Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Mental Sketches

I've been enjoying this thing -- this whole stay at home mom thing. I always wanted to be one. I seem to be enjoying the "hectic" of it all.

Today, my 3 year old son started "summer school." A 2 week program offered by the school where he will be studying this June to prepare the new students so that they could easily "settle in" come June. I brought him to school and had to hang around the campus for a while while he got comfortable with his new surroundings. I enjoyed it a lot. If I weren't on leave from work I could just imagine myself rushing to bring him and rushing to leave his school to get to work on time.

I'm not saying our days don't get hectic--yes they do. Just as I had mentioned, but I have come to love this kind of hectic over the kind of busyness I face when I have to divide my energy, attention and efforts between work and the home. Now I am busy but just with the children and the home.

When I first started working, I was focused on my career and was determined to excel as an HR practitioner. I admit, there were times that I prioritized my work over my husband, my child and the home. But in the past 2 years, I have come to realize how much more important my family is and although I do still have my job, I look at it as something secondary to everything else. I am grateful I have a job but I have learned to say no to certain things especially if it will mean having to compromise my family.

So anyway, going back. I do wonder whether I have been loving this because I know that in 3 weeks time I will be heading back to work. Knowing that this kind of 'free time' on my side won't ever happen again makes me do my best and enjoy every single minute of being so involved in my children's lives and in keeping up the home. Maybe if it were the other way around, I would be loving and enjoying every single minute of whatever part time work I can do. Maybe.

I yearn for what I don't have. I'm scared about how things will be 3 weeks from now. I heard this line once on TV "At the end of the day, we still have to give the best of us and not what is left of us." I find that rather difficult to do after a long day at work.


Heart of Rachel said...

Hope your son will enjoy summer school. I think it's a nice way to prepare kids for the upcoming school year.

Hope you'll have a smooth transition when you go back to work. Take care.

Karen MEG said...

Louann, I'm glad you're enjoying your time at home. I'm sure you'll be up to the transition to working again... I find that the longer I've been at home, the harder it is to contemplate working out of the home again. So if that makes it any easier for you, I'm not sure. I happen to know a few moms who are going back to work after 5 years (min) away, and find it daunting. I'm lucky that I've been able to do drips and drabs of work here and there, so I hope when and if I ever do consider jumping back into the corporate world, it won't be so difficult.

I do know for a fact that you WILL have much more left for your family than you think you will. It is so apparent on your blog that you have so much in you to give to them, and you share it with your family in spades. Don't worry about that at all.