Monday, April 6, 2009
The Past Month
Exactly a month ago, I gave birth to my 3rd baby boy. 28 years ago, my parents got married. 5 years ago, my Dad had just 1 more day to live before succumbing to liver cirrhosis.
Quite an eventful day for me. a mix of emotions. Feelings of happiness and loneliness.
Imagine, in just 11 months, my youngest son will be turning 1. There are times when I wish he would grow up fast -- with more waking hours during the day, less diaper changes, "playtime," etc. But then I remind myself to savor and enjoy every minute of his babyhood because this will never happen again.
I'm glad I don't seem to have any symptoms of post partum blues. My emotions seem to be in place with just a few sobs and tears when bumps can't seem to be avoided along the way.
My 2 older boys seem to be loving their littlest brother more and more each day. Each with their own concerns about the baby -- my 7 year old always concerned about whether the baby is hungry while my 3 year old constantly checking on whether the baby needs a diaper change or not.
Sometimes though, feelings of inadequacy kick in. I find myself concerned about what other people might say or what other people might think about how I am as a mother. And these thoughts affect me.