Sometimes, I look around me. I take a look at the people around me. The environment I am in. 25, married and with 2 kids - not your 'typical' 25 year old girl here. People around me are choosing to marry later and later, concentrate on their careers, focus on their personal life by going after their dreams of conquering the world. I ask them if they have started to think about settling down, they say maybe in a few years. I ask them how at what age do they plan to start having kids, they say max would be when they are 30. Interesting, I think.
Sometimes, I wonder. What would my life be now if I did not have a child so early? Or if I didn't get married. Or if I didn't have a second child. I would probably be engrossed in my career, saving up as much as I can. Travelling the world and enjoying my earnings. My responsibility would be myself, me. Just me. I probably would have found a certain sense of happiness in doing so. What problems would I face? Certainly not milk bottles or stinky nappies. I get caught up in daydreaming, having to jolt myself back to reality.
Is it bad? I think not. We all have the tendency to think of the what if's, the could have's. But then again, we remember the "but then."
When I get caught up thinking of the things I do not have, the circumstances I am not in or the reality opposite of my reality, I find myself appreciating what I have, what I am in, my present reality. It's not easy, it isn't. Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting to bail out because no one ever told me it would be this tough. It is a life I never thought I would be living. But even so, if someone did warn me, I still think I would have made the same choices.