Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Proud Momma THat I Am

Every mother dreams big for her kids. When they are still babies, you imagine so much for them - from graduating as engineers or successfully practicing med or building their business empires. You can't help but want them to do good in life. To make them find their niche in this world and do good in the craft the have decided to focus on.

As they grow up, grow past diapers and bottles, you slowly learn to recognize who they are. Their temperaments, their likes & dislikes, their dispositions allow us to dream even bigger than ever. As they enter school, so many external factors further contribute to their character. You begin to realize that there are so many things you wish you could control but cannot. Slowly, they minds and their hearts are shaped not only by what they learn at home but more so by what they absorb during their 6 hour stay in school with the interaction of 20 other 8 year olds and their teacher. It is a mix of beliefs, stories and experiences. Some of which I would warmly allow my son to embrace, some I would rather make him close his ears to. 

As his first year in grade school came to a close, I was more than proud when Josh was awarded the "Most Cooperative" character award. More than just the academics, the Christian school where he is enrolled at, awards such character awards to students who they truly believe posses such character through out the whole school year. Each teacher is allowed to nominate students for these character awards which also include such awards as "Most Friendly," "Most Submissive," "Most Helpful," etc. and once the name of the student is included in the list, the list is passed around and every teacher and every staff of the whole school shall take part in the elimination and voting of who should be given the award. 

Holding back my tears, I told myself-- no matter how messed up I have been, how young I was when I had him, how confused and broken I have been, at least I know his Dad and I are still doing something right.

I Love You Josh.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

On Them Being Away

Glad to know I didn't lose any friends by not blogging for ages. Gosh, 4 months does seem like ages.

So it's only been a week since my 8 year old and almost 4 year old flew off for a 5 week vacation. When I was told that they were going with my Aunt to visit my cousin in Portland, I was initially very, very excited. Why wouldn't I be? It's an experience I cannot afford to offer them at this point and traveling is always a very, very rich learning experience regardless of the destination. As the days crept by to the day of their departure, I suddenly felt very uneasy and queasy about the thought of them being gone for so long. I was definitely not questioning the ability of my aunt or my cousins baby sitting skills because I knew that my kids would be very well taken cared of. It was just the letting them go part that wanted to make me puke!

I seriously thought I would enjoy the time to relax a bit and not have to chase after 3 monkeys. But no, I want to chase three monkeys after all.

So anyway, the week has dragged by. I can't wait for April 26. In the meantime, I get to baby my 12 month old baby and pour all my attention on him. I busy myself at work as well so as not to keep imagining a 1001 scenarios of my kids getting into trouble who happen to be thousands of miles away from me.

Sunday, March 21, 2010


I am in disbelief!

It has been more than 4 months since my last post. Where have I been? What have I been doing? I guess I went to look for myself. As a lot of other bloggers have said, we do at one point in our blogging life lose the zest to type away. I thought it would be for good. I wasn't sure whether to delete my blog completely or to make it private or to just leave it alone forever, for good. Tonight, I just suddenly had the urge to open it and write.

I'm glad I did. No regrets. I hope I didn't lose any friends in my quest for finding myself. Hopefully, I will gain more.

I am feeling very, very blue right now. I brought my 2 kids - Josh and Dash to the airport early this morning as they flew off for a 5 week vacation to Portland. My aunt took them with her. More on that in a bit.