Unconditional

He cries Mama and runs to me.

I meet him with an embrace and he buries his head in my arms. His tears rolling down his cheeks wetting my shirt.

I hold him in my arms while telling him why I got angry.

He cries. Head still buried in my arms. While I talk he remains silent.

"Do you understand why you need to obey?" I ask.

Tears still rolling down, I feel him nod his head.

He looks up, "Mama?"

He Smiles.

I smile back.

We stay and enjoy our embrace.

Love. That's what its all about.

Rain, Rain Go 'Way

The fact that summer - sunny days, warm weather, dry roads, early sunrise -- has come to end has finally sank in. A storm was brewing over the pacific and was threatening to hit the country bringing cold, rainy days. We were gearing up for it but then the storm decided to veer towards Japan right before it was about to make landfall in the Philippines. A few weeks ago, our country was already hit by a typhoon.

Before all these drastic climate changes happening all over the world and when the seasons were quite predictable, the Philippines only had 2 seasons, the wet and the dry season. June - October brought about stormy weather with and average of 8-10 typhoons battering the country. November - May would bring drier months with February bringing the lowest temperatures and come March, warm sunshine would fill the days.

Today, one cannot even plan a decent trip to the beach because of very unpredictable weather. April and May used to be months for planning trips to the seaside to cool off while dipping in the water. My laundry schedule has been very erratic - and I dislike it very much - because most of the time it rains in the afternoon and I usually wash clothes after work and hang them up on the clothesline outside through the night.

Rainy weather depresses me. The lack of sunshine does not make me happy.

Sleep Tight

I have always practiced co-sleeping. All three of them have slept beside me from birth until they are about big enough not to cry when they see that I am not beside them when they get up in the morning. In my case now, my youngest is the one who still sleeps beside me. refer to older post: his umbilical cord is still attached to me.

I gotta say that I can't help but compare their movements during the night.

The eldest would move a lot and would ask for 2 or 3 bottles thru the night until he was about 3. The second one would hardly move! He was a very well behaved bedmate who stopped asking for a bottle during the night when he was about 2. The littlest one, who happens to be my current snuggling buddy is, I have to say, the most active one!  Thankfully, he also has stopped drinking milk thru the night before he turned 2. But thru the night, I often wake up to a kick in my back or a hand on my face or his head on my tummy.

As I speak, his left foot is on top of the keypad of my laptop.

Goodnight.

5

 I've always said this and I will never stop saying this, YOU came at the perfect time. 5 years ago you made your debut into this world. Little did I know that you would rock my world.

You were such an easy baby and little did I know that you were just gearing up for your toddler years where you would test my patience every single time! Without any effort, you never fail to make me smile. You naturally make me laugh. You make me high.

You are my Dash. My not little anymore but not quite big enough guy.

You are my world and I Love You!

Happy Birthday Little Big Guy!

Totally Random

Re-read my blog entries. Couldn't help but notice misspelled words or sentences with what may seem like grammatical errors. A very telling sign of who I am. Always rushing. Must proof read.
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I can't help but wonder where all the other blogger friends I made years ago are now? When I took a break from blogging, I thought I was the only one. I didn't think a lot of other bloggers would stop writing too. Have you all completely stopped writing or have you just moved to another site? I would love to hear from you again! You know who you are!
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On the other hand, I am glad that there are still some who have stayed and who still came back to read my blog after being gone for quite some time. Hi C and Alicia!
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I am also happy to have met a new blogger friend, Al!

