Thursday, July 31, 2008

Part I ...But Part II May Take A While To Be Published

It was a regular working day for me until around 10AM this morning when again, I started to see an aura on the right side of my right eye. Again, I knew I was doomed. So I popped a tablet of advil and a tablet of exedrin. I knew the onset of the migraine was beginning. After half an hour, I popped another tablet of exedrin but the pain was just getting worse.

Determined to put a stop to all this, I decided to make an appointment with my neuro who treated me for my migraines when it began almost 9 years ago.

So I went. She initially didn't remember me, so she went about asking questions like -- could you describe the pain from 1-10, what meds have you been taking, when does the migraine usually attack. The Q&A probably lasted for 15 minutes. And then she said she doesn't seem to see any reason for my migraine attacks except for stress and tension. So she jotted down a prescription after making sure I was off the pill and was not pregnant. I asked what it was. The first was imigran, which I really take for my migraine. And the other was Sumitripan a very mild anti-depressant. I was taken aback when I learned it was an anti-depressant. She asked me if there were a lot of things on my mind or if there were things I am unable to release or unload. I totally just wanted to cry my heart out right then and there.

Monday, July 28, 2008

He Is A 100x More

Apparently, my 6 year old IS a worrier.

By mid afternoon of yesterday, the wind and rain was getting much stronger. While watching TV, we heard a strange sound. Like a small empty drum rolling down the street and then hitting a wall. So we ran to the play room and peeped out the window. Well to our surprise, we saw a very tall bamboo tree that cracked and was hanging on the electric wires. There were small sparks and occasional threats of it becoming a full blown fire. Well, it was scary. I tried calling the electrical company but to our dismay all 7 contact numbers were busy. So I called out local police station but all I got was a very irritating "OK" as an answer. So all 5 of us kept ourselves glued to the window watching out for more sparks.

Finally, after about a whole 15 more minutes of redialing, I finally got through one of the numbers of the electric company. I reported what was going on and the man said he would try his best to inform the team who fixes such since he was only the guard on duty. Frustrated is what I felt at that time.

But all through out, my 6 year old didn't leave the window. He just kept asking what was happening and everytime he would see the bamboo spark, he would jump in fear. I kept telling him to relax.

I decided to go back to the room and go back to reading a book but my 6 year old stayed on. He decided to wait it out and watch what was happening. And then as if a bigger drum were being rolled down the street and it finally banging on a wall, the lights finally went out after a huge explosion like light. My 2 year old completely lost interest half an hour ago, I was in the room reading, the husband was in the room as well. But my 6 year old was still by the window.

By dinner time, we had to call my 6 year old to the table. He started to ask if anything could be done and if so, if it could be done NOW. I told him the people in charge were probably on their way. And then he suggests, "Why don't we just have all the trees cut instead? So that there will be no more trees that can fall on electric wires?" I said that wasn't possible. Sensing his anxiety, I hugged him and told him to just pray. At around 8 in the evening, while still by the window, he happily announced that there were some guys fixing the problem already. So again, we all went to check it out. Seeing that they were taking care of the problem, we all went our different ways. But not my 6 year old, he stayed on and made sure the job was done. All throughout, he kept updating us about the rains, the wind, the sparks and what the men outside were doing.

After about 30 minutes, the lights finally went back on. Then my 6 year old asked if it was really necessary that the men leave. "Why not make them stay and make sure nothing like that will happen again?" I tried to assure him that everything was going to be OK. He goes on to say " This is the worst day ever."

At 6 this morning, I saw my 6 year old in their playroom, by the window, looking out, checking out the bamboo trees. With the winds still gusty and the rains still pouring, I asked him if he was still worried. Poor guy. Well, he said he still was and said "This is another horrible day."

It runs in the family. I got it from my Mom. He got it from me.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

There Is Such A Thing As Too Much

There are certain things I will never understand in this lifetime, one of which is the need for one to overwork her/himself regardless of whether they are single/married/married with kids/single with kids. Is it an addiction? Is it a need? Does it make them feel complete?

