Sunday, April 20, 2008

At A Loss

How great are you when it comes to getting along with you in-laws?

I admire families who have great relationships with their in-laws. I think it really is an issue for some. My cousin gets along perfectly with her MIL. They shop together, they go out together, they travel abroad together, she takes care of the grandchildren, they have long talks, my cousin can cry her heart out to her.

And you know what? I find myself envious of her.

I have tried so many times, to reach out to my MIL and my SIL's, especially after my parents both died and having no sibling, I really felt that they would be my second family. For a while I did believe it could actually happen but as time went by, I realized I was pushing it, I was trying too hard.

2 years ago, I suggested to my SIL (hubby's older sister), that we take an out of town trip to Cebu with my other SIL, the hubby and my eldest. We did go and we did have fun. I did and now I wonder if they did. A year after, I suggested yet again that we have another out of town trip to Boracay. Again, we all went. There are times when I tell them if they want to go watch a movie, to call me. Or if they wanted to go shopping, I was just a text away. Never happened. All those times that we actually went out or met up, it was because I contacted them and invited them out. When we do go out, it's as if we all enjoy each other's company. So I don't really get it why they can't be the ones to make the 1st move.

But for the past 3 months, I sort of told myself to stop. And true enough, they never got in touch with me. For Josh's birthday, I am not sure if they even did remember. In a month's time, my second one will be turning 2, I wonder if they will remember.

I have cried about it, prayed about it, talked about it, gotten angry about it, tried to laugh about it too.

It's sad because I love them and I care about them but I don't know if they want me to.


Midas said...

Louann, I'm sorry to hear about this.

Have you wondered that maybe they're just inactive sort of people. Like, are they the type to go and travel a lot, or they only travel when you invite them?

Maybe they didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Maybe they're just 'lazy' that way.

On the other hand, I don't know them, so I can't tell. I get along okay with my MIL. In 17 years, I only got annoyed with her 2 or 3 times. Although, I probably won't ever go shopping with her again. Long story.


Amanda Sue said...


it is hard work for me, too. i wonder why those relationships are so hard to come by naturally?

maybe they ARE lazy. but they are missing out on a great friend and sister because of it.

C said...

Hey, Louann :)
It's true what you said about some people and their in-laws not getting along. Many of the female friends I have do not get along with their in-laws (namely their MILs).

I have been blessed to have a great MIL. We do things together and talk on the phone. She's a great MIL. I've got three SILs (hubby's 2 sisters and my brother's wife). They are all wonderful SILs and the sisters I never had.

Like you, I feel that I make most of the initiative when it comes to relationships though. I'm the one who calls and suggests to do things. I make offers in hopes that they will reciprocate and next time make the phone calls.

It bothered me for a while, but I had to stop and think about what is going on in their lives. Perhaps they had things to deal with, life is busy, etc. Even so, it's no excuse to reach out and make the first move though, right? I've decided to not try so hard. It's hard when that's the type of person I am.

If I lived in the Philippines or you lived in Canada, I am pretty sure we'd be friends and we'd hang out :)


mommyness said...

hi louann. i know that it could be hard. i have a good relationship with my in-laws. it's hubby who has a prob with my family or the other way around. just take it one day at a time. you'll get by, i'm sure.

SusieJ said...

Louann, that is awful, and so sad. Why are they doing this? It sounds like, they don't know why either. I would keep trying, and something will come to you... something will open up.