Friday, March 30, 2007

Quite a Sensitive Topic - I Think?

I have a question. Do parents really have favorites when it comes to their kids? Seriously. I am an only child so I grew without any "competition" and the attention of both my parents was basically centered on me. Now that "only child syndrome" is another sensitive topic haha. No but seriously, I would want to know.
Mom's out there with more than one kiddo? Are you there? I can't quite feel anything like that yet because my boys are spaced so far apart and both have very different needs. Like the little one is still a baby (oh c'mon his 1st birthday is still 2 months away - something I am dreading also by the way) who needs the attention when he is playing - he might put something in his mouth that may cause him to choke, needs the attention when he is climbing and trying to cruise - balance not yet perfect so there is a chance he may knock his head, needs the attention during feeding time, etc. The 5 year old boy on the other hand needs attention in different ways too. When he is playing, we try our best to play with him, when he practices writing or reading we make it a point to pay full attention to him or when he is washing his hands, we make sure he just washes his hands and does not shrink the whole soap bar until his fingers are all wrinkly.
And I was thinking, my 2 boys seem to have very different personalities. Like the older one is such a joker, he is very light hearted and thinks that everything is a game. The baby on the other hand is a lot moodier, is very assertive and thinks that if his older brother can do something, he can do it better.
But how come a lot of people can easily pin point who the favorite one in the family is? Like I have friends with siblings and when we share stories, they get to refer to their brother or sister as the 'favorite' one. Or I sometimes observe my friends who have more than 1 kid, I sense who they favor over the other. Is it just my perception or does this really happen?


pinks & blues girls said...

This is such a good topic to bring up... I'm sure a lot of parents can relate.

I'm a mommy to two doggies, and I love them equally. But they have such different personalities, so there are obviously little quirky things about each of them that I love!

My mom always told us that the more kids she had (4 of us!) the more her heart expanded and the love just grew.

By the way, thanks for your comment on our blog!

- Jane, Pinks & Blues Girls

Jennboree said...

Great topic and one that many get uncomfortable with or feel guilty cuz they maybe DO have a favorite!

My sister and I are convinced that my brother is my parents' favorite. However, he IS the baby, the only son and quite a cute pain-in-the-butt :)

It remains to be seen how it will be with my two girls since they are just babies now. My mom was definitely closer to me than my sister. Probably because I am like her, my sister is like my dad.

But I think it isn't so much "favorite" as it is feeling a stronger connection with or more protective of?

My husband is an only as well so he is fascinated by the whole sibling thing!

louann said...

Really interesting :) Like Filipino culture usually dictates that the only boy or the only girl is the favorite more so if they are the youngest.

Shoshana said...

I don't know if it's a favorite in my case or if it is just a case of who needs me more at that particular time. I believe I love my children equally and at different times, one needs more attention that the other.

My kids may feel differently, I will have to ask them later, but in my mind and heart, they are all equally loved.

On the other hand, I think my mother's favorite is everyone but me. I am the eldest, so maybe I could be the favorite too.

Who knows. I don't play favorite with my children because it is unncessarry cruel to them. Or if not cruel, certainly not fun for the un-favorite.

susiej said...

For me, it changes with the moment. They all have their bright spots that shine at certain times, brighter than others.

Sophiagurl said...

i was just lurking around mommy blogs and read your March 30 post. i have two girls one 8 and the little one is 3 years old. i know it is sometimes hard to balance your attention equally for both of them.

i guess an apt phrase would be "i love you both...unequally". you know you love your boys in the same intensity, however, one kid's needs is somehow very different from the other. the best thing you can do is follow what your heart says. there are no clear cut rules to balancing your attention. we were 3 in the family and like it or not, there is really a healthy competition between siblings when it comes to your parent's attention.

my advise is to take it slow, you can be great mother to both kids just by listening to them constantly and making each one feel as important as the other. it's kinda hard but you'll get the hang of it.