bring PHP 10,000 ($200) each. If a person exceeds this amount, he/she can bring additional money but in any other currency, not just peso. I had a little over PHP 30,000 ($600). The thing is, I do not have any credit card (cut all the cards before my mom died, felt it would put me in debt - knowing my spending habits!). So all the money I brought was in the form of cash. And the lady was saying that whatever exceeded the PHP 20,000 (10,ooo each for me and hubby) would be confiscated and would be considered national Treasury. And I was like - What the ---!? Are you kidding? National Treasury? Or Own Pockets? Geez. I swear I was on the brink of crying. So I asked what options we had. And she just kept saying that I should have known blah. Well I didn't. In the end, she allowed Jet to run to a nearby bank and have the excess changed into US dollars. After all that, Jet couldn't stop laughing at me and how wrecked I looked. Geez.
-
So the wait at the airport seemed like forever. I have seen better airports with lots of things to do (like the Schiphol airport in Amsterdam) so the wait was long and boring. We finally boarded and reached Bangkok at 12:30 PM. Again excitement filled me. I just had this urge to call my Mom and tell her that Jet and I actually made our first trip abroad together. I suddenly missed her so much. So I decided to dial her number on my cell (I do this often when I am lonely), and as it always happens, the other end said "Number Not In Use." So I hung up.
-
Right after checking in at our hotel, explore was what Jet and I decided to do. I felt so free. You know? This was the first time in 5 years that Jet and I would be doing something together without anybody else. First time in 5 years! Wow. Having kids does change your life.
Like I was thinking if the kids were with us, we could not, would not and should not have left the hotel without a fixed, structured itinerary. No way. But since there were only 2 adults involved in this trip, there was just so much freedom. We walked the crowded streets of Bangkok looking for authentic Thai food. And Authentic Thai food we did find. Man, their food in Bangkok is so cheap. And dig this I was free to have a couple of drinks. Hah!
-
The next day we had a city tour. Basically went to see temples and take pictures with Buddha. After lunch, Jet and I went to the Chatuchak Weekend market. Man I went wild! I love shopping by the way - given I have the luxury of time to really dig in those SALE piles and have the money to spend. And I found this to be the perfect time to do it. Thailand (even the Philippines) is one country the Western market caves it's way into especially the retail industry. We offer cheap labor - given the fact that we have very high unemployment rates and low literacy rates, one who does not have the privilege to finish schools takes on whatever job is available to support his / her family. So cut the long political story short, I found a LOT of Hollister, Abercrombie, Old Navy and GAP export overruns.Woohoo. Like a shirt for just 50 baht ($2)!?
-
Tired was what I felt next. My feet were aching! But walk is still what Jet and I did. We did not want to miss out on any sale or bargain ! Haha. I want to laugh right now just remembering how excited we were.
-
More details to come later. But on the last day, I just felt ready to go home. I bought things for the boys and I was just so excited to see their reactions. I wanted to hug them both so badly.
-
This morning I reported for work. Groggy and sleepy. Arrived at 2AM and as soon as the boys heard us, they decided to wake up and wait for their goodies (yes even the 10 month old baby). We all finally went to bed at 4AM. Had to go to work at 8. Arghh.
-
Pictures to follow :)
Well, when we left for Manila on Thursday night (after a zillion reminders left with my MIL and nanny), I felt a bit sad and guilty. Leaving the kids?! 4 days?! But I reminded myself that Jet and I deserved this. So come Friday morning on our way to the airport I felt that everything was surreal. Was this really happening?? Oh yes it was.
Upon entering the airport, memories of my childhood travels just flashed before my eyes. Suddenly I was craving for the thrill and excitement I would feel every time my cousins and I would travel to Africa during the summer to stay with my Aunt. The last time I traveled outside the country was when I was 14 - we went to Bali and Bangkok. So I thought I forgot what to do or where to go. But just a few things had changed like we departed from a newer airport and security is a lot tighter (which is a good thing) but other than that, the process was all too familiar to me. I was so excited.
So we checked in and passed thru immigration and then - something terrible. During the what they call, final check, this lady from immigrations asked me why I had more than the prescribed amount of allowable money. I did not know that there is a law that states each Filipino citizen who leaves the country is only allowed to bring PHP 10,000 ($200) each. If a person exceeds this amount, he/she can bring additional money but in any other currency, not just peso. I had a little over PHP 30,000 ($600). The thing is, I do not have any credit card (cut all the cards before my mom died, felt it would put me in debt - knowing my spending habits!). So all the money I brought was in the form of cash. And the lady was saying that whatever exceeded the PHP 20,000 (10,ooo each for me and hubby) would be confiscated and would be considered national Treasury. And I was like - What the ---!? Are you kidding? National Treasury? Or Own Pockets? Geez. I swear I was on the brink of crying. So I asked what options we had. And she just kept saying that I should have known blah. Well I didn't. In the end, she allowed Jet to run to a nearby bank and have the excess changed into US dollars. After all that, Jet couldn't stop laughing at me and how wrecked I looked. Geez.
