2 weeks ago, I left the company I worked for for almost 3 1/2 years. Last week, as my family brought me to Manila to start training in my new job, I almost lost it. I thought I would never survive the following days.
I left on the bus at 9pm last night, headed home and arrived at around 3am. I came home and never felt better.
The week that was.
What consoled me was the promises of friends who said they would accompany me and be with me while I was away from home- which did not happen really. I found myself dealing with so many feelings and emotions and having to control them as well as I could.
I was booked in a huge hotel suite. I was alone. And during the first night, I could not sleep. For the first time in a very long time, I experienced fear in it's truest sense. Not the fear of a mother, not the fear of a wife, not the fear of a friend, not the fear of a daughter. It was the fear of a human being.
It was a powerful week. Many new people met. New work culture and environment. Away from the family. Alone. Feelings of excitement. Uncertainty. Hope. Anticipation. Anxiety.
During the last 2 days before coming home, I realized that I actually also enjoyed the being alone. It was just me.
Finishing that first week is only the beginning. I will be doing this for the next 5 weeks. Until then, I will look forward heading home every Friday. It is still a scary thought. But that day will arrive.