Monday, April 6, 2009

The Past Month

Exactly a month ago, I gave birth to my 3rd baby boy. 28 years ago, my parents got married. 5 years ago, my Dad had just 1 more day to live before succumbing to liver cirrhosis.

Quite an eventful day for me. a mix of emotions. Feelings of happiness and loneliness.

Imagine, in just 11 months, my youngest son will be turning 1. There are times when I wish he would grow up fast -- with more waking hours during the day, less diaper changes, "playtime," etc. But then I remind myself to savor and enjoy every minute of his babyhood because this will never happen again.

I'm glad I don't seem to have any symptoms of post partum blues. My emotions seem to be in place with just a few sobs and tears when bumps can't seem to be avoided along the way.

My 2 older boys seem to be loving their littlest brother more and more each day. Each with their own concerns about the baby -- my 7 year old always concerned about whether the baby is hungry while my 3 year old constantly checking on whether the baby needs a diaper change or not.

Sometimes though, feelings of inadequacy kick in. I find myself concerned about what other people might say or what other people might think about how I am as a mother. And these thoughts affect me.


Serendipity said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shoshana said...

Louann, they really grow fast. My youngest is now three. His hair is now short and I wish it wasn't cut at all. It seems like such a final goodbye to babyhood.

He's such a cutie, your newest addition.