I got my son's report card last week. For the first time, I was to expect A's, B's or C's. And when I got his card, I saw 4 A-'s and 5 B's.
In a society where children's grades are given high importance, I instantly felt quite disappointed. I knew he could have done much better. I knew my kid has so much potential in him.
We were given the chance to speak with his teacher. She told us that Josh is a well liked kid, both by the boys and the girls in his class. He has great potential to be a good leader. He easily takes on the role of a leader when given the chance. But there are times when he becomes too playful and gets distracted when doing his work. He also has a tendency to be forgetful (please do not look at me, I blame all the anesthesia for my forgetfulness..nope, he didn't get that from me.I'm not guilty). which leads him to forget the instructions given to him before the activity. He is an average kid who needs to be encouraged more.
Now. How do I feel?
First of all, there was one time when he came home with an empty school bag. He couldn't remember where his books were! I was worried that it was stolen, he misplaced them or he just simply forgot them. I asked him-- refer back to paragraph 3 where I talked about his forgetfulness -- where his books were and all he could say was "I don't remember."
And then there was one time when 5 minutes before the school bus came, I checked his bag and didn't see his snack inside. Yep, he forgot it on the kitchen counter.
The kid lacks focus.
There are times when after coming home from work, I ask him how his day was, what he did in school, etc. and all he tells me about is what food he ate for lunch and what game they played while waiting for the school bus to take him home.
There are instances when I call him and tell him it's time to review for the next day and he sudden;y becomes sleepy and tired and gives me the weepy eyes look accompanied by the hugest yawn in the whole wide world EVEN IF 5 minutes before that he was all jumping and screaming with his brother.
The kid doesn't look forward to school stuff. Serious school stuff.
I am trying to develop good study habits. When I was still on my maternity leave, I had all the time to ficus on him. As soon as he would arrive from school, which would be between 2:15-2:30, he would have a light snack (a whole cup of rice with whatever was leftover from our lunch -- i'm saving the whole appetite issue for a separate post) and then we would have study time. But when I had to drag myself back to work, study time obviously had to be moved to a later time.
There is this huge amount of guilty feelings packed in a box shoved in the closet which I am trying to avoid at all costs. I have been telling myself that that's the way it really is given that I have to work.
Oh let me spill it all out. I feel that if I didn't have to work the whole day, I would have so much more time, energy and enthusiasm to focus on all my 3 children. To give them all their needs. If I didn't have to work, I'd still be able to have study time with my 7 year old early on in the afternoon when his energy level is still high, I'd be able to spend the day with him (now that he is on his 3 week break) teaching him about life --just life.
I am trying to be superwoman. But I am not. I have given that ambition up a few years ago when I thought I was seriously going to lose my sanity. I am being who I am. Being the best that I can be. But I can only do so much.
So going back to what I was saying. I feel disappointed. At myself.
I'm looking for ways to encourage my son more. This is a first for me. Don't remind me that I have 2 more to go. There's a whole lifetime ahead.
It is my desire to see my children well into their adult lives confident that they will survive this life.
Josh goes back to school in 2 weeks. I sat down with him and had a serious discussion about school and the importance of giving importance to his studies. I'm praying he absorbs everything that I said.
After all, I can only do so much.