Tuesday, June 14, 2011

When It Rained, It Poured

I promised myself that part of my going back to blogging included my being true to myself and since this blog is open to the public, I understand that whatever I write here may be read by anyone in the world. But again, this blog is for me to express myself and write down whatever it is I feel.

Almost more than a year ago, the storms came. They came without giving me any time to recover from the previous one. They left broken branches, piles of pine needles and they left scars in my heart. Unable to recuperate fast, I found myself slowly withdrawing from my own self starting drown myself in my own sorrows and slowly spiraling down into the dungeon of self pity. Months passed and the rains got stronger and the winds blew harder. I was beginning to accept the fact that I would be living in a stormy world, one where I would never see the sun shine anymore.

People could not sense I was being battered by so many storms. Maybe I was that good at putting up a front. But inside, in my little secret world that I built I was drenched in the rain.

On New Year's Eve, my eyes tired of crying the truth dawned upon me and that when I realized that I did have a choice. I could decide whether or not I still wanted to see the sun. Not for the sake of my kids nor my husband but for myself.

Coming out of the rain was not easy, in fact on some occasions I still feel a little drizzle once in a while and still hear the soft clapping of the thunder. Every once in a while I still fear that the storms may come again but for now, at least I see the rainbow.

3 comments:

Al said...

louann, i understand exactly what you mean. same with us, it was one storm after another. it is good to have someone who shares the same path. like you, we get a glimpse of the rainbow every now and then. keep strong!

louann said...

Thanks Al! Storms make us even more human =) I'm truly glad I met you!

Al said...

I am glad I landed on your blog too. Mkes me feel I am not alone going through all these confusions.