Beyond Milk Bottles and Diapers

I got my son's report card last week. For the first time, I was to expect A's, B's or C's. And when I got his card, I saw 4 A-'s and 5 B's.

In a society where children's grades are given high importance, I instantly felt quite disappointed. I knew he could have done much better. I knew my kid has so much potential in him.

We were given the chance to speak with his teacher. She told us that Josh is a well liked kid, both by the boys and the girls in his class. He has great potential to be a good leader. He easily takes on the role of a leader when given the chance. But there are times when he becomes too playful and gets distracted when doing his work. He also has a tendency to be forgetful (please do not look at me, I blame all the anesthesia for my forgetfulness..nope, he didn't get that from me.I'm not guilty). which leads him to forget the instructions given to him before the activity. He is an average kid who needs to be encouraged more.

Now. How do I feel?

First of all, there was one time when he came home with an empty school bag. He couldn't remember where his books were! I was worried that it was stolen, he misplaced them or he just simply forgot them. I asked him-- refer back to paragraph 3 where I talked about his forgetfulness -- where his books were and all he could say was "I don't remember."

And then there was one time when 5 minutes before the school bus came, I checked his bag and didn't see his snack inside. Yep, he forgot it on the kitchen counter.

The kid lacks focus.

There are times when after coming home from work, I ask him how his day was, what he did in school, etc. and all he tells me about is what food he ate for lunch and what game they played while waiting for the school bus to take him home.

There are instances when I call him and tell him it's time to review for the next day and he sudden;y becomes sleepy and tired and gives me the weepy eyes look accompanied by the hugest yawn in the whole wide world EVEN IF 5 minutes before that he was all jumping and screaming with his brother.

The kid doesn't look forward to school stuff. Serious school stuff.

I am trying to develop good study habits. When I was still on my maternity leave, I had all the time to ficus on him. As soon as he would arrive from school, which would be between 2:15-2:30, he would have a light snack (a whole cup of rice with whatever was leftover from our lunch -- i'm saving the whole appetite issue for a separate post) and then we would have study time. But when I had to drag myself back to work, study time obviously had to be moved to a later time.

There is this huge amount of guilty feelings packed in a box shoved in the closet which I am trying to avoid at all costs. I have been telling myself that that's the way it really is given that I have to work.

Oh let me spill it all out. I feel that if I didn't have to work the whole day, I would have so much more time, energy and enthusiasm to focus on all my 3 children. To give them all their needs. If I didn't have to work, I'd still be able to have study time with my 7 year old early on in the afternoon when his energy level is still high, I'd be able to spend the day with him (now that he is on his 3 week break) teaching him about life --just life.

I am trying to be superwoman. But I am not. I have given that ambition up a few years ago when I thought I was seriously going to lose my sanity. I am being who I am. Being the best that I can be. But I can only do so much.

So going back to what I was saying. I feel disappointed. At myself.

I'm looking for ways to encourage my son more. This is a first for me. Don't remind me that I have 2 more to go. There's a whole lifetime ahead.

It is my desire to see my children well into their adult lives confident that they will survive this life.

Josh goes back to school in 2 weeks. I sat down with him and had a serious discussion about school and the importance of giving importance to his studies. I'm praying he absorbs everything that I said.

After all, I can only do so much.

First Came Santa

His permanent teeth decided to come out before his baby teeth fell off.

Unaware. Dead to the world

His thank you note for the tooth fairy

On Life

(A few minutes before giving hubby his cake)

Dash: Mommy? Come here! (calling me to one corner)

Me: Yes?

Dash: Come here! (whispering excitedly)

Me: What is it Dash?

Dash: I want talk to you mommy.

Me: About?

Dash: It's Daddy's birthday for Father's Day Mommy!

Me: Hahahaha! It's just Father's Day Dash

Dash: And Birthday of Daddy! We give the cake already mommy?

Me: Yes Dash, we're giving Daddy the cake now.

Dash: Deee-vine? (househelp's name) Get the life!

Me: Life?

Dash: To cut the cake mommy. The life!

Happy

And because you love racing...

And you said no fancy gifts this year...




Happy Fathers Day!

We Love You!

Burn Out

This happens all the time. It's normal. It'll pass.

I want to vanish. I want to hibernate. I need a genie in a bottle to grant me those 3 wishes. I need a vacation. I want to scream my head off. I want to bury my head in the sand.

It'll pass. I will get over it.

A Photo Tag and My Dad

I think this is a great tag, thanks Karen. The instruction is to look up your very first file of photos on this computer and find the 10th photo.


This was taken on October 22, 2006 at the cemetery where my dad is buried and a few of my Mom's ashes are. It was the 1st death anniversary of my Mom and we (me, the husband, Josh and Dash) brought flowers to my Dad's grave.


--

Tomorrow is Father's Day. This is the 6th Father's Day without Dad. I haven't talked about him much lately. Not that I don't miss him. Maybe even missing him even more. I'm trying to search through my feelings right now.

It doesn't get better each year, doesn't get easier. The pain varies each year. One year it was purely the missing feeling. The next, it was guilt. What came next was the yearning. Then, the wondering why knowing there were no answers. For a time, I thought I was ready to simply swallow what just had to be.