Recap: An OMG Weekend

It all started on Friday. My tummy started rumbling and I started to feel it getting queasy. Incidentally, I also got a call from the company with whom I have an active employment application and they informed me that I had an interview at 7pm that night. It was a cold rainy night, I had a restless tummy but I sill went to get it over with.
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I got there around 20 minutes to 7 but ended up waiting for more than an hour because the regional HR director (who starts his shift at &pm) was not yet there. Filipino time they say! He finally arrived a little before 8pm and he immediately called me to his office. It was a nice, informal but very concise interview where I was able to express a lot of what has been bottled up inside me - mainly my sentiments on where I believe my career is at this point. I enjoyed it. Mainly because I love talking haha. I was trying to assess his opinion of me but I couldn't quite dig deeper into his body language and facial expressions. Polite man, I should say. The interview was done by around 8:20, I think.
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So I got home and again, headed straight to the bathroom. Queasy tummy, remember? And it didn't end there. When I got up on Saturday, I felt drained. I had woken up 3 or 4 times before that. I still did the laundry but I found myself always rushing to the bathroom. By Saturday afternoon, I was confined to my bed feeling all weak already. I tried to drink tea and eat some crackers but I ended up throwing it all up. I had no more appetite to eat by then. Come Saturday night, I couldn't sleep because my tummy kept waking me up. By 2 or 3AM of Sunday I was already crying. Seriously, I thought I was going to die. I'm sorry for the exaggeration but that's how I really felt. Come Sunday morning, I tried to drink Gatorade and hydrite but I was feeling very weak already. Scared of dehydration, I finally said I needed to go to the hospital. So Jet the husband brought me to the ER. Negative for any amoeba, the very young doctor (she was schoolmate during my elementary days and she was like 4 years younger than me!!) diagnosed me with acute gastroenteritis. Look it up. I was honestly skeptical about her diagnosis because she didn't even ask me for my history! What I ate, when it first occur ed, etc. Aren't those basic questions!!! ANYWAY. She just prescribed meds that would help relax the stomach spasms felt. Jet suggested we go to another hospital but I was just plain tired but at the same time, thankful I didn't have to be confined. The rest of Sunday was spent either in the bathroom or on my bed. I only got up to cook dinner.
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When I woke up the next day, I felt a lot better. Still having frequent visits to the bathroom but I felt a bit more hydrated having been able to keep and apple and a slice of toast down with gagging it out or flushing it out. Thank God for His healing hands!
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As I look back, getting sick is no joke. Again, I was reminded -- I felt so frustrated with the stomach flu I got the symptoms that came with it but it was nothing compared to what my Mom, a lung cancer patient had to endure. Again, I couldn't help but be thankful still.
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So it's back to work for me tomorrow. Blech.

Wishful Thinking

I've heard about workaholics. I've read about them too. I've met a few of them as well. So what do you call their complete opposites? I wanna know because I think that I am exactly their opposite. Good or bad? I don't know. I just got to start thinking about it because lately, I have been wanting another break from work. With summer almost ending, I can't help but want to be able to make a short trip somewhere where I can escape my reality! No, I am not lazy. I know this because in a day I can get a lot done but I cannot compare myself to workaholics who exist because of their work. I love my work, yes I do. I enjoy it. But it isn't my life. For a time I thought it could be but I realized that there are so much more important things that come before my work. Seriously. Like I wouldn't batt an eyelash if I had to decide whether to take a leave to watch my sons school program or to go to work instead. Or even with my health, when I seriously feel ill, I do not force myself to get up and get ready and report for work. Stuff like that. And as mentioned earlier, I look for little breaks in between without feeling guilty.

I hope a short break could be right around the corner. With my boss gone for the past 6 weeks, I guess I've been feeling this because the bulk of the work has been on my shoulders.

Attached

Apparently, they forgot to cut the umbilical cord at the hospital when I gave birth over 2 years ago. I mean, he is completely attached to me. It always has to be Mama. Nobody else but Mama. Mama bubunch (take a bath), Mama amam (eat), Mama come. Everything Mama. I love this boy but sometimes - or a lot of times, I just feel so constrained to do things I need to do and want to do. Like 2 days ago when I went jogging, while I was out he woke up and found that I was no longer beside him. His world collapsed. So when I got home, hubby and his older brothers were trying to tame him down. But when he saw me, everything was suddenly fine. It's a whole drama episode when I have to leave the house like for work and he has to stay behind. No amount of bribing gets him. I have tried gummy bears, putting in a DVD for him to watch, talking to him nicely, using a stern voice - to no avail. He controls me!

It's a phase. He'll get over it. I know.

