I Just Can't Kick It

I think it's creeping back -- my addiction....

TO BLOGGING. It's 6:22 AM, it's a schoolday, it's the hubby's birthday (he's still blissfully snoring in dreamland), I'm trying to get my 2 year old to eat his breakfast (but all I get are a zillion ME's and a trillion NO's) and voila! here I am in front of my laptop stealing as much time as I can to read all your blogs.

Well...all you have a nice day ahead and I will see you tonight when I get back from work.

Very addicting.

Reality Bites-- OUCH!

Such realizations have been lingering in my mind over the past couple of months but I guess, just like any other person, the first step when it comes to accepting the truth is -- denial. Which is what I have been wallowing in for the past months as well.

I always thought I was the "housewifey" type of person which for a time I was dreaming of becoming. I loved the idea of being able to focus on the kids 100% of the time, being able to prepare a menu for the week, being able to do the grocery on a weekday, be able to have craft time with the kids on a regular basis. But no. I am just not that person.

First of all, I suck at cooking. I love cooking as in I really do -- but apparently those who eat my cooking would beg to disagree. I know. I love looking for new recipes and buying the ingredients for it but the outcome just doesn't add up to the expectations of those who have to eat it. And unlike others who can whip up a meal out of scratch and instinct when it comes to the ingredients they put in it, I on the other hand, always need a cookbook. There I said it. I am not the type of after whipping up a whole meal, I leave my family or guests clamoring to find out how I cooked such a delicious meal or family members requesting me to cook it again the soonest I can because they just can't get enough of it. I'm glad I have a househelp whom I can totally rely on when it comes to the cooking. I leave the kitchen to her. I can chop and slice and peel if she wants me to but I leave the cooking itself to her.

And I am so not good when it comes to crafts or the art of doing it. Again, crafting ideas don't just pop out of mind as if a light bulb just went on. If and when I do get the chance to do crafts, it is ALWAYS taken out of a crafts book or magazine. I think a big part of this is because I am such a disorganized person. I would love to have all my things in order -- if somebody did it for me. I know, I suck. But for me to actually get up and start labeling containers and putting some order to my things-- you could wait till forever. Although I am working on it. I started with my closet and my shoes. The toy room of the kids still gives me palpitations just looking at the volume of toys that need organizing.

Those are just 2 of the many many realizations I have to face with and have gotten the courage to talk about and admit and finally say that nope, I am sorry but in that aspect, I totally suck but I will try to be better at it but do not expect drastic changes.

Still Puzzled

3 days ago, I saw this under our car--- didn't want to touch it more so have anything to do with it but it obviously had something to do with us. Freaked out, I went inside the house to get my camera and I called my 6 year old to take a look at it.
All I got was a : Hahahahahaha KEWL! answer from him like it was one of the greatest things in the world.
So then I called the husband and left him to do the rest.

Delish. Try It.

The ingredients may sound a tad too rich but once in a while, treat yourself!

Yummy Ceasar Salad


You will need:

(for 2-3 people)

• 2-3 garlic cloves
• 3 egg yolks
• 1 tsp prepared mustard
• 1/2 cup corn oil
• 1 slice anchovy
• 2 calamansi (lemon)
  
• 1 tsp vinegar
• regular pepper
• crushed peppercorns
• 3 TBS or more Parmesan cheese
• 3 large tsp bacon bits
• 2 small salad bowls of lettuce
• croutons

1. Crush garlic.
2. Add unbroken egg yolks - one at a time.
3. mustard
4. Blend oil slowly (should be done in only 1 direction all through out).
   
5. crush anchovy
6. mix other ingredients.

* Best if you use a wooden salad bowl when making the dressing.
* For the croutons, I just toss in 3 or 4 slices of whole wheat bread in the toaster and toast them for 2 minutes 2 times. Wait for it to harden and then cut into small squares.

Every Once In A While We Are Hit, Never To Be The Same Again

I remember around 2 years ago -- shortly after I gave birth to my second boy, I went through something. I don't quite think it was a major bout of depression or full blown post-partum blues, it was more like a little feeling of inadequacy, a pinch of restlessness here and a handful of insanity on the other side. I felt like my life was out of control, always in a rush and I always felt tired --physically and emotionally. I wasn't quite sure about how to handle all the new changes and adjustments. And as everybody had told me before, today I look back at all that and smile. Probably until the next baby-- in like a year or 2. I'm saving that story for another post.

