Monday, March 10, 2008

Is This My Final Answer?

While leaving for work this morning, I noticed how "fit" my 22 month old's sweater looked on him. A month or 2 ago it still seemed quite loose on him. I told the househelp / babysitter to start bringing out the next size of clothes again. And then I told her to bring out all the baby clothes so that I can pack and give them away to those who need them. In the car, I told the husband about it and added that I would just keep the "memorable" ones, like the rumper Josh used the first time we brought him to church or Dash's clothes when we brought him home from the hospital.
Later during the day, I thought to myself, how come it was so easy for me to say that I would give away the baby clothes of the kids already? My heart didn't feel heavy and I had no doubts as well. Does this mean I'm done having kids?
During the weekend while driving home with the husband, I casually asked him, "Do you still want to have kids?" and to my surprise he said "I think it would be nice to have one more but raising a kid is definitely no joke- it is hard." This was the very first time we actually talked about "family planning." I told him that I would really want to have another kid but I'd want to get pregnant again the latest would be when I reach 28, by then the little one would be 4.
And as I sit here and talk / write about it, I can still say I am still determined to sort, pack and give the baby clothes away. More than 50% says I am done with having kids - for so many reasons. A year or 2 ago, I wanted to have 4 kids- it was part of my ideals. But I guess a harsh hit of reality tells me to be a bit more rational this time.
But IF maybe if in a few years we be blessed with another baby, then I will be more than thankful. But in the meantime, I will focus on my 2 blessings and try to be a bit better at this thing called parenting.


Amy said...

You have so much time to make a decision. I had my first when I was thirty. Now I have two kids and will be 35 this year. I'm glad that I spent my twenties without kids, but wish I would of started sooner in having them so I could have more.

PinksandBluesGirls said...

You have plenty of time! I'm 27 and I haven't even had ONE child (besides my doggies, of course)! I'm still deciding whether or not I even want to get pregnant... I do want to have kids, but I'm thinking adoption may be the best route for me and my husband. One thing's for sure... you make beautiful babies!

Jane, Pinks & Blues

mlu said...

I agree with Amy.I wanted to have 2 not only 1 but 2 kids.My son carl is already 7,up to now we never yet plan having another one.I almost enjoyed every single moment with our One and only.I wish to have a Little me and another Little Carl.....=)