There's this really funny feeling I only started to feel when I became a mother. And I do not know what words to use to describe it. But let me talk about it.
When you have children, priorities suddenly change. If in your past no child yet years, you could splurge your money on whatever your heart desires, when you have a child although you do want that something, you know you aren't supposed to spend all your money on that. When you have children, there are many things you can;t do anymore. Things like making a trip to the salon anytime you want to. Having a kid demands proper time management especially if you are a working mom. When you have a child, your circle of friends start to become smaller - especially if you're like me where I decided to have kids when all my other friends were still enjoying their reckless college years.
In short, having children demands a lot of change. Having children can be very tiring and toxic. It can drain the hell out of us. It can bring us to tears -- tears of joy and tears of frustration. It can make us want to just bury our heads in the sand-- forever. It can make us think and re-think about whether we made the right decision. It can drive us crazy.
And so, so many people tell us to 1. take a break 2. take it easy 3. spend some time alone. And I believe we believe them when they tell us that. But we don't want to.
Like let's say, we're carrying baby the whole day and our back is aching like hell. And then someone kindly offers to carry baby so that we can sit down for a while, probably eat a snack or read the papers or watch T.V. But do we? No, as soon as they get baby from us, we either wash the dishes, fold the clothes, wipe the counters -- do something to keep us busy. On a larger scale, when someone says, go on a vacation and leave your kids with me and do not for one second worry about them, do we? Well we may go on that a vacation, but we will probably spend every second on the phone checking on the kids.
Is it the inability to relax that we should call it? Is it the worry bone in our body that gives us that discomfort?
It's probably love.