And again, as I look back on 2 years ago, I realize that I was surrounded by a lot of single people. Even if I trusted them and even if they were there to hear me out, how was I supposed to expect them to understand and empathize with me? I mean yes they listened to me but what could they say? Which is why I probably felt a little worse because I felt that I was the only one going through such things.

Talk about 2 years after 2 years ago. Surrounded my workmates who have families. And blessed with 2 more very close friends who are due sometime 3rd quarter of this year and new blogging mommy friends, I feel I'm no longer alone in the boat. Suddenly, there's a whole ark full of people who totally are speaking my same language of milk and diapers and pre-school and work and domestic squabbles and heartaches and heartbreaks once in a while. And it really feels so good to know that it's OK to sometimes think you're going insane because you feel you can't wake up in the middle of the night to give milk to your screaming toddler and wake up at 6 in the morning so that you can work out in the gym right before rushing off to work while thinking of your pre-schooler in school and before you know it you're home in your apron cutting up the chicken and preparing the vegetables for dinner. And it's OK for to whine about the husband because you know they will do exactly the same.

I know I have been a mother for 6 1/2 years already--to 2 boys, but I honestly think that now, I am slowly beginning to fully embrace the beauty and responsibility of motherhood. Not that I have never realized my being a mother in the past but just to be true to myself and to everyone else, I now know why I was given children and why I love having children and why I am so thankful for being blessed to be a mother. And slowly, I will continue this journey in the hope of realizing many more things.

Little Breaks Can Go A Long Way

At the beach.
Long weekend.
No school tomorrow.
No work tomorrow.
No rushing.
TV all I want.
WiFi all we want.
Kids are totally happy - sleeping late, eating chips and swimming till their skin are all wrinkled.
No need to clean.
No worrying about dinner.


Life can be sweet.

Sometimes, That Is All We Need.

Well my birthday leave was great. The day went by pretty fast but I didn't feel as if things were rushed. I got to do a lot of "me" time. Thank you all for all your greetings and warm thoughts sent my way during my big day. I love you all! And I know you know who you "all" are.

So the next day, I went back to work. Still feeling the "birthday" spirit in my blood, I was taking things lightly and was being so thankful about almost everything. So while leaving the bank to grab a quick bite for lunch,I saw an elderly couple - in their early 70's maybe, who probably had been standing in front of the ATM machine since like forever. They both looked confused. I smiled at them and then the old lady approached me asked me how to use the machine. It's nothing really new, after all ATM machines were non-existent 20 years ago. So I walked them through the whole process until they got their money. When the transaction was done, the woman and the man smiled at each other, thanked me and then walked away holding hands.

They looked lovely.Heart totally melted.

Really amazing. How many people have I met in my lifetime who, in their golden years, stayed married --happily married and still with the twinkle in their eyes. I couldn't stop smiling.

5 years down the road of marriage, a zillion bumps in the road, a thousand crossroads that we had to face and one incident that made me suddenly believe in forever.

I am thankful.

Yipee! Yahoo!

Around 2 weeks ago, while at the gym, there were these women -- 4 or 5 of them --- chit chatting. So while getting ready to work out, I well, started listening to their conversation.

It went a little something like this:

Woman1: Hey! So what time do your kids get off from school?

Woman2: 2:30. Hey aren't we...

Woman1: Great! Mine gets off at 3. Where's Woman 5?

Woman3: Woman 5 says she's on her way.

Woman2: Aren't we going to the salon after?

Woman4: I thought it's breakfast first?

Woman1: Where are we eating? I'm having my hair cut.

Woman3: There's a sale over at the dep't store. Let's go!

Woman1: So after gym, we eat and then...

Woman2: And then go get our hair done and then shop....

Woman4: So what are we having for breakfast?


