Monday, December 10, 2007

Realizations

There have been many many things going on. New job, being away from home, adjusting to the new job, husband's new job, Christmas around the corner, the 4 day beach trip we had. Yes, a lot has been going on. And I have noticed that I have found myself tangled in a pool of emotions again but which I failed to deal with. I have been trying to live each day as if it were any normal day but yes, things have been borthering me - in a good and in a bad way.

With Christmas around the corner, I have found myself crying for my Mom and Dad. 4th Chrstmas without Dad, 3rd without Mom. I remember the Christmases spent with them. I have stories to tell but maybe not now- in the days to come I will.

And while on the 4 day vacation we had, I had time to think and really remember them. And a lot of what my Dad taught me about so many things - from cleaning a shrip without using one's hand to life in general- came rushing through my mind. And I will write about those things too - which made me miss him all the more. Suddenly so many questions I wanted to ask came to mind - but then how will I ask him when he is no longer around?

We celebrate our 4th year wedding anniversary as well- I even almost forgot.

I had a migraine attack last week. And it was terrible. And I think my migraines are brought about by psychological / emotional stress.

I have been trying to get along with my new officemates- so far I would want to think I have been successful at doing so. But I am still trying to find my way and carve my path in the office. Trying to learn and discover the different personalities of the people around me.

The boys are growing up so fast. The little guy slowly adding words to his vocablary - he calls his brother Jotch (Josh) and loves the word "Atch" (Ouch). My 5 year old has been reading books already and just this evening while doing his homework, I doscovered he is very comfortable when it comes to ading up numbers.

Oh Wow.

According to Morrie, it is not good to detach oneself because then, it is as if you are denying your emotions Instead, allow yourself to immerse in the emotion - be it pain, sadness, happiness- whatever it is, feel the emotion. And then when you get older, you will know how to avoid the feeling you do not want to feel because you already know how it feels. And so some people think it is detachment but it is not. Instead it is the wisdom brought about the experiences by which those emotions evolved that allow us to avoid the experience so that undesired emotions are not brought about.

And so I am trying my best to immerse myself in whatever emotion is brought my way. I am trying to just allow each experience to mold me. So that one day, I will look back at all these, smile and will know in my heart that this all had a purpose.

2 comments:

Midas said...

Louann, this is such a great idea. I would like to experience my emotions and just let it roll, except maybe for today.

Cause going with my emotions today would not be very good for that horrible person who thinks he can just slither back into our lives because we might have forgotten the atrocious things he'd done to my children. I gotta get over this.

It's gotta be tough with holidays here and your parents both gone. But you have your husband and your two beautiful children. It's not the same, but it will be great and fun for y'all.

C said...

Hi Louann,
I know how hard it is around the holidays. I miss my grandfather tremendously, especially around this time of the year. Though he has been gone for a few years already, it doesn't make it any easier. He was such an integral part of our lives.

At least you've got your wonderful family with you :) I sometimes forget to count my blessings. Hubby always reminds me though! Thinking of you. xo