OMG. It's September already.

I'm back. I hope. I can't believe where the whole of August went. The "ber" months are here and soon Christmas will be just around the corner. Last weekend a typhoon passed out city leaving so much damage and the rains had been pouring since then. The sun only decided to come out today.

Many things have been happening. For one, the husband has been applying for a job and we are praying that he does get this one he has been called back for for a final interview. I am the more anxious one I think. Three kids is a lot of financial responsibility. And deny it or not, one working parents salary will never be enough.

Anyway, everything else has been the same old. With the 2 older kids going to school and the littlelest one growing to be a fine young little boy.

How have you been?

My Growing Boy

He has one heck of an appetite. This 9 year old of mine can't get enough of anything!! He munched down a Bully Boy Burger - three beef patties in between 2 burger buns.

The New Pet

The kids have a pet. Note how I am trying my best not to include myself in the ownership of the new pet. It's a dog. The cousin of my Aunt gave it to her and since we have a very domineering grown dog owned by my Aunts who live downstairs, my Aunt decided that it would be best if the puppy stayed upstairs with us since we have a gate that will separate it from the big domineering dog named Bugs.

(Don't we just love kids fashion???)

My kids love him. We they have not yet come up with an official name for it yet. I love it that my kids love the new member of the family. My only apprehension is the attachment it will cause. It is inevitable and I am dreading it.

A TV channel once featured "The best jobs in the world" which mainly focused on jobs in the US. Jobs like that of eBay where employees are actually encouraged to buy stuff from eBay. If you were a shopper like me, I'm sure you'd want that job too! Another job was at some sport equipment manufacturer where employees had to be out of the office at least half of the day trying out their various products from surf boards to bicycles. For a sports enthusiast, I am sure one would die for this job.

My dream job would be something that would have to do with travel. Maybe a host of a travel show or a professional blogger who writes about the many wonders of the world. Traveling is such a rich experience regardless of age. Exposure to other cultures allows us to appreciate so many things - things we do not have and things we already have. It becomes an experience like no other where we get to absorb the many wonders the world has to offer which we usually fail to see because of the busy, busy worlds we allow ourselves to get absorbed in.

I'd write about the beauty of the city where I live, how it was named as the Summer Capital of the Philippines by the Americans in the 1940's when life in the country's capital of Manila became too hot thus pushing the Americans to look for a cooler place to hold National Assemblies, etc. It is a small city with old timers who comfortably live a slow paced life. In the years that have past, Baguio City has developed into its own identity. One may say it has lost the old, rustic small city life with the entrance of big malls, franchised restaurants and I would have to agree that in a way Baguio is not the old Baguio anymore. But there are still places in Baguio that one can still go to to enjoy Baguio as it has. Good food is what Baguio can also boast about especially if you know where to go.

Chocolate cake and Chicken and Chips at Honey in The Rock.

Restaurants that offer good food in Baguio are usually owned by families who have been in the business for generations. Years ago when life was simpler, these restaurants were places families would go to when there would be special occasions like a birthday or if someone graduated. Now a days, eating out has become nothing but normal. Other good places to go to for food would be Omai Khan, Rosebowl, Forest House or Mario's. 

 Food at Forest House

The Philippines has also so much more to offer especially the beaches since we are surrounded by the Pacific Ocean and the China Sea. Just an hour away from Baguio is the province of La Union which has  black sand beaches. When we want to escape reality on a rather low budget and with just 2 days to spend, we head of to the beaches of La Union. 

Heading Home

We are heading home today! Jet's IV has been removed and we are waiting for the discharge orders from the doctor. He is in a cast already and will have it on for the next 3 weeks. He will have to go for rehab after his cast has been removed. Bad news is, he will have to be operated on again after 3 months to remove the screws! Boo.
Thank you all for your prayers and kind thoughts.

Where We Are

We're still at the hospital. Jet's surgery lasted for about 3 hours and stayed i the recovery room for about an hour and half. Regardless of what the case is, to have a loved on in the hospital can be very stressful. The emotions one feels can become very overwhelming. For me, it also brings back a whole lot of memories of Mom and Dad and their days spent in the hospital.