I have seen how much it can hamper so much aspects of a person's life and the sad part is, they are always so damn proud of "the way they work." Most people leave the office 20-30 minutes after official work hours. Workaholics can go as late at 10 or 11 in the evening and come in to work at least an hour before the day officially begins. You try to invite them for dinner or coffee after work but instead they prefer to stay on in the office. Sometimes, during breaks, you will hear them complaining about how much more work they still have to finish. It never ends.

Weekends for them are spent again, in the office. Saturdays or Sundays are just like any normal working day for them.

But the sad fact will stand. When a loved one dies, your life will never ever be the same again. and it may even take you months or years to recover and move on. But when you die, the company you work for may take a minute or 2 to remember you and give honor to you. But the next day, life will go on.

I wish people would start realizing what their real priorities are in life. What should truly matter.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

On Having Boys

"Up up up!" Says the little one
"Look Ma!" says the other.

I say, "Go ahead. Climb higher. But don't cry if you fall." I shake my head and sometimes still can't believe all this. I wonder what else is in store for me 10 years from now.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

I Just Can't Kick It

I think it's creeping back -- my addiction....

TO BLOGGING. It's 6:22 AM, it's a schoolday, it's the hubby's birthday (he's still blissfully snoring in dreamland), I'm trying to get my 2 year old to eat his breakfast (but all I get are a zillion ME's and a trillion NO's) and voila! here I am in front of my laptop stealing as much time as I can to read all your blogs.

Well...all you have a nice day ahead and I will see you tonight when I get back from work.

Very addicting.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Reality Bites-- OUCH!

Such realizations have been lingering in my mind over the past couple of months but I guess, just like any other person, the first step when it comes to accepting the truth is -- denial. Which is what I have been wallowing in for the past months as well.

I always thought I was the "housewifey" type of person which for a time I was dreaming of becoming. I loved the idea of being able to focus on the kids 100% of the time, being able to prepare a menu for the week, being able to do the grocery on a weekday, be able to have craft time with the kids on a regular basis. But no. I am just not that person.

First of all, I suck at cooking. I love cooking as in I really do -- but apparently those who eat my cooking would beg to disagree. I know. I love looking for new recipes and buying the ingredients for it but the outcome just doesn't add up to the expectations of those who have to eat it. And unlike others who can whip up a meal out of scratch and instinct when it comes to the ingredients they put in it, I on the other hand, always need a cookbook. There I said it. I am not the type of after whipping up a whole meal, I leave my family or guests clamoring to find out how I cooked such a delicious meal or family members requesting me to cook it again the soonest I can because they just can't get enough of it. I'm glad I have a househelp whom I can totally rely on when it comes to the cooking. I leave the kitchen to her. I can chop and slice and peel if she wants me to but I leave the cooking itself to her.

And I am so not good when it comes to crafts or the art of doing it. Again, crafting ideas don't just pop out of mind as if a light bulb just went on. If and when I do get the chance to do crafts, it is ALWAYS taken out of a crafts book or magazine. I think a big part of this is because I am such a disorganized person. I would love to have all my things in order -- if somebody did it for me. I know, I suck. But for me to actually get up and start labeling containers and putting some order to my things-- you could wait till forever. Although I am working on it. I started with my closet and my shoes. The toy room of the kids still gives me palpitations just looking at the volume of toys that need organizing.

Those are just 2 of the many many realizations I have to face with and have gotten the courage to talk about and admit and finally say that nope, I am sorry but in that aspect, I totally suck but I will try to be better at it but do not expect drastic changes.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Still Puzzled

3 days ago, I saw this under our car--- didn't want to touch it more so have anything to do with it but it obviously had something to do with us. Freaked out, I went inside the house to get my camera and I called my 6 year old to take a look at it.
All I got was a : Hahahahahaha KEWL! answer from him like it was one of the greatest things in the world.
So then I called the husband and left him to do the rest.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Delish. Try It.

The ingredients may sound a tad too rich but once in a while, treat yourself!

