Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Some Therapy and Maybe A Bit Of Sanity For Me, Please.

You want to know what I need right now?

Just now, like just a few minutes ago, I just realized that I need to hang out or be with married women who have kids. Getting to know so many wonderful mommies via the blog sphere has made me want to be with them or with people like them.

Like I would really want to meet Angel, aside from the fact that we both graduated from the same University (but different campus), we both have lost our Dads and when I get to read her posts about her Dad, I can so relate to what she wants to get across to her readers. And then there's SusieJ. who I know is such a wonderful woman. And mommies of boys really amaze me - she's got 4. Plus she shares so many wonderful things - from crafts to home remedies for when you're sick. And as I have followed her blog religiously, I have come to the conclusion that she is a woman of wisdom. I'd love to be able to tell stories with her, ask about her first years of marriage, first time with her first baby and how her life has changed with every thing else that has happened in between. If I get to meet Amanda Sue, I'd want to listen to her stories about her special needs students - that would be very interesting. And I'm sure I would ask about how she is able to balance her work, her married life, her kid and her pregnancy! There are also these 2 amazing women I have met, Mama G and Sophiagurl who are also career women. How do they do it? Do they experience times of just wanting to be a SAHM? How to they combat that feeling and go on with balancing family and career? And when you choose to have a career outside of the home, is it OK to be a go-getter and strive for that spot in the corporate world where you can say you are boss? What issues do they face when they get home? And having a nice cup of coffee with Jane and Audrey would be a wonderful experience, you know just to get to sit down and experience the love they have for each other as sisters. Plus, Jane is just a year older than I am, she doesn't have kids yet, but I would love to listen to what she plans for her and her family in the future. And then Audrey has 3 boys, and again, women with baby boys amaze me. But, women with little girls, like Jennboree are also amazing. Jenn is a SAHM and I would love to hear her stories about how amazing it is to be able to spend your whole day with your children. How great can that be, right? Will she want to work later on when her kids are older? And there are these 2 Filipina's I also "met" Chrissy and Shoshanna who seem like pretty amazing women too.

I have great friends, like really great friends. Friends who have seen me through everything, friends I have know for almost 18 years. But like last Saturday, when I met up with a few friends who happen to all be single, I started listening to the issues they have right now, listened to them rant about the problems they are faced with. And on a few points I was able to totally relate to them - when they started to talk about work and all its toxicity. I was there. And then they started to talk about boyfriends - the lack of it, that is. And i sat there and thought that if this conversation were happening at least 7 years ago, I would be able to pitch in and share my complaints and thoughts about it. But at that point, I couldn't. Some of my friends are at that 'date all you want,' 'collect before select' stages of their lives, some are looking for long time commitments because marriage is so a part of their life plans and would want to find the man already and some of my friends are already beyond that and have found peace in knowing that there is a possibility that they will remain single and childless forever.
Their stories entertain me. I occasionally get amused. Other times, I just sit there and find myself saying to myself "I don't believe this." Most of the time I speak my opinion. Like I can't say I am wise and all that to be giving them expert advise like the typical "been there done that, so I SHOULD know" attitude some people always try to put up as a front but I share what's on my mind.

But you know? Honestly, I would really want to sit and listen to people rant about how hard it is to balance work, family and self. How difficult it also is to maintain a happy marriage. I mean what do your husbands have to say about dividing your time between him, your work and the kids? How sad is it to know that you don't even have enough time and energy to cook up the favorite dishes of your loved ones - that you resort to simple and less time consuming dishes. And really, those single out there who keep complaining about not having enough time, what do you think working / studying moms fee then? I want to listen to stories about the differences of siblings.

To put things in the simplest of simple terms, I need to have friends who I can relate to (And vice versa) in the now stage of my life. Just to also know that what I am experiencing is totally real and not abnormal. It will be for my sanity.

11 comments:

SusieJ said...

Oh Louann. What a sweet, touching, thoughtful post. The blog does provide a well of inspiration and connects us with so many people we never would have met. We are all so lucky to know each other.

Jennboree said...

I completely understand where you're coming from. I began to crave other mommy friendships when Bella was a little over a year. That's when I met Cathleen, the mother of a little boy Bella is now best friends with.

And that has evolved into me joining a mommy group. It has all kinds of women with different backgrounds, relationships, children, personalities and yet the common denominator of being a mom. I have some women I like more than others but that's okay!

I highly recommend talking to moms when you are at kid-related functions with your boys. You can know pretty quickly whether you will hit it off with her or not.

Blogging has been very eye-opening for me and I'm very VERY glad to have met you! :)

Pinks and Blues said...