For a minute there I thought they would notice my skin turning green with envy. Not because they were going to the salon or they were going shopping BUT because they had the luxury of time to do so ON A WEEKDAY. And even if it were a weekend, its as if you have so so so many other things to do rather than shop or get your nails done -- there folding the laundry, doing the grocery, cleaning up your closet. I mean, how great could that be? Not having to think about getting in the shower right after workout so that you won't be late for work, worrying about the amount of emails you have to read before actually getting to work, the reports you need to consolidate by lunch. Oh yeah, what to cook for dinner after a long day's work. And of course, how could you forget the children?! It can get crazy.

But today, I am on leave-- birthday leave! And I will enjoy every minute of today not thinking about work, the laundry, toys scattered on the floor. I refuse to rush things today. I have a great day ahead for me -- except for doing the grocery (which I love doing anyway), I have a whole day planned ahead of me. I'm going to laze around the house with the little one and then do the grocery after which I am meeting up with my former boss (who I heart so much) and we will be having lunch. I think I'm going to do a little window shopping in the afternoon before picking up hubby from work. Splendid.

I wish I had more days like these.

July Five...Years Ago

Today, I turn 26. There, I finally said it. For the first time I did not NOT mention my age!

I am thankful for the year that was and I am looking forward to the year that will be. When I was born, I had no idea what was in sore for me -- how was I supposed to know about the happy times? Or the sad and painful? I never knew how complicated life could be yet how easy it could be to find joy in the simplest of things.

Slowly I am beginning to understand why there is no such thing as a manual for LIFE. Or a Life for Dummies book. Or a written code about how we are to see things in life. Each of us will always have a different way of looking at things, of dealing with things, of enjoying what we do not have and being thankful for what we have. Life. We will never be able to escape what it has to offer us - no matter how much we try.

It's 11AM and the house is still. No little feet running through the house. There are 2 little boys napping in the living room. And here I am reflecting -- pondering / wondering, has my 26 years of existence been a waste? NOT.

For the mistakes I have committed, I am sorry. For the people I have made happy, I am thankful. For those I love, I will always love.

Tomorrow I look forward to a new beginning. Scared as I am, I will face what it has to bring with a brave heart filled with hope. I close my eyes and quietly whisper a prayer.

Remember, there is always sugar to make our life sweeter.

Help?

The husband has been under the weather for the past 5 days. Fever, pain in the abdomen, pain somewhere in his right shoulder, loose bowel and gas, fever and chills. We feel it is being caused by gall bladder stones although he hasn't gone to see a doctor (!). Ahem. Anyway, someone who had gall stones recommended we try an alternative medicine treatment using Espom Salt.

Has anyone heard about this? Tried it?

Cheers!

Now if this won't boost you immune system, I don't know what can!

(oranges, apples, cantaloupe and carrots)

They love it and I love making it, really. Most of the time, even before I can sit down and drink a glass of it, it's all gone. So I end up making another pitcher.

He loves the taste.

He loves slurping it up.

And, it's something they enjoy doing together. One of those rare times that the are not fighting / arguing / debating.

Things You'd Rather Not Have To Face

After 3 biopsies - lung aspiration, bone scan and lymph node samples -- the family finally got the answers. He had stage 4 cancer and they could no longer determine where the primary tumor originated. Whenever there would be free time during both our hectic schedules in the office, she would come to my table, hot cup of coffee in hand, she'd pull a chair and I'd bring out the biscuits. She'd talk and I would listen. She'd ask and I would try to answer. She would get teary eyed but her tears would never fall. I asked her why and she said she didn't ant anybody to see her crying, she wanted people to see her as someone strong.

I tried my best to bite my tongue but I felt I needed to say something. I told her I was that way a few years back, before I realized what true strength was. Everybody saw me as someone strong and I was sick of it. One day, I let loose. I cried and cried and cried and it felt much better. I shared with her my insights.

True strength isn't measured by out ability not to cry even in the most painful situations. For me, it's being able to express what you feel in front of other people because you know, in your heart that you are but human, You have feelings that cannot and should not be suppressed. But at the same time being able to regain composure and keep yourself together.

So i brought out the tissue. And she gave it a good cry.

Yesterday, she got a call from her sister. Her dad was in a worse condition. He could harldy breath anymore and could not sleep. He is 67 years old.