WANTED: Cook

Wanna know something? I hate cooking. Or possibly the other way around. Whatever. I just do not like it. Make scrub the bathroom floors, do the laundry - I love doing the laundry, sweep the floors and dust the shelves just do not make me cook. I used to want to learn how to cook especially after watching cooking shows on TV - which make cooking look like the easiest thing in the world - but it just never turns out the way it should be! Boo me.

But I do cook because I have to! Or my family will go hungry haha. It's just something that I do not look forward to doing. Seriously. Like right now, at 6AM I am dreading the fact that I will have to whip up something again for dinner and hope that my family will like it.

So, am I the only one who feels this way?

What The Heck Am I Doing??!

I'm a career woman. Now that sounds weird. Anyway, I need to believe that I am because I have never stopped working since I first got a job and since then, I have pretty much been taking it seriously. In the first place, hectic as it is, I must admit, the mere fact that I've been doing this for the past 7 years means that I am obviously enjoying it - much as I would want to pretend otherwise. Although allow me to say that I have always also had the desire to be a housewife. That's another topic.

I stayed at my first job for 3 1/2 years. I got that job when I was turning 22 but when I reached the age of 25, I was feeling restless and felt that I needed "more challenges," etc. I found myself leaving my first job and moving to another company - which in fairness, offered better pay, benefits and career opportunities as compared to my previous job. 4 years down the road, I have found myself searching once again for other better career opportunities. What is this?? Is this human nature's selfish character of discontentment? At first, I submitted my CV to test the waters and assess my marketability. A week had passed and I didn't hear from them so I told myself this wasn't meant to be. This afternoon, I got a call from them scheduling me for an interview and they sent me the link for me to take the online exams at home. And guess what, yes, I just finished taking their on line tests.

I will not panic. Anyway, I do not need to decide at this point. I shall cross the bridge when I get there even if the bridge is right around the corner.

Summer

Thought of posting pictures of the kids of what they've been doing for summer as it slowly comes to an end. As it comes to a close, just like me when I was a kid, they will have in their hearts memories they will forever cherish and remember. Summers should always be memorable.

Again and Again ----- Over and Over

So how do you deal with a routine to the point that it practically bores you to the grave? Yep, I am bored. A few people have reminded me that boring is in a way, good. It may mean that you are doing things the way they should be done. But it doesn't change the fact that I am bored. It's the same thing day in and day out be it at home or in the office.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Just The Way I Like It

When I had my eldest 9 years ago, I could not imagine having mother baby. A first time mother at 19 did not appeal to me at all. It was difficult and confusing. I had no idea what I was doing. I was too scared to bathe the baby, I didn't know what to do when the baby would not want to stop crying, I would be way too panicky when the baby would catch a cold or would down with a fever. But, by God's grace, I survived. By the time he was 3, both my husband and I were already working and sort of picked up the hang of parenthood so I wanted another baby.

4 years after having my first baby, I gave birth to my second boy. Calmer the second time around, I felt that I sorta knew what to do to calm him down, I was excited more than worried when I gave him cereals for the first time. It became more exciting when my 2 boys slowly started to interact and play with each other. This was fun, I thought. People would ask me if I planned on having another one, a girl perhaps? And at the back of my mind, I kept thinking, am I done with having kids? Will I have one more? If I do, when? I had a feeling of being incomplete. That I wasn't done yet. But my prayer was, "Lord, if I am to have another baby, please give it to me before I turn 30." I just felt that I didn't want to go through pregnancy when I was older.

4 years before turning 30, I gave birth to my 3rd son. And since the day I gave birth to him, I have had gazillions of people asking me if we would still try for not just another one, but this time a girl in particular.

The answer is NO. For a person outside my situation, one would think yes why not, have another one. Have more in fact! But this time, I have found myself in perfect contentment. I have never felt this complete in my entire life. I really don't care if I have 3 sons. I love it in fact. I am the queen of the jungle.

I like it just the way it is. I couldn't ask for more.

Again, With Much Love.

Happy Mother's Day o all the mommies, mama's, ma's, nanay's, inay's out there!

It's a thankless job. It's a tiring task. It's a heavy responsibility. 

