Monday, June 30, 2008

Things You'd Rather Not Have To Face

After 3 biopsies - lung aspiration, bone scan and lymph node samples -- the family finally got the answers. He had stage 4 cancer and they could no longer determine where the primary tumor originated. Whenever there would be free time during both our hectic schedules in the office, she would come to my table, hot cup of coffee in hand, she'd pull a chair and I'd bring out the biscuits. She'd talk and I would listen. She'd ask and I would try to answer. She would get teary eyed but her tears would never fall. I asked her why and she said she didn't ant anybody to see her crying, she wanted people to see her as someone strong.

I tried my best to bite my tongue but I felt I needed to say something. I told her I was that way a few years back, before I realized what true strength was. Everybody saw me as someone strong and I was sick of it. One day, I let loose. I cried and cried and cried and it felt much better. I shared with her my insights.

True strength isn't measured by out ability not to cry even in the most painful situations. For me, it's being able to express what you feel in front of other people because you know, in your heart that you are but human, You have feelings that cannot and should not be suppressed. But at the same time being able to regain composure and keep yourself together.

So i brought out the tissue. And she gave it a good cry.

Yesterday, she got a call from her sister. Her dad was in a worse condition. He could harldy breath anymore and could not sleep. He is 67 years old.

The family's initial decision was to forgo chemotherapy. After all, it would make him even weaker. But this morning, I got a message from my friend, sh was asking for the contact number of my Mom's oncologist. They decided to push through with some treatment.

This time, I bit my tongue. And kept my thoughts to myself.

Moments like these, I can't help but be thankful that those painful times in my life are over.


Ashley said...

*hugs* Wow. I couldn't even imagine...

Sandy C. said...

These are certainly the situations in life you hope to never have to endure, or see a friend endure as well. My heart goes out to her father and the family.