Thursday, July 22, 2010


What does one do when you reach your saturation level? I think a bulk of the problem we face now a days is we force ourselves to believe that we are capable of doing everything by ourselves. What ever happened to the saying that "no man is an island?" Why do we pretend to be superwoman and then later on fall flat on our faces, exhausted. Frustrated. Angry. 
My answer to that would be there is so much pressure around us. Perceived? Real? Maybe. Whichever. It is there.  It dictates upon us how we act, how we react, how we deal with things, how we accept or reject things. 
Often times, deep inside we are screaming for help. Without wanting to say anything - for whatever reason be it pride or fear, whatever - we decide to silently scream hoping that somebody would hear us. Ironic. We want to be heard but we refuse to be heard.
And we want to give our all, still. Maybe because we need to please. Or want. 
Bottom line is we must realize when enough is enough for us. When should we say no more. After all, whose life is it to be lived anyway? Assess our reasons and motives. Do not be selfish but do not be selfless. Live enough. Do enough. Too much of anything can never be good, after all. Moderation may be an appropriate word. Do because you want to but do the right thing. Bad will never be replaced with anything good.
In the end, it's a matter of finding oneself. Of realizing when you've done what you had to do and you should not do any more than what you cannot do. 

Monday, July 19, 2010


Where does one begin to pick up after being away for months? I may say that I have been trying to find myself and even after months of searching, it is safe to say that I haven't found myself yet. And I do wonder if I ever will.
Sometimes I yearn for silence, to just get away from the noisy world. But silence can sometimes be deafening. I wonder if involving myself in the chaos would bring some order and sense into my confusion. I wonder why I have to feel lost in the first place. There is a saying that sometimes we need to be lost in order to be found. Will I find myself? Or will somebody find me for me?
I'm yearning for peace within. For a sense of security.
It's difficult when you have more than just yourself to fend for. There are three other souls who are completely dependent on me. And even if I just want to scream my head off, bury my head in the sand, drink a potion that would make me invisible or just walk away, I can't.
So I sit here and write. My voice may never be heard. These words may never come across. But at least I am releasing a bit of the pressure before it bursts out of control.