Anyway, so far, Jet has been recovering pretty well although he is still in pain. We also learned from the doctor that Jet will need to be operated on after about 3 months to remove the screws - which upon finding out turned Jet's mood very sour. 

Hopefully we get to go home by tomorrow. Crossing fingers!!

Off We Go

We're off to the hospital today and will be staying there for at least 4 days. Eeeep. This is Jet's first time in his 30 years of life to be hospitalized so he is totally freaked out. I really pray his surgery goes well, there will be no complications and he will recover fast. Am I asking for too much??

In the meantime, here are some photos of the littlelest guy when we went to do some errands last weekend

Of Things That Happened

We came from the doctor yesterday - to have Dash's wound cleaned and to talk to Jet's ortho sugeon.

Dash's wound is healing very well although his pedia still wants it covered so as to avoid any bacterial infection. He hardly feels any pain now so I think he will be OK.

On to the more serious matter. We got to talk to Jet's ortho surgeon who has decided to operate on him Wednesday morning. He will be doing 3 procedures - and I do not really remember the medical terms - but he will basically be doing an elbow reconstruction. I asked the doctor how bad it was and the doctor said, "very." Sheesh. The radial head of his elbow was shattered but the doctor will never really know the extent of the damage until he opens it up. If the radial head was damaged by only about 30%, then it will not require anything major but if more than that was damaged then the surgeon will have to use a couple of titanium screws to put things in place. Jet will have to stay in the hospital for about 3-4 days, will be in a cast for 4-6 weeks and will need rehab for about 3 months.

Meanwhile, I didn't get that job I was applying for at the other company and I didn't get the promoted at work this year.

Set backs aside, everything else is OK.

Happy Sunday everyone.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

On Monday morning, we rushed my 5 year old son to the ER. He accidentally spilled his very hot soup on his right thigh. He was very brave and didn't cry. The doctors cleaned his wounds and wrapped it in a bandage. He was a trooper. He is ok now and will be brought for follow up check up tomorrow.

Tuesday was my birthday.

On Wednesday, my husband and 9 year old son went to play basketball. A little before 5PM, my husband called and said he was on his way to the ER again! I left work and rushed to the hospital. Unfortunately, my husband suffered a bad fall. Upon confirmation from the doctors, based on the x-ray results, he suffered an elbow fracture. It is swelling until now so right now he is just in a semi cast. By tomorrow, we will know if and when he will be operated on since the radial plate of his elbow was shattered.

Its Essence

Today officially marks the end of the first half of the year. Whenever I have my own quiet time, I always find myself thinking of how I have been spending my time. I think I give a lot of importance to how one's time is spent. When I was younger - carefree and self centered, I could sit around for hours and hours and hours doing nothing, thinking of nothing. My goodness, I cannot go back to those days and imagine how much time was wasted on absolutely nothingness (if there is such a word)!

Soon, Christmas songs will fill the air. My kids will soon turn a year older again. The rainy season will end and we will welcome summer into our lives again. We will welcome a new year again.

Time goes by. Our lives go by. I want to make it worth looking back on.

Tid Bits

Words that come out of my mouth most of the time when at home:

NO!

STOP!

ENOUGH!

Talk about being more positive!!!

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I just realized that I have a fascination for names that start with the letter "D." I was watching a show and the name of the baby was Daxton. I loved the name. I initially wanted to name my second son Dathan - but I realized that Dathan in the Bible was swallowed up by the earth. I believe in the importance of a name. So I decided not to name him that. I still gave him a name that starts with the letter D.  I also always liked the name Dustin as in Dustin Hoffman.

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I can't help but wonder why after more than a month of jogging, I haven't lost weight! How many minutes and how many heart beats per minute must I maintain in order to say that my workout was "successful?" On the other hand, I must also control my food consumption!! Argghh.

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I am starting to seriously potty train my toddler. He is now 2 years and 4 months old and I feel he is ready. He is the youngest one among my 3 boys who started potty training. My eldest took the longest to train at 3 years and 4 months! Getting rid of diapers will cut down a lot on my monthly budget. So, wish me all the luck!

Eastern Parenting : How It Was For Me

I would love to read this. Why? Because I can relate to it although I cannot say that I have had the same exact experience as the daughters of the author but in a way, I was raised in a family where we were never to settle for nothing but excellent.

