Friday, September 21, 2007

The Real World

Kids are getting better. Now I'm the one sick. I woke up yesterday with this baseball in my throat. Could not swallow anything. I made the soup and we all enjoyed it. Except that I had to eat mine like a baby - softly mashed. I am so hungry but I can't eat. Am on antibiotics and will be for the next 5 days. I wish I felt better the soonest.
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On to more important things. 2 days ago, my 5 year old came home from school and told me "Mom Steiner punched me." "WHERE?!?!" I demanded. He said, "here (pointing to his neck). I asked him what he did after he was punched. And my 5 year old, being who he is said he didn't do anything.
Last year, almost same incident happened, incidents actually. There was this guy who kept hurting my son. Either pushing him or scratching him or punching him. I informed the teacher on all those occasions and requested the teacher keep a close eye on that bully. And since my son is the type who does not fight back, he did nothing. UNTIL one day, he probably got so fed up and fought back - yes, he punched the boy back. That same day, I got a note from the teacher telling me that my son and his classmates had a brawl. I was mad. So I demanded a meeting with the teacher and the parents of the boy - unfortunately, they said they do not encourage confrontations with other parents. But I met up with the teacher. Necessary disciplinary actions were taken.
Going back to what happened 2 days ago. Deep inside of me, I felt very bad for my son. He is not the type who fights back. He is the kind of boy, who - sadly - allows himself to be bullied. Yes, that's how he is. Even in playgroups, he really is that way. Not the leader type. Not the aggressive one. Not the initiator. He is such kind spirited boy.
So when he was telling me about the most recent incident, deep down inside of me, what I really wanted to tell him was "Never be the first to hurt but if they hurt you, defend yourself." I had to reword it of course. I just told him never to allow anyone to hurt him, that he will have to also defend himself. Why can some children be so mean?
What do you think?
We will never always be there to defend our children. In the long run, they will have their own lives. And they will have to stand up on their own.

8 comments:

Midas said...

I've never figure out why some kids are very mean. I think it's what they see around them, and they act it out. They probably do not mean to be bad, but it's what they see, so it's normal.

I say the same things to my children. Don't be the first to hurt anyone, but don't let anyone hurt them. Sometimes, you have to fight back. Still, your son sounds so much like my son.

I hope you get well soon.

SusieJ said...

Talk, talk talk. You're doing the right thing. There is a great picture book called King of the Playground that my kids loved -- about how to deal with bullies. They still love that book. Try to find it and read that to them and keep talking. I let my kids know I'm right behind them -- sometimes I call the Mom even.

Louann, are you sipping apple cider vinegar? Just a teaspoon in a glass of water about 3 times a day should clear up the throat in about a day and a half. And rest.

mommiesconfession said...

I am proud of you of how to teach your kids regarding matters like that.....Never start....But i guess your son was very hurt and
he need to defend himself of what he's classmate did...I agree with you about case like that.My son "carl" did the same things when hes classmate punch him at hes FACE,oh my!I couldn't imagine that way.But talk right away....

Get well soon and take care always louann....

Sophiagurl said...

some kids could really get violent and it's hard sometimes to teach our kids to fight back especially if they are not used to violence.

but talking about it with the teachers will help a lot. it's good that your son talks to you about it. I hope this boy will stop hurting your kid.

And get well soon! I had my bout of virus too a week ago. God bless!

Jennboree said...

It has been rather surprising how aggressive some kids are at such a young age.

I don't think many of them have the intention to be mean, they are just physical in expressing themselves (due to wrestling at home, older siblings, etc?) and it results in hurting other children.

That being said, I too have to find ways to help my children defend themselves or remove themselves from the situation and to TELL AN ADULT.

My brother was like your son. Until 3rd grade. A boy made fun of his red lips and my bro punched him in the eye. It shocked all of us!

I'm so sorry you feel bad! Liquids, liquids! Have you tried hot tea and lemon with a little honey?

Amanda Sue said...

oh, that is heartbreaking! to not be there to fix it for him! that makes me angry FOR you.

but all you can do is teach him to be the better person, and know that he is going to grow up a decent man. bullies suck.

Karen MEG said...

Hope you feel better soon louann. On the bullying thing, my son is just like your older boy. I remember when I had put him in daycare (he was 2!) there was a little boy who picked on him all the time, would push him whenever he could. I only figured this out after he would cry whenever I would get him ready for school. It turned out this boy was a special needs child, who was acting out; but I kept a close eye on this, with the daycare supervisor and the teachers. It was quite sad, though, that my guy had to learn to "block" the hits coming his way - the teachers taught him that! He wasn't the only child being hit. It eventually resolved, but to this day he is not aggressive, or even assertive at all, and reluctant to "tell on" any of his peers. I even had to send a note in on the first day of school as a bunch of girls have been chasing him every recess. He hates it, broke down to me and his dad, so we wrote a note to his teacher. It resolved the next day. But he's bottled that up for over a year!!! So I also worry.
My girlie, she's pretty feisty and will likely look after herself. I'm sure she'll eventually protect her big brother on the schoolyard :)

Karen MEG said...

Hope you feel better soon louann. On the bullying thing, my son is just like your older boy. I remember when I had put him in daycare (he was 2!) there was a little boy who picked on him all the time, would push him whenever he could. I only figured this out after he would cry whenever I would get him ready for school. It turned out this boy was a special needs child, who was acting out; but I kept a close eye on this, with the daycare supervisor and the teachers. It was quite sad, though, that my guy had to learn to "block" the hits coming his way - the teachers taught him that! He wasn't the only child being hit. It eventually resolved, but to this day he is not aggressive, or even assertive at all, and reluctant to "tell on" any of his peers. I even had to send a note in on the first day of school as a bunch of girls have been chasing him every recess. He hates it, broke down to me and his dad, so we wrote a note to his teacher. It resolved the next day. But he's bottled that up for over a year!!! So I also worry.
My girlie, she's pretty feisty and will likely look after herself. I'm sure she'll eventually protect her big brother on the schoolyard :)