The family's initial decision was to forgo chemotherapy. After all, it would make him even weaker. But this morning, I got a message from my friend, sh was asking for the contact number of my Mom's oncologist. They decided to push through with some treatment.

This time, I bit my tongue. And kept my thoughts to myself.

Moments like these, I can't help but be thankful that those painful times in my life are over.

Keeps Me Sane, Really.

On the way to the grocery, in the car with my 6 year old son.

Josh: So, what did you want to become when you were young?

Me: Uh...A lawyer.

Josh: A lawyer!????!!!! (shock of his life tone)

Me: Yeah, like my Grandpa Sinai.

Josh: He was a lawyer?

Me: Uh huh. What about you, what do you wanna become?

Josh: A skyjumper!

Me: I mean to earn money (silly guy! Are you kidding me tone)

Josh: Ah, ok. A teacher! A teacher of little kids.

Me: Cool.

--- silence--- (which lasted for zero seconds)

Josh: Dead stinky worms make me feel sick.

Me: Uh, where did you see or smell dead stinky worms?

Josh: At home, while I was swinging in the garden.

Me: Seriously?

And then he laughs.

Ahh I need more of these conversations. They keep me sane.

The 2 Year Old Guy

It's been a month since he turned 2. From the day he was born, I knew I was in a for a whole new different adventure. He slept through the night (?), which lasted for just a week. But even if he would wake up in the middle of god knows what time, it wasn't such a struggle getting him back to peaceful slumber. He loves his breastmilk but didn't mind drinking it from the bottle as well.

Unlike his older brother who had me completely until he was 2, this guy was left at home with the househelp when he was just 3 months old because I had to go back to work. Official lunch breaks were spent speeding home so that I could feed him.

He walked before he talked and he couldn't sit up until he was 11 months. He hardly got sick and I'm thankful he doesn't have asthma. He was a good eater ever since.

Today he has evolved into such a character. He has a temper and is very determined. What his older brother does he always thinks he can do better. He is slowly developing a larger vocabulary. When I call his name he doesn't just come to me, he first asks "why?" When he sees food on the table which he loves, he says, "wow food!" He doesn't just have one lovey, he has 2 of them and he can't go to sleep with one of them missing. He says "uck" when he forgets to pee in the potty and demands he be "chucked" (changed) right away.
He says "I Wuv Woo!" And I say, "I do too sweetie."

Spin Spin Spin

It's been 2 months since I started getting serious about my weight and although it hasn't been easy, I've come to love it big time. Spinning has a lot of health benefits and the main reason I was drawn to it is the number of calories you burn in just one 45 minutes. As compared to using the treadmill where you usually burn between 200-400 calories in 30 minutes (running) or doing aerobic class where you burn between 500-700 calories in an hour, with spinning, you burn between 1000-1200 calories in 45 minutes.

Some say it'll make your leg muscle huge. Well not really, it will tone your leg muscles. Each teacher has their own focus. Like the class I attend on M W and F's focuses on stamina. All through out the workout, she keeps the pace very fast. I feel my heart pumping very fast. And the class I attend on T and TH's focuses on hard resistance. So a lot of the cycles for this class focuses on strength and agility.

With this routine I have been following for the past 2 months, I noticed that I sleep better at night and can carry a 30 pound toddler for a much longer time -- even up the stairs! I feel much better and have more confidence. Although I have only lost around 6 lbs, I can comfortably fit into a size 6 and can squeeze into some size 4 clothes.

Now dieting is a much different discussion.

Check out these sites and learn more about it!

Dancing On In My Heart

Because this picture posted by Momisodes brought back a lot of memories, I decided to go through that old box on my top most shelf of my shoe shelf which kept what was once very, very precious to me.
It all started one boring summer when I was 9. Tired of art workshops and the lack of a decent swimming pool in our city, my Mom decided to enroll me in ballet class. Everyday for 2 months, I would diligently attend a one hour class at a dance studio. When classes started, I started to feel that dancing ballet was a part of me. So I asked my Mom that I continue dancing.