Perfection is something not foreign to me. It was my goal for many years when I was much younger. Although my dad was careful enough to stay away from directly telling me that he wanted nothing but perfection, I could read in between the lines. The way he would make me repeat things if he didn't seem pleased with the way it was done, to his facial expressions that painted disappointment when I would present him with my scores of schoolwork / homework that weren't perfect or his rhetorical dispositions when he would be intoxicated where his tongue loosened up and finally expressed his desire for perfection in everything.

My parents always made me feel loved. That is not a question and never will be. But please don't ask me why love and acceptance do not quite add up - in my case, that is. I always felt loved but I never felt that I was good enough. When I would do something wrong, I would never hear the end of it. If I did something good / commendable / that deserved recognition, I would never hear appreciation. Like it was nothing special.

Criticisms never ended. When I was criticized for something and would do my best to improve on it, my Dad would move on to the next. It never ended. He would tell me that he always believed in me, that I was talented, that I had so much potential. As I look back on those times, those things he told me is what I believe carried me through. I may have used those to build my confidence.

I know my parents wanted me to have a normal childhood as possible, given that I was an only child. My playmates were mostly my cousins. Unlike kids in my 4th grade class, I never owned a Nintendo. I only had 1 Barbie doll while my other classmates had at least 5. I also took piano lessons. I was enrolled in ballet and taekwondo. When I got to highschool and felt a bit too old for ballet, I wasn't allowed to stop until I reached toe class. In taekwondo I got my blackbelt as well.

No matter how much my parents would tell me how much I could achieve, there would always be the phrase "if only you would be..." attached to it. So despite the slight morale boosts once in a while, I was more insecure than confident. I always found myself unsure of myself. I always craved for assurance that what I was doing was right, that what I was doing was correct, etc. And when I would "fail," instead of taking it on as a greater challenge, I would tell myself "that's what you get because you don't deserve it anyway."

For years I have been battling with so many insecurities.  I find it difficult to believe in myself even when people around me say otherwise.

It's a choice I guess on how a child will take on how his/her parents raise them. I chose to rebel although not intentionally. I found myself drinking and smoking at the age of 14. I skipped school. I got myself pregnant at 19.  And in my mind I thought, there, see? I am really not perfect.

So maybe the choice I made is one of my bigger regrets. Young and impulsive, I chose not to see it as something for my own good. I didn't choose to find happiness in how my parents were raising me. I decided to go the other way. The road usually traveled. I ended up lost. And there, I brought more disappointment to my parents, my Dad especially. And in a way, I paved my own unhappiness - at that time.

At almost 30, I am just slowly starting to shake off the excess baggage. I have so much. I am slowly trying to accept myself for who I am. I want to be able to say that I can do so much but I am taking those steps rather slowly. I know I don't have much time to wallow in my past. I have 3 kids to think of. I need to discover how I will raise them. Hard as it is to admit, I have developed some "Chinese Mom" characteristics (more on that in another post) and I am battling with whether I should try dropping those practices altogether.


I really don't know if it has done me any good. I would want to believe that it has.

This Is It

How I wish I could be like most people who happily say that as they look back on their life, they have no regrets whatsoever about anything. Wow. I have tons of regrets which I am slowly coming to terms so that I get to let go of so much anger and bitterness bottled up inside me. A few years ago, I would say that I had no regrets but after years of reflection and realizations, I told myself that I had to be true to myself.

On the few occasions where the kids complaining & whining die down, the rants of the husband seem to tame down and I find my world quieting down, I get to listen to my heart - to its rumbling and its tears rolling down and there I find myself in touch with my more human side. I am able to pour out a lot of my "oh how I wish" feelings. I no longer cringe at those thoughts. Instead I choose to come face to face with it and look them in the eye. They scare me sometimes but I choose not to pack them away in an old chest and hide it away from my heart. I'm stronger now, older now and more determined. When I feel my heart about to break, I don't hold it back anymore. I allow it to- because that what will make me more and more of a person. I know it will heal.

So here I am trying be more of myself day by day. This time truer. More human.