Yummy Ceasar Salad

You will need:

(for 2-3 people)

  • 2-3 garlic cloves
  • 3 egg yolks
  • 1 tsp prepared mustard
  • 1/2 cup corn oil
  • 1 slice anchovy
  • 2 calamansi (lemon)
  • 1 tsp vinegar
  • regular pepper
  • crushed peppercorns
  • 3 TBS or more Parmesan cheese
  • 3 large tsp bacon bits
  • 2 small salad bowls of lettuce
  • croutons
  1. Crush garlic.
  2. Add unbroken egg yolks - one at a time.
  3. mustard
  4. Blend oil slowly (should be done in only 1 direction all through out).
  5. crush anchovy
  6. mix other ingredients.
* Best if you use a wooden salad bowl when making the dressing.
* For the croutons, I just toss in 3 or 4 slices of whole wheat bread in the toaster and toast them for 2 minutes 2 times. Wait for it to harden and then cut into small squares.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Every Once In A While We Are Hit, Never To Be The Same Again

I remember around 2 years ago -- shortly after I gave birth to my second boy, I went through something. I don't quite think it was a major bout of depression or full blown post-partum blues, it was more like a little feeling of inadequacy, a pinch of restlessness here and a handful of insanity on the other side. I felt like my life was out of control, always in a rush and I always felt tired --physically and emotionally. I wasn't quite sure about how to handle all the new changes and adjustments. And as everybody had told me before, today I look back at all that and smile. Probably until the next baby-- in like a year or 2. I'm saving that story for another post.

And again, as I look back on 2 years ago, I realize that I was surrounded by a lot of single people. Even if I trusted them and even if they were there to hear me out, how was I supposed to expect them to understand and empathize with me? I mean yes they listened to me but what could they say? Which is why I probably felt a little worse because I felt that I was the only one going through such things.

Talk about 2 years after 2 years ago. Surrounded my workmates who have families. And blessed with 2 more very close friends who are due sometime 3rd quarter of this year and new blogging mommy friends, I feel I'm no longer alone in the boat. Suddenly, there's a whole ark full of people who totally are speaking my same language of milk and diapers and pre-school and work and domestic squabbles and heartaches and heartbreaks once in a while. And it really feels so good to know that it's OK to sometimes think you're going insane because you feel you can't wake up in the middle of the night to give milk to your screaming toddler and wake up at 6 in the morning so that you can work out in the gym right before rushing off to work while thinking of your pre-schooler in school and before you know it you're home in your apron cutting up the chicken and preparing the vegetables for dinner. And it's OK for to whine about the husband because you know they will do exactly the same.

I know I have been a mother for 6 1/2 years already--to 2 boys, but I honestly think that now, I am slowly beginning to fully embrace the beauty and responsibility of motherhood. Not that I have never realized my being a mother in the past but just to be true to myself and to everyone else, I now know why I was given children and why I love having children and why I am so thankful for being blessed to be a mother. And slowly, I will continue this journey in the hope of realizing many more things.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Little Breaks Can Go A Long Way

At the beach.
Long weekend.
No school tomorrow.
No work tomorrow.
No rushing.
TV all I want.
WiFi all we want.
Kids are totally happy - sleeping late, eating chips and swimming till their skin are all wrinkled.
No need to clean.
No worrying about dinner.

Life can be sweet.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Sometimes, That Is All We Need.

Well my birthday leave was great. The day went by pretty fast but I didn't feel as if things were rushed. I got to do a lot of "me" time. Thank you all for all your greetings and warm thoughts sent my way during my big day. I love you all! And I know you know who you "all" are.

So the next day, I went back to work. Still feeling the "birthday" spirit in my blood, I was taking things lightly and was being so thankful about almost everything. So while leaving the bank to grab a quick bite for lunch,I saw an elderly couple - in their early 70's maybe, who probably had been standing in front of the ATM machine since like forever. They both looked confused. I smiled at them and then the old lady approached me asked me how to use the machine. It's nothing really new, after all ATM machines were non-existent 20 years ago. So I walked them through the whole process until they got their money. When the transaction was done, the woman and the man smiled at each other, thanked me and then walked away holding hands.

They looked lovely.Heart totally melted.

