I'm Tying A Yellow Ribbon 'Round My Heart

Everytime I hear or read about people battling cancer, my heart breaks. I find it still to be such a sore spot in my heart. When I heard that our former president Corazon C. Aquino was battling colon cancer, I thought to myself, "Indeed cancer does not pick anyone." When I heard that she was admitted to the hospital over a month ago and was in the ICU, I could not help but remember my Mom and her last month of her life which she spent in the hospital -- 3 weeks in a private room and her last in the ICU.

I was barely 4 years old when Cory Aquino became president of our country. I could hardly understand what the 1986 EDSA revolution was really all about. But what I did know was, our country was finally free from the Marcos regime. I remember my mom keeping in touch with her sister- my aunt who was living in Manila during the 1986 coup attempt. I don't really remember much about her 6 year presidency. But as I grew older, I started to learn more and more about what she and her husband Ninoy Aquino did for our country.

In the recent years, when our country would celebrate EDSA day and Ninoy Aquino Day, I would feel more and mpre for my country.

Last week, when former president Aquino passed away, I was again given an opportunity to reflect on many things.

There were basically two major thoughts that crossed my mind. First, I don't think I will ever feel the same way ever for my country again more so, for a former president of our country. I started to think of what the future held for the Philippines. Ninoy and Cory to me stood for democracy. I don't think graft and corruption were the main criticisms thrown against Cory Aquino but rather her ability to run the country - given that she was a former housewife and although most will not admit, and a woman. But she managed. She did. And she carved her name in Philippine history. Thoughts like, does our country still have hope? What now that an icon of democracy is gone? Second, how painful it is for former president Cory Aquino's family to have to cope with the loss of not just a former president, but with a mother. Losing a loved one is never easy, is never wanted. But yes, it is the inevitable.

Just thinking of that made me relive the memories of 2005 when my mom battled lung cancer. I didn't find myself crying this time. I thought maybe I am finally moving on. But the aching in my heart was so real. I am still trying to come to terms with so many things. Things I have tried to dismiss and push away- to hide and pretend they do not matter. I have guilt. I have anger. I have frustrations. But facing them allows me to come to terms. I'm not yet there but I know I'm almost there.

President Aquino's life made an impact in many people's lives. Her death changed lives.