Monday, March 10, 2008

Is This My Final Answer?

While leaving for work this morning, I noticed how "fit" my 22 month old's sweater looked on him. A month or 2 ago it still seemed quite loose on him. I told the househelp / babysitter to start bringing out the next size of clothes again. And then I told her to bring out all the baby clothes so that I can pack and give them away to those who need them. In the car, I told the husband about it and added that I would just keep the "memorable" ones, like the rumper Josh used the first time we brought him to church or Dash's clothes when we brought him home from the hospital.
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Later during the day, I thought to myself, how come it was so easy for me to say that I would give away the baby clothes of the kids already? My heart didn't feel heavy and I had no doubts as well. Does this mean I'm done having kids?
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During the weekend while driving home with the husband, I casually asked him, "Do you still want to have kids?" and to my surprise he said "I think it would be nice to have one more but raising a kid is definitely no joke- it is hard." This was the very first time we actually talked about "family planning." I told him that I would really want to have another kid but I'd want to get pregnant again the latest would be when I reach 28, by then the little one would be 4.
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And as I sit here and talk / write about it, I can still say I am still determined to sort, pack and give the baby clothes away. More than 50% says I am done with having kids - for so many reasons. A year or 2 ago, I wanted to have 4 kids- it was part of my ideals. But I guess a harsh hit of reality tells me to be a bit more rational this time.
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But IF maybe if in a few years we be blessed with another baby, then I will be more than thankful. But in the meantime, I will focus on my 2 blessings and try to be a bit better at this thing called parenting.

3 comments:

Amy said...

You have so much time to make a decision. I had my first when I was thirty. Now I have two kids and will be 35 this year. I'm glad that I spent my twenties without kids, but wish I would of started sooner in having them so I could have more.

PinksandBluesGirls said...

You have plenty of time! I'm 27 and I haven't even had ONE child (besides my doggies, of course)! I'm still deciding whether or not I even want to get pregnant... I do want to have kids, but I'm thinking adoption may be the best route for me and my husband. One thing's for sure... you make beautiful babies!

Jane, Pinks & Blues

mlu said...

I agree with Amy.I wanted to have 2 not only 1 but 2 kids.My son carl is already 7,up to now we never yet plan having another one.I almost enjoyed every single moment with our One and only.I wish to have a Little me and another Little Carl.....=)