Monday, July 19, 2010


Where does one begin to pick up after being away for months? I may say that I have been trying to find myself and even after months of searching, it is safe to say that I haven't found myself yet. And I do wonder if I ever will.
Sometimes I yearn for silence, to just get away from the noisy world. But silence can sometimes be deafening. I wonder if involving myself in the chaos would bring some order and sense into my confusion. I wonder why I have to feel lost in the first place. There is a saying that sometimes we need to be lost in order to be found. Will I find myself? Or will somebody find me for me?
I'm yearning for peace within. For a sense of security.
It's difficult when you have more than just yourself to fend for. There are three other souls who are completely dependent on me. And even if I just want to scream my head off, bury my head in the sand, drink a potion that would make me invisible or just walk away, I can't.
So I sit here and write. My voice may never be heard. These words may never come across. But at least I am releasing a bit of the pressure before it bursts out of control.

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