Saturday, October 20, 2007

The First Of Many

2 weeks ago, I left the company I worked for for almost 3 1/2 years. Last week, as my family brought me to Manila to start training in my new job, I almost lost it. I thought I would never survive the following days.

I left on the bus at 9pm last night, headed home and arrived at around 3am. I came home and never felt better.

The week that was.

What consoled me was the promises of friends who said they would accompany me and be with me while I was away from home- which did not happen really. I found myself dealing with so many feelings and emotions and having to control them as well as I could.

I was booked in a huge hotel suite. I was alone. And during the first night, I could not sleep. For the first time in a very long time, I experienced fear in it's truest sense. Not the fear of a mother, not the fear of a wife, not the fear of a friend, not the fear of a daughter. It was the fear of a human being.

It was a powerful week. Many new people met. New work culture and environment. Away from the family. Alone. Feelings of excitement. Uncertainty. Hope. Anticipation. Anxiety.

During the last 2 days before coming home, I realized that I actually also enjoyed the being alone. It was just me.

Finishing that first week is only the beginning. I will be doing this for the next 5 weeks. Until then, I will look forward heading home every Friday. It is still a scary thought. But that day will arrive.

Until then.

4 comments:

Midas said...

Congratulations on your new job Louann. I hope you like and enjoy it.

I have my own version of being an ostrich almost anywhere. I make sure to bring lots of books, and when the fear comes, I grab one and lose myself in it.

Very mature huh?

Jennboree said...

A whole new life adventure for you :) Congratulations on the new job. Five weeks will be over before you know it!

Auntie Norma said...

Hi Louann,
Reading your story brought back memories when I was away from my family for 6 weeks. Back than I worked for Northwest Airlines and had to attend a long training class that took me from sunny california to cold and snowy Minnisota. I took experiance alot of fear and missing my boys they where 5 and 7 years old . I to would go home on friday and I had to be back by sunday night. It gets a little easier as the day go by. I will pray for you my friend take care.

SusieJ said...

Wow Louann. What an experience -- and look how much you grew. I wish I could have been with you in that big suite.