For Their Dad

The boys look up to you

They like copying you

They enjoy it when you rumble and tumble with them

There's never a dull moment spent with you

But no one ever said you were perfect

Yet, they love you

You are for them, the best

Happy Father's Day!

When It Rained, It Poured

I promised myself that part of my going back to blogging included my being true to myself and since this blog is open to the public, I understand that whatever I write here may be read by anyone in the world. But again, this blog is for me to express myself and write down whatever it is I feel.

Almost more than a year ago, the storms came. They came without giving me any time to recover from the previous one. They left broken branches, piles of pine needles and they left scars in my heart. Unable to recuperate fast, I found myself slowly withdrawing from my own self starting drown myself in my own sorrows and slowly spiraling down into the dungeon of self pity. Months passed and the rains got stronger and the winds blew harder. I was beginning to accept the fact that I would be living in a stormy world, one where I would never see the sun shine anymore.

People could not sense I was being battered by so many storms. Maybe I was that good at putting up a front. But inside, in my little secret world that I built I was drenched in the rain.

On New Year's Eve, my eyes tired of crying the truth dawned upon me and that when I realized that I did have a choice. I could decide whether or not I still wanted to see the sun. Not for the sake of my kids nor my husband but for myself.

Coming out of the rain was not easy, in fact on some occasions I still feel a little drizzle once in a while and still hear the soft clapping of the thunder. Every once in a while I still fear that the storms may come again but for now, at least I see the rainbow.

Thinking

I've been trying to decide whether to start giving my 9 year old 3rd grader an allowance. Since he started school, I have always bought him his snacks which he brings to school. Since he started gradeschool, I have been hearing more and more stories from him about his classmates buying their snack at their canteen. In fairness to their school, they are strict about the food their concessionaire sells. No junk food and chocolates. I have been to their canteen and have seen the food they serve. For his lunch, I buy lunch stubs which he uses to buy his lunch.

As far as I can remember, when I was younger i always had an allowance. It was always my choice whether to spend it all on what I wanted to buy in school or to save a part of it.

I really don't know why I never practiced it with my son wen he started school. Sometimes I think I should start giving him an allowance so that he starts appreciating the concept of saving. On the other hand, I am also a bit apprehensive for reasons I am not really sure of.

More Of These Puhleeeezz

I've been on leave from work since Monday. I have been lovin' every single breathing second of it! This week, I did the laundry leisurely without rushing. Just plain enjoying the whole soaking time, washing time, rinsing time and spinning time. I also got to do some gardening which for me was sort of symbolic especially when I was pulling out the unwanted weeds. Just like pulling out the unwanted weeds in my life! I got to meet up with our Pastor as well. I have been bringing my children to school and picking them up as well. Last Monday I was able to make lasagna and this afternoon I got to prepare guacamole with corn chips. Very simple things I give so much importance to because when I have work, it's as if there are so many things going on that I always find myself rushing to finish things because i feel like there are a million other things to do after I finish one thing.

Aside from those I have mentioned, I was also able to go to the grocery at 9 freakin' o clock in the morning!! How awesome is that? I usually run to the grocery during my lunch break, so much as I love doing the grocery, I am always as usual rushing. I also got to watch X-Men First Class - cool movie which has gotten me very interested in this whole Professor X - Magneto thing which never appealed to me in the past! And then I also got to watch The Rite. And am half way through The Hangover 2.

Ahhh. I have 3 more days to go and I plan to make the most out of it. And oh yes, because I am home most of the time, I have decided to start trying to potty train the littlelest one! So far the peeing has been v. successful (knock on wood I don't want to jinx myself!) The pooping can come later.

I Love This.

