Saturday, April 30, 2011

Looking Inside

Of the few things I am sure about, the fact that I am always unsure of myself is what I am sure of.

I wonder where this all began? I wonder if this can be reversed? 

Alone, thoughts of fear and uncertainty taunt me. In a crowded room, an insecure stance is what I carry. It's something I hate. It's a feeling I dislike very much. So on nights like this one, lights off, kids sleeping, I sit and wonder how I can become better. How can I learn to believe in my decisions, be confident with my actions.

Because of that, I feel like I am trying too hard most of the time - to please others but maybe more of to please myself. I am always overly concerned with what people around me think about me, what they think about the things I do or how I handle myself.

I need to believe in me. Although far from perfect, I know there are still things in me that make me a good person, a loving mother, a respectful wife. It's a difficult, awful feeling. 

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