It entails sleepless nights. It means hardwork. It means heartbreaks.

It brings us tears. It brings us so much joy. It fills our hearts with love.

It makes us proud. It reminds us of our worth. It brings a smile to our face.

Motherhood.

It can never be defined. It will never be defined. 

It is what it is. It will be known forever.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mommies, mama's, ma's, nanay's, inay's out there!

Reminder

Pssst..Guess what? You wanna know something? I can't wait for my hands to be baby free.

There. I blurted it out. Am I being selfish? 

On most days, I wish I didn't have to be constantly chasing after a toddler who refuses to bathe or have to carry an 18lbs 2 year old - given that I am only 4'11, it is a constant struggle to be able to carry such a heavy sack of potatoes with ease and poise without my hair covering my face or trickle of sweat beads running down my temples. Or having to eat with a baby on my lap who is constantly also wanting to mess up the food on the plate. It is tiring. 

Someday, I will miss all of this. I may look back on all this and wish that I embraced this experience more. So i say to myself right now - be thankful, seize the moment.

Today (What a Boring Post Title! - Too Lazy to Think of a More Catchy One)

I wanted to post summer pictures of the kids since I haven't posted shots in a while but blogger seemed to think otherwise. It was taking forever to upload the photos and it's getting late (9:41pm at this moment) and I have to get up at 5:10am tomorrow to jog. Woot woot! Can't believe I have finally started the ball rolling! I have been telling myself to start exercising but never got to do it. Now that my youngest is 2, I am think it's about time to start losing the extra weight because the excuse "I'm fat because I just gave birth" is already unacceptable. Boo!

Today was a pretty productive day at work for me with a few instances where I almost (again) lost my patience. Ughh, I need to work on this. I am extremely impatient! Which I know is a no - no especially since I am an HR practitioner. Tomorrow I will lengthen my shoestrings, will count to 10 before reacting and will pray when I feel the want to snap.

I got to read articles of how Bin Laden was finally tracked down by the U.S. and I really do not know what to make of it. Many say they don't believe Bin Laden was actually hunted down and killed, some say it's possible. I can't exactly say where I stand but one thing I am sure of is, this world is not going to be a safer place to live in with what had just happened. It's a scary thought because i am sure in one way or another, there will be Bin Laden followers who will retaliate. The "number one enemy of the US" may be gone, but terrorism is still very, very much alive.

Can't believe I still have 2 more days of work. Torn between whether I want the week to go faster or for it to slow down. My boss is on leave because she was operated on and so far I have been liking it a lot. No, it's not because I can become a delinquent employee (Hah I wish), it's just that I feel like I am very well able to spread my wings without constraint and do what I have to do without the feeling that there are a pair of eyes staring down on me. I have nothing against my boss at all - maybe I just work better under circumstances like this.

So, how was your day?

The New Me -- Hopefully, That Is

They say, for women, 30 is the mid-life crisis of men when they're 40. True? I could never relate to that a few years ago. But with the inevitable fast approaching, I am beginning to realize it as a truth.

I find myself being more and more conscious about my skin - especially the skin on my face and the fine lines that are starting to become more and more evident! Lately, I have been spending on anti-aging skin care products and strictly making it my daily and nightly regimen. In the past, I would buy a bottle of moisturizer here and a tube of eye cream there and then would forget it on the shelf and only remember about it months or even years after.

I have been also very religious about taking my Vit C and Vit E tablets and other anti oxidant food supplements.

And for the first time in my 4 year stay with the company I work for, this is the only year I went for my annual physical check up. I have been more and more conscious about my health as well. Eating more vegetables and fruits and trying to cut down on junk food although I must admit that a good, fat, juicy burger will always be my weakness. This week, I also started to jog. Just a 20 minute jog from our house down to the satellite market and back. Running has been so the "in" things lately by the way, but I am in it to shed off the unwanted pounds!

And lastly, I am declaring my desire to quit smoking. Yes, there, I said it. For so long I have been mum about this yucky, icky addiction. I want to stop it. I hope I can kick the habit. SOON.