On Keeping Toddlers Busy

How far would you go to keep your toddler quiet and behaved especially when in an important situation. Today the husband and I went to meet with our pastor and we had to bring Arrow - the demanding 2 year old with us. Even if we knew it would have been better not to tag him along, we had no choice. As usual, at the beginning Arrow was well behaved probably still warming up. Half way thru, he started to get restless. So I gave him my cellphone which kept him busy for a nano second. Then i tried talking him to him properly and politely but to no avail. While whining, he discovered the pack of facial tissue in my bag. Thankfully, he kept quiet. But it was because he kept pulling out and pulling out sheets and sheets of tissue. When there was a whole pile in front of him, he started tearing them into strips. My husband who was sitting in front of me started to widen his eyes as if trying to tell me to do something to make Arrow stop. But our Pastor was in the middle of sharing something important and Arrow was keeping quiet with his wonderful activity of making a mess in the pastors office and so I didn't want to disrupt him because I also wanted to listen to what our Pastor was saying. It kept Arrow busy for a few minutes and when he started to show signs of boredom again, I taught him t make tissue paper balls! The Pastors table was full of tissue paper balls. The floor was scattered with tissue paper balls.

Sometimes in the restaurant it's all about allowing him to gulp down his iced tea or lemonade even before the food arrives just to keep him seated. Other times its opening a pack of forbidden chips when having to keep him behaved during a long car trip.

With 3 kids down the lane, I always have something new to learn.

In The News

Watching the evening news is a routine for us. We automatically put it on news at 6:30PM. I am beginning to wonder if I should just stop watching it because I get so annoyed, irritated, affected and most of all depressed by everything I watch!

With the opening of classes this week, a lot of the news stories focus on the current educational situation of public schools in the country. The public school system in the Philippines is like no other. Yes tuition fee is about 100% or more cheaper than if you enrolled your child in a private school but you get your moneys worth. In a class, there are about 65 pupils crammed into a classroom good for 40 students. Because there are too many pupils, there are not enough tables and chairs and books. A book may have to be shared by 4 children. This evening, they featured a public school somewhere in metro Manila where there were just too many pupils in a classroom that the chairs had to be crammed inside leaving no floor space. So the teacher was actually standing on the arm chairs of the children! It totally broke my heart. And then in one school in the Visayas, located far from the city proper they only had 3 teachers so graces 1&2 had to be combined, 3&4 together and grade 5&6 as well. I do not want to get into the news feature on the current condition of the bathrooms of the schools. Too sad.

What is this? How do we expect the next generation to create a brighter future? It breaks my heart so bad. I wish my children would appreciate what they have instead of taking it all for granted.  I can't help but wonder if there is a chance for things to change. Education is so important but how can one learn properly if the environment for learning is not conducive? This a problem that needs to be addressed and there should be a follow through. If our President is serious about reforming the country,  I hope he realizes which areas he needs to give primary focus to.

There must be hope.

Sweets Galore!

We had lunch over at my in-laws today. My MIL was there, 2 of my husbands aunts, 2 of his uncles and a few of my kids' cousins. The grandmother of my husband was there too- the great grandmother of my kids. She is a very sweet lady who loves her family and who gets so excited about seeing all of her grand and great grand kids. She is starting to become more and more forgetful though. Like every time we pay a visit to their family home -  which isn't very often - she can never remember who we are! Going back, I said she is a very sweet lady who enjoys seeing her family together.

But each time we go visit her, she always has these handful of candies and sweets for my kids! And worse, she likes seeing them gobble 'em up down even before eating their meals! Sorry. I love it that she loves my kids and I love seeing her so excited around them. But over flowing candies and chocolates? Eat them all up at once? No thanks please! She can't hear that well anymore as well so polite as I want to be, I sometimes have to speak a bit louder just so that she can hear me saying, "Please for crying out loud stop with the sweets! Tonsillitis galore!" "Please lola, not to much candies for the kids. We don't really allow them that much sweets in a month!" Oh gosh. So I glare stare at my husband waiting for him to say or do something to save my poor kids' appetite and tonsils! We tried to hide the can full of sweets from my grandmother - in - law and when she couldn't find it, she went to her room and got more unopened packs of candies!

Now that it's over, I find myself laughing at how silly we were a while ago. But when it was happening, I was irritated / annoyed / panicky especially since the littlest one could not be talked out of not shoving down eating all those candies. Thank God he forgot about the other sweets his great grandma stashed inside his pocket. It's really difficult to be straightforward with other people about the rules you impose on your kids since Pinoy culture gives very big importance to respect for elders PLUS, we have the tendency to agree just so that. Ugghh.

I hope the 2 glasses of water I made the little gulp down will keep the tonsillitis away!