Danced I did. When I was 11, I had my first ballet recital. But it was only when I turned 12 did I take dancing seriously. My ballet teacher informed me I was ready for pointe class. I was so happy! For the past 3 years, I only watched ballerinas on their toes with their pointe shoes pirouetting and perfecting their forme.

Ballet was all that mattered. I watched what I ate, I made sure I did not get too heavy, I grew my hair long so that I could easily pull it up into a bun. I was disciplined. I learned how to concentrate and focus. I would dance after class, when I got home. I would dream of the dance steps. I had so much respect for the art and I loved my pointe shoes. I would plaster my toes before wearing them, my toes would bleed - the bigger my smile would be. I was working hard at it. The audience didn't really matter, I didn't care about the blaring lights on stage-- all I wanted to do was dance.

Before long, I wore out my first pair. And then I got another.

Until I found another love.

I danced for 5 years. It remains close to my heart and will remain to be.

Never Under Estimate

If you have a toddler at home, do not leave anything you do not want him / her to get a hold of. No matter how much you think to yourself, "Nah, he won't be able to reach for it."

Given that there were 24 pieces of dunkin donuts munchkins in the box when I left it on top of the divider.
There he is not wanting to listen to my lecture.

Going Pure And Natural

I'm no health buff although I try my best to be sometimes, I have the tendency to forget. And with me turning a year older in a few days (gagging here), I've been thinking to myself that I ought to be more health conscious. Given that, lately as well, I have been witnessing death, hospitalizations and discoveries of illnesses of people close to those close to my heart. I found myself praying one day, saying that I pray I get to see my children grow well into their age when they will be old and independent enough for me to say that my stay here on earth has been well spent. And in the natural chronological order of things, a child buries a parent. And that's exactly how I would want things to be. Not the other way around.

I remember my Mom mentioning that she used the juicer when she found out she had cancer. And I knew that the juicer had been sitting on our shelf - collecting dust. And then one time, I bought a glass of all natural juice in a mall and saw part of its advertisement stating "5 vegetables and fruits a day can help battle cancer." And I knew that juicer on our shelf was waiting for me to pay attention to it.

So, I finally opened the dusty box and took out the juicer.Yes I was scared. There was no manual to be found. And all the parts were apart. So slowly, I tried to learn how to put it together--I finally did after about half an hour.

I cut up the fruits. You can actually use any combination. There is no particular recipe to be followed. From the normal apples and oranges you can experiment with other fruits. For this one, I used papaya, banana and pineapple. You can add carrots or broccoli. Whatever tickles or craving.

You can add water if you feel it is too concentrated. I added ice cubes.


I've tried mixing pineapple, apple and orange. Bananas don't produce much juice but just a few give a very strong flavor. A lot of juice can be extracted from apples, pineapples and oranges. Papayas have a very subtle flavor.

I'd want to try carrots, broccoli and tomatoes maybe. I read an article that uses celery and ginger as well. Anything can be juiced. And there are a LOT of health benefits! Forget about all the unnatural juice we give our kids! Natural juice contains natural sugar-- nothing artificial in it.

Rainy Days and Mondays....

When you have a lovely / relaxed / wonderful / fun filled / nice weekend, you never want Monday to arrive.


Hi Ho Hi Ho, It's Off To Work I Go.

Not too excited about it.

Ahem, not excited at all.

Dad

Because you taught me to live by my principles -- by what is right and should be.

Because you taught me never to settle for second best. To do my best in everything I did.

Because you made helped me realize my potentials -- who I could be.

Because through you eyes I saw the importance of being passionate in doing the things you love to do.

Because you taught me the importance of integrity.

Because you made me see why an act of kindness should never expect anything in return.

Because you taught me to be.

Because you allowed me to cry when I needed to cry, to laugh when I needed to.

Because you protected me like no one ever did.

Because you are my Dad.

I think about you everyday. I look for your presence, especially when I feel lost. I always think of what you would have said to all of life's questions.

I Love You Dad.

I question why you had to leave. I wish you were still here to see the boys - you'd be crazy about them.

Because you made me who I am today.

Because you made me come this far.

Because you LOVE me.

I wish you were here.

I Love You Dad. I Love You.


I Love You.