Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Freaks Me Out

Been trying to avoid this, been living in denial for I do not know how long. Well, when I found out I was pg with Dash, I tried to prepare Josh for the eventual birth of his little brother. He did get pretty excited about the whole big brother concept. In fact, when I gave birth and when Josh came to visit me in the hospital, he was very proud to escort the guests to the nursery to take a look at his baby brother.

Anyway, as the little one grew bigger and more aware of the world around him and as he started to learn to assert himself, I noticed how much Josh would feel threatened by his little brother. Like Dash loves playing with Josh, even if Dash does not quite understand the concept of the game. So when Josh sits quietly in one corner to play with his blocks and build his "little town," Dash quickly sits beside Josh and topples them down - and shrieks in excitement of course. Josh of course ends up getting angry. Or when Josh is watching T.V. and lying peacefully on the bed, then Dash climbs up and starts crawling all over his brother thinking it to be so much fun. Again, pisses off Josh.

And then, Josh also does not like it when Dash is able to do things he cannot do. Like when he goes off to school and the little one gets to play with my Aunts. Oh this really makes Josh upset to the point of not wanting to go to school anymore so that he gets to do what Dash gets to do while he is supposed to be in school. Josh is also always concerned about what Dash does while he is in school. He always make it a point to ask the nanny what Dash did during the morning and if he finds out that Dash played outside or played downstairs with my Aunts, he gets even more upset! I have also noticed that there are times when Josh would try to find some fault in what Dash is doing - spilling water from his sippy cup, a messy place mat full of food.

I sometimes take a step back to just observe the whole situation and then it hits me - I do not want to have children who will not love each other when they grow big. I cannot stand the thought of "fighting" in my family. I know it may be a bit too early but a lot of times I end up worrying that these experiences may start planting seeds of resentment in his heart.

I am not perfect but I try my best to balance my attention between the 2 kids, especially now that the little one is a bit more independent. I talk to them if and when they both do something not nice or wrong. I try to spend alone time with Josh - like read him a book or sit down with him a few minutes a day to play with him alone - no Dash around but I still feel that Josh feels threatened. For 4 1/2 years, all the attention was on him. Seriously, he got what he wanted although I don't think we spoiled him because he is a pretty obedient little man but maybe we were not able to fully help him comprehend the whole "having a sibling" thing.


PinksandBluesGirls said...

You are doing a great job... getting siblings to get along at every second is just impossible. My older brothers had a lot of rivalry growing up, and were "punks" to each other a lot, and now they are best friends, and work together every day. Especially when your oldest was really an only child for so long, there will be an adjustment period. Don't sweat it. Everything will work out!

Jane, Pinks & Blues Girls

Jennboree said...

You are such a wonderful mommy. Your awareness of such tender feelings among your little ones is such an important part of being a parent. They will have their moments over the years, all siblings do! But you and your husband are the best guides on how to love, respect and appreciate one another.

It is a daily task and worth every second :)

Sophiagurl said...

they are right Louann, you are doing great. motherhood is not that easy and adjusting to the recent happenings in your life is also tough. Hang in there. God bless.