Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Longing For

I dream of days when I do not need to rush in the morning. As I open my eyes, I look beside me and see my little bugger (Dash) still sleeping. I comfortably get out of bed and prepare breakfast while ushering in big bugger (Josh) into the bathroom to take a bath. I get Josh ready for school just as the little one is waking up. We all eat breakfast together and send hubby and Josh off.

The little one and I spend half of the morning in the garden - Dash looking for bugs and butterflies to pester, flowers to pick while I chase after him. We stop for a morning snack before we head in for bath time. He has some play time while I prepare lunch. Hubby and Josh arrive and we all have lunch together. Hubby head out as I stay with the boys. We have some play time before they take a nap. When they wake up, I give them a snack and then the 3 of us head off to the grocery. We come home and I prepare a delicious dinner. We play while waiting for hubby to arrive. Shortly after hubby arrives, we all have dinner. As I wash the dishes, the 3 boys play. And then I get them ready for bed. And then ah- some quiet time for me and hubby. And then it is off to dreamland.


OK in reality - I prepare a bottle for Dash between 5-530 AM. We are all awake by 630. I prepare Josh's food and try to feed Dash at the same time. As soon as Josh finishes his breakfast, he takes a bath as I try to take a quick bite while Dash is with hubby. As soon as Josh finishes, it's my turn to jump into the shower. I get out and try to pick an outfit quickly while running after Dash with just a towel wrapped around me. Hubby is taking a bath by this time. Everyone starts to get on each other's nerves by 730 - we will all be late again. So we get in the car and wave bye bye to Dash. Hubby drops me off at the office and he takes Josh to school. My day revolves around checking emails, attending meetings and other administrative tasks. By 1130, hubby and Josh pick me up and we all head home for lunch. An hour is a quick break and then I head back to the office. Afternoons are the same for me in the office. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I head off to school until around 83o in the evening and then I head home. On days that I don't have class, we usually go home right after my work unless we have to make a quick run to the grocery or do a few errands.


I am on verge of complaining. Or banging my head on the wall. I miss my children. I wish I could spend more time with them. I'm thinking of not enrolling next semester - enroll when the kids are older. I have realized that I am rushing things and wanting to get them done too quickly.


Jennboree said...

Sweet Louann. I so understand where you are coming from.

Reading your post makes me once again stop to appreciate that I am able to stay home because, believe me, there are plenty of days when I wonder what happened to my time for ME. SAHM's lives are all-consumed with their children.

One hour a day during their naps that happen to overlap, I get to either sit in silence, blog, take a bath, watch the news, sip some tea or have a true conversation with a friend on the phone.

I do believe though that we have to gobble up every extra minute we get with our children because they grow so fast it makes my head spin!

If you feel putting school on hold is best for not only your boys but YOU, then I encourage you to do so. Soak up your moments with your babies. They need it as much as you do. School will be there.

I will either volunteer or go back to school once both girls are in elementary. I feel we should always do something to better ourselves because our children learn from our internal happiness as much as our external.

PinksandBluesGirls said...

Oh, I know... there are so many days when I just want to be able to slow down and not have to rush, rush, rush. There are simply not enough hours in the day sometimes, and I can't even imagine having to do all you do ALONG with going to school.

I hope you're able to slow down a bit, especially if you decide not to enroll next semester.

Jane, Pinks & Blues Girls

Mama G said...

I hear ya, sister! Although I'm not enrolled in school, my volunteer work was taking too much time away from my son - so I had to drastically cut back on that over the last few years. It was hard to do, but so worth it!!!!

louann said...

* Jenn - so so so so true. I especially love when you said this : "I feel we should always do something to better ourselves because our children learn from our internal happiness as much as our external." Thanks :)

Amanda Sue said...

this post made me laugh, even though it wasn't meant to be totally funny. the leisurely morning in the garden sure is different from trying to get everyone ready for school, isn't it? :)

Anonymous said...

It is hard being a working mom and feeling rushed, and never having enough time with our families, isn't it? There is so much I would like to do, but I keep putting it off until later. I keep thinking I have enough to do as it is. But, it seems as my kids get older, the more they need me to be around and involved in their lives.

What to do and how to find the balance. I just try to hang on to the days like the one in the garden that you described and enjoy them when they do come.

Shoshana said...

Louann, this post made me realized I don't appreciate enough being at home with my kids.

It's just that there are moments I wished I waas at work so I could come home and appreciate my children more. Some days are more loud than others. When my baby goes to school in another 3 years, I have no idea what to do...maybe pick up med school where I left off, but that means having to move the family whereever I end up.

Also, I'll be 38 by then. I am not sure I want to pit myself with those 20 year olds people.

Overall, I am sure I like ti better at home with my children.

Sophiagurl said...

this is sooo true Louann, this is our trade-off. but then we can also be better mothers if we are also able to better our inner selves.

I know what you mean, you just turn your head for a second and they've grown up sooo fast. cherish the moments...that's what we should do.