Thursday, September 27, 2007

Inside Thoughts

Sometimes, I look around me. I take a look at the people around me. The environment I am in. 25, married and with 2 kids - not your 'typical' 25 year old girl here. People around me are choosing to marry later and later, concentrate on their careers, focus on their personal life by going after their dreams of conquering the world. I ask them if they have started to think about settling down, they say maybe in a few years. I ask them how at what age do they plan to start having kids, they say max would be when they are 30. Interesting, I think.

Sometimes, I wonder. What would my life be now if I did not have a child so early? Or if I didn't get married. Or if I didn't have a second child. I would probably be engrossed in my career, saving up as much as I can. Travelling the world and enjoying my earnings. My responsibility would be myself, me. Just me. I probably would have found a certain sense of happiness in doing so. What problems would I face? Certainly not milk bottles or stinky nappies. I get caught up in daydreaming, having to jolt myself back to reality.

Is it bad? I think not. We all have the tendency to think of the what if's, the could have's. But then again, we remember the "but then."

When I get caught up thinking of the things I do not have, the circumstances I am not in or the reality opposite of my reality, I find myself appreciating what I have, what I am in, my present reality. It's not easy, it isn't. Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting to bail out because no one ever told me it would be this tough. It is a life I never thought I would be living. But even so, if someone did warn me, I still think I would have made the same choices.


Shana said...

My cousin and her husband waited until they were 30 to have their first child. Do you know what they both say now? "Why did we wait so long?" :o)

I was 19 when I got married and 22 when I had my oldest. I sometimes wonder "what if" but I wouldn't change my life even if I could.

It is good that you are happy where you are in your life too. Besides we all know a stinky diaper is more fun then a trip abroad, OK at least more!!!

Jennboree said...

It is kind of a "grass is always greener" knack that we humans have. We daydream about what could've been or should've been. But we have no idea if the grass would've been greener or full of weeds.

Then we snap back to now and count again all the blessings we have. I truly believe children are conceived at exactly the right moment meant for them. The rest of the world, including the mommy, may think it isn't time, but God above does.

My husband always says if there's one they we can count on, it is change. I do not regret any of my past as it has led me to this point in my life. My beautiful babies and my loving, BFF husband :)

I love how you share your thoughts and ponder life.

Sylvia C. said...

I must agree. The what ifs are so natural. To hold back is the only thing which is unnatural!

I hope you can find space in your life for all the things in your life which you love and enjoy!


Sylvia C.

Mama G said...

I waited ... for all of it. Married at 35. First child at 37. Currently pregnant with second child at 41.

I have no regrets, although I do find myself obsessed now with trying to stay healthy and young so that I live long enough to meet my grandchildren!!

If I could change anything, it wouldn't be that I would've gotten married younger or had children younger, I'd change the fact that we don't know how long we will live. But of course, neither is really possible, is it?

Alicia said...

I have the same thoughts all the time. I was 19 when I got pregnant with my first son and 20 when I got married. There are definitely times when I miss that "life I never had" of a career and travel and no responsibility but myself. But I think about how full my heart feels now and decide that no amount of money or possessions could beat that. We have the most important job in the world, after all!

SusieJ said...

Energy. It's the one thing I miss being an older Mom. I wish I had more of it.

Heart of Rachel said...

Hi Louann. I didn't marry early but I can still relate to what you wrote. There are sometimes, I find myself wanting to escape the responsibilities of motherhood (even just for a few hours). My husband and I would go out on dates without our son. The funny thing is, we end up talking about our son and we would often feel excited about going home to see Yohan.

Stepping Over the Junk said...

It's interesting to think about what would have happened if we'd made other choices for ourselves, any little tiny one...

Sophiagurl said...

it's not bad thinking about things that could have been and wonder what would have happened. For me it opens other possibilities...can I do it now? can I do it over again?

I believe with your persistence and your tenacity you can reach your goals by leaps and bounds.

Wanting those things does not make you makes you human. And indulging yourself once in a while is not so bad too =)