I remember around 2 years ago -- shortly after I gave birth to my second boy, I went through something. I don't quite think it was a major bout of depression or full blown post-partum blues, it was more like a little feeling of inadequacy, a pinch of restlessness here and a handful of insanity on the other side. I felt like my life was out of control, always in a rush and I always felt tired --physically and emotionally. I wasn't quite sure about how to handle all the new changes and adjustments. And as everybody had told me before, today I look back at all that and smile. Probably until the next baby-- in like a year or 2. I'm saving that story for another post.
And again, as I look back on 2 years ago, I realize that I was surrounded by a lot of single people. Even if I trusted them and even if they were there to hear me out, how was I supposed to expect them to understand and empathize with me? I mean yes they listened to me but what could they say? Which is why I probably felt a little worse because I felt that I was the only one going through such things.
Talk about 2 years after 2 years ago. Surrounded my workmates who have families. And blessed with 2 more very close friends who are due sometime 3rd quarter of this year and new blogging mommy friends, I feel I'm no longer alone in the boat. Suddenly, there's a whole ark full of people who totally are speaking my same language of milk and diapers and pre-school and work and domestic squabbles and heartaches and heartbreaks once in a while. And it really feels so good to know that it's OK to sometimes think you're going insane because you feel you can't wake up in the middle of the night to give milk to your screaming toddler and wake up at 6 in the morning so that you can work out in the gym right before rushing off to work while thinking of your pre-schooler in school and before you know it you're home in your apron cutting up the chicken and preparing the vegetables for dinner. And it's OK for to whine about the husband because you know they will do exactly the same.
I know I have been a mother for 6 1/2 years already--to 2 boys, but I honestly think that now, I am slowly beginning to fully embrace the beauty and responsibility of motherhood. Not that I have never realized my being a mother in the past but just to be true to myself and to everyone else, I now know why I was given children and why I love having children and why I am so thankful for being blessed to be a mother. And slowly, I will continue this journey in the hope of realizing many more things.