Monday, June 20, 2011

This Is It

How I wish I could be like most people who happily say that as they look back on their life, they have no regrets whatsoever about anything. Wow. I have tons of regrets which I am slowly coming to terms so that I get to let go of so much anger and bitterness bottled up inside me. A few years ago, I would say that I had no regrets but after years of reflection and realizations, I told myself that I had to be true to myself.

On the few occasions where the kids complaining & whining die down, the rants of the husband seem to tame down and I find my world quieting down, I get to listen to my heart - to its rumbling and its tears rolling down and there I find myself in touch with my more human side. I am able to pour out a lot of my "oh how I wish" feelings. I no longer cringe at those thoughts. Instead I choose to come face to face with it and look them in the eye. They scare me sometimes but I choose not to pack them away in an old chest and hide it away from my heart. I'm stronger now, older now and more determined. When I feel my heart about to break, I don't hold it back anymore. I allow it to- because that what will make me more and more of a person. I know it will heal.

So here I am trying be more of myself day by day. This time truer. More human.

1 comment:

Al said...

People who say they do not regret anything they did in their lives are kidding themselves. Regret makes us strive to do better.