Saturday, May 14, 2011
Just The Way I Like It
When I had my eldest 9 years ago, I could not imagine having mother baby. A first time mother at 19 did not appeal to me at all. It was difficult and confusing. I had no idea what I was doing. I was too scared to bathe the baby, I didn't know what to do when the baby would not want to stop crying, I would be way too panicky when the baby would catch a cold or would down with a fever. But, by God's grace, I survived. By the time he was 3, both my husband and I were already working and sort of picked up the hang of parenthood so I wanted another baby.
4 years after having my first baby, I gave birth to my second boy. Calmer the second time around, I felt that I sorta knew what to do to calm him down, I was excited more than worried when I gave him cereals for the first time. It became more exciting when my 2 boys slowly started to interact and play with each other. This was fun, I thought. People would ask me if I planned on having another one, a girl perhaps? And at the back of my mind, I kept thinking, am I done with having kids? Will I have one more? If I do, when? I had a feeling of being incomplete. That I wasn't done yet. But my prayer was, "Lord, if I am to have another baby, please give it to me before I turn 30." I just felt that I didn't want to go through pregnancy when I was older.
4 years before turning 30, I gave birth to my 3rd son. And since the day I gave birth to him, I have had gazillions of people asking me if we would still try for not just another one, but this time a girl in particular.
The answer is NO. For a person outside my situation, one would think yes why not, have another one. Have more in fact! But this time, I have found myself in perfect contentment. I have never felt this complete in my entire life. I really don't care if I have 3 sons. I love it in fact. I am the queen of the jungle.
I like it just the way it is. I couldn't ask for more.