Such realizations have been lingering in my mind over the past couple of months but I guess, just like any other person, the first step when it comes to accepting the truth is -- denial. Which is what I have been wallowing in for the past months as well.
I always thought I was the "housewifey" type of person which for a time I was dreaming of becoming. I loved the idea of being able to focus on the kids 100% of the time, being able to prepare a menu for the week, being able to do the grocery on a weekday, be able to have craft time with the kids on a regular basis. But no. I am just not that person.
First of all, I suck at cooking. I love cooking as in I really do -- but apparently those who eat my cooking would beg to disagree. I know. I love looking for new recipes and buying the ingredients for it but the outcome just doesn't add up to the expectations of those who have to eat it. And unlike others who can whip up a meal out of scratch and instinct when it comes to the ingredients they put in it, I on the other hand, always need a cookbook. There I said it. I am not the type of after whipping up a whole meal, I leave my family or guests clamoring to find out how I cooked such a delicious meal or family members requesting me to cook it again the soonest I can because they just can't get enough of it. I'm glad I have a househelp whom I can totally rely on when it comes to the cooking. I leave the kitchen to her. I can chop and slice and peel if she wants me to but I leave the cooking itself to her.
And I am so not good when it comes to crafts or the art of doing it. Again, crafting ideas don't just pop out of mind as if a light bulb just went on. If and when I do get the chance to do crafts, it is ALWAYS taken out of a crafts book or magazine. I think a big part of this is because I am such a disorganized person. I would love to have all my things in order -- if somebody did it for me. I know, I suck. But for me to actually get up and start labeling containers and putting some order to my things-- you could wait till forever. Although I am working on it. I started with my closet and my shoes. The toy room of the kids still gives me palpitations just looking at the volume of toys that need organizing.
Those are just 2 of the many many realizations I have to face with and have gotten the courage to talk about and admit and finally say that nope, I am sorry but in that aspect, I totally suck but I will try to be better at it but do not expect drastic changes.