-
So the wait at the airport seemed like forever. I have seen better airports with lots of things to do (like the Schiphol airport in Amsterdam) so the wait was long and boring. We finally boarded and reached Bangkok at 12:30 PM. Again excitement filled me. I just had this urge to call my Mom and tell her that Jet and I actually made our first trip abroad together. I suddenly missed her so much. So I decided to dial her number on my cell (I do this often when I am lonely), and as it always happens, the other end said "Number Not In Use." So I hung up.
-
Right after checking in at our hotel, explore was what Jet and I decided to do. I felt so free. You know? This was the first time in 5 years that Jet and I would be doing something together without anybody else. First time in 5 years! Wow. Having kids does change your life.
Like I was thinking if the kids were with us, we could not, would not and should not have left the hotel without a fixed, structured itinerary. No way. But since there were only 2 adults involved in this trip, there was just so much freedom. We walked the crowded streets of Bangkok looking for authentic Thai food. And Authentic Thai food we did find. Man, their food in Bangkok is so cheap. And dig this I was free to have a couple of drinks. Hah!
-
The next day we had a city tour. Basically went to see temples and take pictures with Buddha. After lunch, Jet and I went to the Chatuchak Weekend market. Man I went wild! I love shopping by the way - given I have the luxury of time to really dig in those SALE piles and have the money to spend. And I found this to be the perfect time to do it. Thailand (even the Philippines) is one country the Western market caves it's way into especially the retail industry. We offer cheap labor - given the fact that we have very high unemployment rates and low literacy rates, one who does not have the privilege to finish schools takes on whatever job is available to support his / her family. So cut the long political story short, I found a LOT of Hollister, Abercrombie, Old Navy and GAP export overruns.Woohoo. Like a shirt for just 50 baht ($2)!?
-
Tired was what I felt next. My feet were aching! But walk is still what Jet and I did. We did not want to miss out on any sale or bargain ! Haha. I want to laugh right now just remembering how excited we were.
-
More details to come later. But on the last day, I just felt ready to go home. I bought things for the boys and I was just so excited to see their reactions. I wanted to hug them both so badly.
-
This morning I reported for work. Groggy and sleepy. Arrived at 2AM and as soon as the boys heard us, they decided to wake up and wait for their goodies (yes even the 10 month old baby). We all finally went to bed at 4AM. Had to go to work at 8. Arghh.
-
Pictures to follow :)
Friday, March 23, 2007
Lazy
Just a few pictures to share. I'm too lazy to really write right now. So hubby and I are off to Bangkok tomorrow. Thankful that my MIL will be staying over at our house to stay with the kiddos. Be back on Monday.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
The Problem With Hello Is Goodbye....Sniff
WHY? Why do I have to say goodbye to my favorite TV shows?
Because they are not making enough money anymore? Because nobody watches them anymore? Because they think they are too good already? Because their networks refuse to pay a higher fee?
Sniff.
I'm not a TV junkie. No. But once I start watching a show and I come to really love it, there is no letting go for me.
Here are the shows I laughed and cried with. The shows which made me an addict!
1. FRIENDS - My all time favorite. I never mind watching re-runs over and over and over and over. 10 years of watching them did not seem like 10 years, seriously. Smelly cat, smelly cat what are they feeding you...
2. Sex and The City - ahhh Mr.Big!!!
3. The O.C. - yeah I know, but I still love it. Well OK, I love Ryan and now he's gone - for good.
4. Desperate Housewives - I'd want to be one someday. Hah!
5. One Tree Hill - Okay, this is my latest addiction and I am praying that it does not end soon.
Any suggestions as what I should get hooked on next?
Because they are not making enough money anymore? Because nobody watches them anymore? Because they think they are too good already? Because their networks refuse to pay a higher fee?
Sniff.
I'm not a TV junkie. No. But once I start watching a show and I come to really love it, there is no letting go for me.
Here are the shows I laughed and cried with. The shows which made me an addict!
1. FRIENDS - My all time favorite. I never mind watching re-runs over and over and over and over. 10 years of watching them did not seem like 10 years, seriously. Smelly cat, smelly cat what are they feeding you...
2. Sex and The City - ahhh Mr.Big!!!
3. The O.C. - yeah I know, but I still love it. Well OK, I love Ryan and now he's gone - for good.
4. Desperate Housewives - I'd want to be one someday. Hah!
5. One Tree Hill - Okay, this is my latest addiction and I am praying that it does not end soon.
Any suggestions as what I should get hooked on next?
STEAK
I love Steak. Josh loves Steak. Jet loves Steak. Our family loves Steak. We fry it in butter, soak it in marinade and grill it, we bake it. We love steak. We serve it with rice, mashed potatoes, buttered veggies, ceasar salad. But I still have to learn the right and perfect recipe.
Care to share with me your recipe? I'd love to hear from you.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
This Is My Work Station
There is a saying:
Train stations are where trains stop. Bus stations are where buses stop. So, work stations are where ______________ (fill in the blank).
Ok... the full view then
And the only thing that keeps me sane thru the day is:
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