Thursday, April 5, 2007

It's Been Three Years, Dad.

I remember that day, that day you decided to leave for the Great Newsroom in the sky. How has it been? How's Mom?
Things have been doing fine since you left. Shortly after you left, I graduated. Yes Dad, I finally did! I cried that night because I knew how much you wanted to see me receive my diploma. And I wanted you to see me knowing that, that simple accomplishment would ease a little bit of the pain in your heart that I caused you all those years. Also, Jet found a job. And yes he did buy that first can of milk you always told him to buy as soon as he received his first paycheck. And he did feel so good about it.
Right after you left, I decided to take the time to stay home with Mom. Jet, Josh and I moved in with her by the way. So the first few weeks after you left were spent doing general cleaning around the house. Mom offered us your room (I hope you don't mind) and she moved into my old room.
2 months after you left, I found a job. I have been working for the same company since.
10 months after you left, Mom was diagnosed with cancer. Lung cancer by the way - yes caused by her smoking. I know. I'm sure she told you all about it. But anyway, I want to tell you all about it from my point of view. SO she was diagnosed and Tita Fe and the rest of Mom's siblings decided that treatment in Manila would be the best option. She went for 6 cycles of chemotherapy. It was a difficult time Dad. But I don't know how you would have taken all of it if you were still around. I am thankful things were orchestrated the way they were because in a sense you were protected from the pain. Anyway, as true love dictates, from my understanding, Mom could not bear living without you. So 1 1/2 years after you left, she decided to leave too and follow you.
11 months after you left, Josh started pre-school. Oh it would have been such a blast for you to hear the stories he had to share after coming home from school. And guess what, for the 1st few weeks of school, he would always eat the food of his classmates. I know! So far he has grown into an inquisitive little pre-schooler. He starts PrepI this May 2. Oh Dad if you could see him right now, he has grown so much.
2 years after you left, your other grandson came into this world. Yep, yet another boy. I know! You would have been thrilled. I know. Well this little one seems to have taken after me - I think! We call him Dash by the way.
Oh gawd Dad, I know I am not much with words when it comes to opening up to you. But I miss you so so much. You always protected me and a lot of times I still find myself looking for that protective someone who would do the same but no one will ever compare to you. I remember the embrace you would give me right after every one of our talks. Our talks where you would reprimand me for something I did but in the end you would always always forgive me. No one will ever compare to you.
I'm sorry for hurting you Dad. For not exerting effort to understand you. For taking you for granted. I miss you so much. I still find it hard to move on, I guess I never really will. I am sorry for those times I disobeyed you and disrespected you. When I think of it now, I want to take all of those times back.
It's been three years Dad and I still think of you everyday. I miss you.
I Love You Dad.
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Check these out:
Dad's Website

Steve

7 comments:

That Chick Over There said...

Oh this is so sad. :(

I'm sure your dad would be super proud of the woman you are today.

Chaos Control said...

My mom left three years ago on the 25th and I found myself thinking just today about how/what I would blog on her anniversary. That, and Monday is her birthday.

Beautifully written! And as "that chick over there" said, you're dad is proud. I'm sure of it!

Amanda Sue said...

he is proud - look at what a beautiful family you have, and what sweet young men you are raising!

i cannot identify with losing a parent, and i dread the day that i can. i am sorry that you have to deal with that, but you are right - God orchestrated everything to be in His perfect timing.

Pinks & Blues Girls said...

You are so brave to put your feelings into words like this. What a beautiful tribute to your father.

I have no doubt that both your mother and father are looking down on you and the family you've created, beaming with love, joy and pride.

- Jane, Pinks & Blues Girls

louann said...

Thank You all! :)
Losing a parent is scary and sad but time heals all wounds. I just need to take each day at a time.
Thank You again :)

Shoshana said...

Your Dad would be so proud of you! He sounds like a nice person...and famous. :)

mommyness said...

hi louann... your post also moved me. it's really hard losing a parent. and for you, that's twice the pain.

we can no longer change what we've done in the past and the disappointments we've caused our parents. i'm really still hurting from time to time. but i can see that you're slowly crawling out of that and weaving a great life ahead of you.

i'm sure your dad is proud of you and Jet. i'm so glad you found me and i found you. super can relate.