Louann,

You are the best! I would love to sit down to a nice cup of coffee with you too!! I love that you have boys and that you understand the things that I go through on a day-to-day basis! I love it.

I just wish we all lived near each other! Like right now, there is nothing more than I would love than to go out to a ladies lunch! But I know 3 little men will be calling in about one hour - nap time will be over!!

YOu're the best and I am so glad we have met!!

- Audrey
Pinks & Blues Girls

Mama G said...

I, too, would love to have a cup of coffee with you! And I'd answer all of your questions:

Yes, there are times I'd love to be a SAHM but unfortunately I'm just not cut out for it and am a better mom for working outside of the home.

I can only balance career and family because I'm blessed to have a boss that lets me put family first. I can leave the office without notice to go pick up my son, run errands, work at V's school, anything.

I no longer strive to be a ladder climber in my career. Because I became a mother at a later age, I had already achieved a good amount of success which has helped me build the trust with my boss. But I won't be getting any promotions any time soon - I'm happy with status quo so long as I get to continue to work part time and put the needs of my son first.

And finally, the biggest issue I have is keeping the house clean. And most of the time it isn't - but I'm okay with that. Or at least I try to talk myself in to believing I'm okay with it!!

http://chaoscontrol.wordpress.com

Jennboree said...

Oh, and as to what you might ask me, I do love being a SAHM mom though I tend to take it for granted. Then I had a dream the other night that I got a job and in the dream I missed my children so much that I cried my heart out!

I will work when both girls are in school, even if it is just to volunteer at their school.

I would love to know how YOU find balance in your life. How does it feel to be so young, married, mother of two, continuing education AND providing for your family? That is amazing.

Karen MEG said...

Louann, I stopped by via Pavel's blog and wow, what a thought-provoking post, touching on a lot of emotions that a LOT of women go through. It is difficult to balance family life, marriage and career. I'm looking at your amazing family (beautiful BTW) and how young you are and don't know how you do it!

I'm sort of on the fence right now; been a SAHM for about 2.5 years after getting my education (and my grad. degree while working and pregnant - don't know how I did it now that I look back) and career for over 14 years. I did feel a bit isolated while I was working and my son was in daycare; I only really got to know other moms like me once I started my maternity leave and volunteered at the school; then decided to stay home and enjoy several programs and mommy groups with my daughter as well. I've met a lot of women who have forged careers while at home, something that I'll likely do when my little one is in preschool.

But for now I'm just enjoying being home, as it was such long road to have both my kids, and life is so short. I agree that the blogosphere has so many of us like-minded women it would be nice if we could all get in a room every few weeks for some major coffee-talk and bonding!

Sophiagurl said...

just imagine all of us having coffee and sitting down together talking about our lives...that would be a really wonderful experience.

I love reading your posts about your family because i can feel and see (through your pictures) that you love them so much.

I do most of the time wish I were a SAHM. I wish to be the one to whom my daughters would want to be with, share secrets with, show and tell stories about school with. And it's really a balancing act, like most mothers I do not wish to climb the corporate ladder that much and there is really nothing wrong too if you do, especially if you have the talent and the passion for your work.

We, mothers, probably invented the word "multi-tasking" because we can juggle our family life, career and even have time to blog! Amazing isn't it that we can stretch our selves so far and yet still have time for socializing and recreation.

If I went up to Baguio I'd love to have coffee with you any day Louann! God bless you always!

Stepping Over the Junk said...

there is something to be said for knowing people who go through similar challenges. It is nice to know we arent completely alone in what we go through! chin up!

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Shoshana said...

Louann, very nice post. I understand this perfectly. I do find the rantings of single life somehow removed and not as interesting as mother's rant. I guess it's because being a mother, there are so much more worries which comes into play.

Not that rants of singlehood is not important, it's just that I don't have much time for it.

I am a type of person who's very happy to just keep my own company. I could go on for days and weeks not really talking to anyone except David and my kids. And somehow, that's enough. It has to do with all those books I read, want to read, and not having enough time to read them.

Chrissy said...

Oh, Louann! You are so sweet. I totally know what you mean. Though we don't have any kids yet *hoping that will change soon!*, I find that I miss all my friends that I left in Toronto and Montreal when I moved to 'the Island'. I've 'met' so many wonderful blogfriends and would love to one day meet some of them.

I'm so glad you found me via the P&B's blog. I feel very fortunate to have 'met' you! ;)

http://lifeonmanitoulin.blogspot.com/2007/08/throwback-thursday-7_08.html