Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Defining Moments

When things are all too familiar, I think it is possible to forget who we are or maybe who we can be or what we can do other than what we already are doing or who we already are. Sometimes, in unfamiliar territory, we discover things about ourselves which we never thought or imagined to be possible in us. It is as I have said so so many times, a scary experience. But then you realize how beautiful life can be in the midst of loneliness and uncertainty.

As you sit alone, everything just zeroes in on your day. As you slowly recount the events of the day. The blaring noise coming from honking horns of the cars, the loud chitter chatter of people passing you by - sound disappears. You remember how differently you would have done things if you were in your comfort zone. And then you laugh a bit.

As you lay down at night, you will be amazed at how much you have achieved. No, I am not talking about the work you accomplished - I mean, the mere fact that you survived the day is, in itself reason enough for one to celebrate.

I have made it. Tomorrow I go home with a suitcase full of wonderful experiences. Not wonderful as in happy and funny and exciting. Wonderful as in happy, sad, painful, scary and lonely. I wish my Mom and Dad were alive. They would have been damn proud. And it would have made my homecoming sweeter. But it is because of them that I survived. That I made it.

Before this all started, I told myself that this had a purpose. It may not be evident yet. I may not realize its purpose just yet. But in the days to come, slowly, its purpose will be revealed. It may even take years. But so what.

I love my children so much more. I appreciate my husband even more. I love my family so much more. I am thankful for what I have and what I do not have.

I have been defined. And experiences like these shall continue to define who I am, who I can be.

What has been your defining moment?


SusieJ said...

Louann, so glad to hear from you. I miss you. And yes, when it's all too familiar, we tend to get lost. Pain refines everything.

PinksandBluesGirls said...

You are just so strong and inspiring. I can't help but be incredibly impressed. I know your parents are so proud of you.

Jane, Pinks & Blues

Anonymous said...

I think my defining moment was the first time I heard the words autism in relation to my son. I didn't really realize it until years later, but that was probably the single most significant defining moment of my life. It changed the way that I look at the world, the things that are important to me, and essentially, who I am.

I agree with susiej's comment. It is the difficult moments in life that shape who we are and who we are meant to become.