Saturday, June 7, 2008

That Anger From Within

I got a message from one of my closest friends this afternoon. She was asking for prayers for Krystlle, her 14 year old niece (who I saw when she was growing up), who had cancer of the tissue. Krystelle had been in and out of the hospital for the past 5 months, the doctors advised against any sort of treatment since it seemed like it was too late already, the cancer had already spread.

I felt so sad.

After about an hour, my friend sent another message and said that Krystelle had passed away already.

How do you react to something like that. There was nothing I could say to make things less painful. What is there to say. There really isn't anything to say. It pains me to see people with cancer having to suffer. And it pains me more to see their loved ones left behind when they go.

Cancer is not easy. It is painful,in every aspect of it. But cancer patients are fighters. They give it one big fight and it is because of them that we are inspired to see life in a different way.

Cancer has hurt me. Cancer has pained me. Cancer has made me angry. Cancer has made me stronger. Cancer has hurt me.

Cancer took away my mom. It took away my grandfather. Cancer continues to take away so many special lives.

And I hate it.


Shoshana said...

I never know what to say either to someone who had lost a loved one. Sometimes, I think if you're just there, another warm body, it helps.

Sandy C. said...

I don't think there is anything to be said to make things less painful either. I think cancer has touched the lives of most people these days in some way.

I'm very sorry your loss.

C said...

Oh, Louann! I am so sorry to hear your news. Your post really got to me because it is something that hits close to home for me too.

I lost one of my favourite aunts to cancer. She and I were very close and it was so hard to see her go through that battle with cancer. She was even in remission for 11 years and then the cancer came back with a vengeance. I was even in the hospital room with her when she finally passed away. That has got to be the hardest thing I've ever had to go through.

Then not too long ago, I lost a very close friend of mine to cancer. She didn't even know she had cancer, and by the time it was detected, it was almost too late. I had already moved to the Island and she called me from Toronto. I got her message on the voicemail, but kept saying I'd call back tomorrow. She sent an e-mail, but never said what was going on. I told myself that I'd e-mail her tomorrow....Tomorrow never came. Before I knew it, our former boss from the school we taught at called me to tell me that she had passed away.

I cannot tell you how horrible I felt inside. I had full intentions of calling her and e-mailing her, but time just never seemed to permit me to. Now, I make time to call the people I love. I send them annoying e-mail messages to remind them of how special they are to me. I just never want to go through the guilt and horrible feelings I went through ever again.

Whew! Sorry about that! I didn't realize I had kept that all bottled in for ages!

Just know that you do what you can when your loved ones are alive and they'll know how much you love and care for them even when they're no longer with you.

Sending you lots of hugs!! XOXO