Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The Struggle

I think a HUGE part of what has been bothering me lately is my ...............................

Yes. Since I gave birth I have been getting bigger and bigger. And it has reached the point where I do not feel good about myself anymore. And although it is disturbing, I still find myself stuffing my body with food.

I was never really fat. I was chubby in highschool but became thin in college. And then I got pregnant. At first, I would tell myself it was OK to be 'big' because I had just given birth. Months passed and then years and then I found myself still getting bigger. But I never really paid attention to it. I did try excercising. And then diets. And then I got pregnant again. And this time, I have not stopped increasing in size.

I am not really that vain, although conscious, I never get obsessed over my appearance.

But until recently when my confidence level was being eaten up but pants that could not be zipped, blouses that were to tight and jackets that could no longer be closed. And then I realized I had a problem.

When I wake up, all I think about is food. What I will eat for breakfast and half way through breakfast, I am already planning what I will eat for lunch. And while eating, even if I feel full already, I still continue shoving food down my throat.

It isn't vanity. It is unhealthy.

I have been trying to consciously watch what I eat and I have been cutting down on my food intake. It is difficult but I really need to lose weight. Not for anyone wlse, but for myself. And it is a struggle, I admit.


Pavel said...


Wow, this is a topic I had to deal with for a bit. I think I know exactly how you feel because I spent the last year with the same issue.
Like you, I would think about food often and eat more, even if I was already full. After a while my jeans were too hard to button and I felt terrible.
I'm not fat or anything but I didn't like "feeling" fat. I finally decided to work on it and it was hard. I would eat less and when I got hungry I had a cup of coffee or lots of water. After a while my stomach must have shrunk because I wasn't so hungry and it didn't take too long to feel stuffed. I finally lost the weight I had gained and now I don't need WD40 to get into my jeans. (smile)

good luck

PinksandBluesGirls said...

It is a constant struggle for me, as well. Especially this time of year, when delicious and fattening goodies are staring you right in the face everywhere you go.

But I know how you feel! If it makes you feel any better, based on the pictures I've seen of you, I think you look absolutely fantastic!

Jane, Pinks & Blues

Midas said...

I'm in the same boat. I haven't really done much except breastfeed and feed myself. My clothes sizes are 10-14. For someone who's 0-4 most of my life, it's a disaster. But, I think it's part of life. It's not so much the fat we have in our we age, that will always happen. It's how we look at ourselves. It's our self-image which matters most. We could be size 2 and still feel fat and ugly.

Btw, you look great. You're probably the only one noticing your weight gain.

Just Say These Words

C said...

Hi Louann!
I think this is something many of us struggle with. The holidays don't help either, with all the delicious food around! I try to eat healthy, balanced meals with proper portion sizes and I try to exercise regularly, but I still can't seem to shrink down to a size 5 like the rest of my mom's side of the family. When I went to the Philippines, I did not see any "fat" or "big" people in San Jose! Everyone there was so thin!!! Family members whom I had never met before would come up to me and say, "You're so healthy!" (meaning, "you are huge and you really need to lose weight").

I've dieted, exercised, and have done all kinds of things to become thin. I was skinny as a child, but after puberty my body changed. I went from thin to bigger, to losing weight and gaining weight. I have come to the realization that I may never be a size 0 or even a size 2. All I can do is keep trying to eat healthy and exercise as much as I can. I try to not let comments from the family bug me. My husband loves me the way I am, and I love me the way I am, so why can't they?

Anyway, you look fantastic! You really do! :) xoxo

Midas said...

Hey Louann, it just occured to me...are you pregnant? Every time I am pregnant, I love to eat. IT's all I can think about.

mlu said...

Hello Louann,
We love Foods.I know that one of our weaknesses is really foods.
I hope i can help you with this simple advice:Eat lots of fruits and water and minimize carbo.