This was taken on October 22, 2006 at the cemetery where my dad is buried and a few of my Mom's ashes are. It was the 1st death anniversary of my Mom and we (me, the husband, Josh and Dash) brought flowers to my Dad's grave.
Tomorrow is Father's Day. This is the 6th Father's Day without Dad. I haven't talked about him much lately. Not that I don't miss him. Maybe even missing him even more. I'm trying to search through my feelings right now.
It doesn't get better each year, doesn't get easier. The pain varies each year. One year it was purely the missing feeling. The next, it was guilt. What came next was the yearning. Then, the wondering why knowing there were no answers. For a time, I thought I was ready to simply swallow what just had to be.
I still look for his wisdom. Those things about life that he taught which I never really paid much attention to. When crossroads confront me, I close my eyes and try to imagine what he would have told me. I crave for his unsolicited advise which on hindsight, pretty much made me make the wisest decisions in my life.
He was my wall. That wall I never gave much importance to but without that wall I know I would never had stood firmly on my own. That wall that allowed me to lean my head back on, slide down and cry my heart out on.
He knew me much more that I thought he did. He knew who I was and who I could be.
He believed in my even when the world decided to say I didn't have a chance.
He was brutally frank with me. He slapped me with the hard truth but after doing so, embraced me without saying anything. But i knew everything he wanted to say.
He is my hero.
He is my Dad.
I love you Dad.