For the past 2 weeks, I've been visited by my Mom in my dreams. They were painful dreams as the reality of her cancer was all part of the dream. I woudn't say it was sweet dreams- far from it and the tears in my dream were painful ones. But upon waking up, there would be a feeling of relief- ironically the relief was that of the dream ending. Most of us wouldn't have wanted a dream where loved ones we yearn for are a part of but probably because of the pain felt in my dreams. I would find myself feeling better upon waking up. In a way I guess I was there as a reminder to me tp be thankful for the whats of now than forever wishing for the what ifs of yesterday.
Despite that being the logical way of putting things in perspective, as in most cases emotions dictate otherwise. There has been that feeling of emptiness since those dreams came to me. A few days ago, I was standing in line at McDonalds to buy breakfast to eat at the office. Standing in line next to me was a grandmother with her grandchild who was probably around 3 or 4 years old. The little boys hand was tightly holding on to his grandma's shirt while his other arm was wrapped around his grandma's leg. The grandma had a very warm smile on her face while asking the little boy what he wanted to eat. At that moment I sensed a very strong bond betwwen the grandma and her grandchild. There was so much love. And then tears started to well up in my eyes. The surge of emotions brought me to wanting to feel that kind of love I shared with my Mom.