So after I left the doctor's clinic, I called the husband to tell him how it went. I couldn't even finish the sentence because of the huge knot in my throat. Thinking it was something grave, the husband dashed right out of the bank and straight to the hospital to pick me up. I was finally able to tell him the story and then I asked him to drive me to the drugstore before bringing me back to the office. So at the drugstore, I gave the prescription and patiently waited. The pharmacy assistant came back and informed me that they were out of the anti-depressants that were prescribed to me. Darn, I thought.
For the heck of making sure, I asked for a pregnancy kit.
I had been feeling weird the past month or so but wasn't paying close attention to the already symptoms at that time. So I after calling the husband, I told my officemates and I called my OB and my closest friends. Everyone was happy for me.
I have been wanting to share this news since I found out almost more than a week ago BUT was held back by a surprising reaction by someone. When I told my cousin, she sounded excited / what did you get yourself into / why?!? Maybe she was just thinking if I was still in my right mind to have another kid given that times are tough, prices of everything keeps going up child care isn't easy, etc. She told me to post on my blog when I was sure I was ready because surely other family members (my aunts) would get to read my blog and would most likely ask me questions and so I had to be ready when they did ask.
And I decided to take a step back and refrain from being excited. I thought to myself, did I do something wrong?
For the next week, I kept silent and kept thinking about everything. And today, I realized, I am happy. I am ready. I am excited. I am blessed. And I totally do not owe any explanation to anyone at all.
This is my 3rd chance to improve on my craft -- this thing we call motherhood. I am embracing this role I have been blessed with even more. This baby may have been unplanned in the sense that we were not expecting the baby this soon, but definitely this baby is well loved and is already being well taken cared of.
Last night, I lay in bed while everyone else was in deep slumber and felt that tugging feeling in my heart -- I started to miss my Mom and Dad so bad. I thought, if they were alive, they would never have doubted my and my husband's capabilities of raising 3 children. In fact, they would have been elated. I said to myself, that is what makes the big difference between the love that a parent gives a child and the love that someone else can give you. A parent's love is unconditional. I whispered to myself, hoping Mom and Dad would here me "I wish you were here-- to hold my hand and assure me." I want them so bad to still be here.
And so we're on to baby #3! The past week has been full of so many pregnancy related stories that I can't wait to share. If I may just say, the "high" feeling is exactly the same way I felt the 1st time I was pregnant and the 2nd time I was pregnant. The feeling doesn't wear off. I am excited. I'm due mid-March. I think it's going to be a boy!