I still look for his wisdom. Those things about life that he taught which I never really paid much attention to. When crossroads confront me, I close my eyes and try to imagine what he would have told me. I crave for his unsolicited advise which on hindsight, pretty much made me make the wisest decisions in my life.

He was my wall. That wall I never gave much importance to but without that wall I know I would never had stood firmly on my own. That wall that allowed me to lean my head back on, slide down and cry my heart out on.

He knew me much more that I thought he did. He knew who I was and who I could be.

He believed in my even when the world decided to say I didn't have a chance.

He was brutally frank with me. He slapped me with the hard truth but after doing so, embraced me without saying anything. But i knew everything he wanted to say.

He is my hero.

He is my Dad.

I love you Dad.

Oh Yes, Those Milestones

Dear Writer / Publisher of Baby Books,

I have been a great fan of your baby books since 2002. I have used it to record special events, milestones of my babies. I have filled them with a lot of pictures and remembrances of events and experiences of my children because I would want them to someday fondly look back at all them.

May I just suggest that aside from your

• Ate solid foods at _____months
• Walked at ______ months
• Sat alone at _____ months
• Crawled at _____ months

list, may you add the following too?

• Slept straight through the night ______ months / years old
• Gave up the binky / paci _____ months / years old
• Stopped thumbsucking ______ years old
• Had haircut at own will at barber shop ______ years old
• Allowed to be left at school alone without any drama _____ years old

Such milestones are those which we parents truly look forward to because then we get to hear the angels singing. After all, our babies are human.

We look forward to such changes.

Many Thanks,
Mommy of Three

Time Out! I Said, TIME OUT! TIME OUT!!!

Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrttt!!!!!!

That was supposed to be the sound of a whistle.

It's difficult being a referee between 2 bickering / complaining / whining / crying / moping boys. Arghhh! It drives me C-R-A-Z-Y! And I can't bring myself to imaging what its going to be like when the baby starts talking and demanding to be heard too!

They can't live with each other but they can't live without each other. They love playing together but seem to find the need to fight over that ONE toy amidst the gazillion of other toys in their playroom.

One says something and the other needs to say something about it and then leads to debate. And since the smaller one is still grasping the art of forming complete and relevant sentences, he gets so frustrated because before he can finish his sentence, the older one is already saying something again to contradict him.

When I try to give them "time away from each other," they become so sad. They promise not to fight. I give in. The moment they're together again, the bickering / whining / complaining begins.

They're the best of friends. They tell me they can't wait till the baby is big enough to start playing with them

Give me a break once in a while kiddos.

Seriously

It's a long weekend. and you want to know what I will be doing?

1. Working

2. Reviewing my 7 year old for his exams next week.

What can be more fun?

Something I Have Slowly Learned To Learn

Have you ever had the urge to always correct someone if you thought he or she was wrong? or spark up a debate because you firmly believe you must make that person realize your opinion and hopefully convince that person to believe in what you are saying?

Well I have.

And I have found it to be very tiring.

It maybe comes with getting older--maturing they say.

I used to find myself in discussions which would lead to debates. And the debates wouldn't stop unless someone would finally give in and most of the time that someone who would give in wouldn't be me. Of course not.

But lately, I have learned to control my opinions. Sometimes I talk but I just say what I have to say, usually only if I am being asked.

It's less tiring.

As I Was Saying

Where were we again?

Oh yeah. So my 3 year old started school on Monday. I was so full of worry and fear about having to deal with a whole lot of drama but I was totally wrong. We all started the day early and Dash seemed pretty excited about preparing for school. When we got to his school, he skipped happily to his classroom. When he got to the door, he stood there and peeped inside before slowly entering and looking around. When he saw the other children, he happily joined them and started drawing. My husband started to wave at me as if telling me not to show myself to Dash anymore and just leave. I didn't want to. I said goodbye to Dash and told him we were leaving. To my surprise, he just said "OK!" and then kissed me. Sweet boy. I hope this won't ever end.

Arrow turned 3 months on Saturday. He weighs 7kgs and is 63cms long. He still is my sweet little milk monster. He is starting to laugh. He loves his mobile (so do his brothers) and enjoys it when he is being talked to. His brothers love him.

I has been a riot in the house the past weeks. Still a lot of adjusting to do but I find myself happily exhausted most of the time. Sometimes I catch myself daydreaming but realize right away that I wouldn't want my life any other way.

In the meantime...

Total Randomness

I can't think of just one particular topic to write about. I have a whole bunch of nothing in my head right now.

I can't believe I survived 2 weeks without the hubby. He's heading back home tomorrow and the boys can't wait to see him. I must say I sort of enjoyed his time away from me. I think we all need breathing space once in a while.

Today I realized how ungrateful I can sometimes become-- it's embarrassing. I drove to work this morning via another route because I was avoiding the traffic and enormous potholes caused by some stupid contractor who left the road unfinished. Anyway, as I was driving to work, I found myself contemplating on one thing I have forgotten to be thankful for-- my work. So today, instead of complaining about it, I prayed for physical strength to do what I have to do, enthusiasm in the things I have to do and joy in my heart for the things I have to do.

The rainy weather has dampened everyones spirit here at home. My 7 year old can't stand the rain. My 3 year old stands in front of the window scolding the rain to go away and poor little 3 month old has no morning sunshine to enjoy.

I also can't believe that half the year has gone by. Seriously, we only have 6 more months left before Christmas.