Really amazing. How many people have I met in my lifetime who, in their golden years, stayed married --happily married and still with the twinkle in their eyes. I couldn't stop smiling.

5 years down the road of marriage, a zillion bumps in the road, a thousand crossroads that we had to face and one incident that made me suddenly believe in forever.

I am thankful.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Yipee! Yahoo!

Around 2 weeks ago, while at the gym, there were these women -- 4 or 5 of them --- chit chatting. So while getting ready to work out, I well, started listening to their conversation.

It went a little something like this:

Woman1: Hey! So what time do your kids get off from school?

Woman2: 2:30. Hey aren't we...

Woman1: Great! Mine gets off at 3. Where's Woman 5?

Woman3: Woman 5 says she's on her way.

Woman2: Aren't we going to the salon after?

Woman4: I thought it's breakfast first?

Woman1: Where are we eating? I'm having my hair cut.

Woman3: There's a sale over at the dep't store. Let's go!

Woman1: So after gym, we eat and then...

Woman2: And then go get our hair done and then shop....

Woman4: So what are we having for breakfast?

For a minute there I thought they would notice my skin turning green with envy. Not because they were going to the salon or they were going shopping BUT because they had the luxury of time to do so ON A WEEKDAY. And even if it were a weekend, its as if you have so so so many other things to do rather than shop or get your nails done -- there folding the laundry, doing the grocery, cleaning up your closet. I mean, how great could that be? Not having to think about getting in the shower right after workout so that you won't be late for work, worrying about the amount of emails you have to read before actually getting to work, the reports you need to consolidate by lunch. Oh yeah, what to cook for dinner after a long day's work. And of course, how could you forget the children?! It can get crazy.

But today, I am on leave-- birthday leave! And I will enjoy every minute of today not thinking about work, the laundry, toys scattered on the floor. I refuse to rush things today. I have a great day ahead for me -- except for doing the grocery (which I love doing anyway), I have a whole day planned ahead of me. I'm going to laze around the house with the little one and then do the grocery after which I am meeting up with my former boss (who I heart so much) and we will be having lunch. I think I'm going to do a little window shopping in the afternoon before picking up hubby from work. Splendid.

I wish I had more days like these.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

July Five...Years Ago

Today, I turn 26. There, I finally said it. For the first time I did not NOT mention my age!

I am thankful for the year that was and I am looking forward to the year that will be. When I was born, I had no idea what was in sore for me -- how was I supposed to know about the happy times? Or the sad and painful? I never knew how complicated life could be yet how easy it could be to find joy in the simplest of things.

Slowly I am beginning to understand why there is no such thing as a manual for LIFE. Or a Life for Dummies book. Or a written code about how we are to see things in life. Each of us will always have a different way of looking at things, of dealing with things, of enjoying what we do not have and being thankful for what we have. Life. We will never be able to escape what it has to offer us - no matter how much we try.

It's 11AM and the house is still. No little feet running through the house. There are 2 little boys napping in the living room. And here I am reflecting -- pondering / wondering, has my 26 years of existence been a waste? NOT.

For the mistakes I have committed, I am sorry. For the people I have made happy, I am thankful. For those I love, I will always love.

Tomorrow I look forward to a new beginning. Scared as I am, I will face what it has to bring with a brave heart filled with hope. I close my eyes and quietly whisper a prayer.

Remember, there is always sugar to make our life sweeter.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008


The husband has been under the weather for the past 5 days. Fever, pain in the abdomen, pain somewhere in his right shoulder, loose bowel and gas, fever and chills. We feel it is being caused by gall bladder stones although he hasn't gone to see a doctor (!). Ahem. Anyway, someone who had gall stones recommended we try an alternative medicine treatment using Espom Salt.

Has anyone heard about this? Tried it?

Tuesday, July 1, 2008


Now if this won't boost you immune system, I don't know what can!

(oranges, apples, cantaloupe and carrots)

They love it and I love making it, really. Most of the time, even before I can sit down and drink a glass of it, it's all gone. So I end up making another pitcher.

He loves the taste.

He loves slurping it up.

And, it's something they enjoy doing together. One of those rare times that the are not fighting / arguing / debating.