So yeah, my pink tainted glasses have been crushed. Thing haven't been too pink and rosy and sparkly and glittery in la-la land. I have been emotionally drained the past few days. I believe that I have had no posts regarding my rants and compliants and gripes. Things haven't been too great at home and in the office.
I go throught times of drought, like I just feel so dry inside. A lot of questions flood my mind and my heart aches a bit. Lately, I have found myself trying to asses and reasses my life. I can't quite explain what this is all about nut you know, there are times when I'm in the office and I suddenly wonder what the hell I'm doing here. Shouldn't I be home with the kids? And then I look around me and see a bunch of yuppies, perfectly driven and motivated, determined to climb that steep corporate ladder then I suddenly realize that although I have my kids to take care of, I would also want to join that race and climb the ladder too. ANd then it hits me, am I being too selfish? I don't know.
What about my plans of continuing with my Master's degree? How come I haven't started working on the applucation process? Which got me to think, that if I continue working full time and then enroll this coming semester, I would probably have less quality time with the kids. Unless I pretend to be Superwoman. But I know that it the end, the kids are going to grow up on me and will eventually have a life of their own and I wouldn't want to lose my life now and then later on start trying to look for one when the kids are gone.
I love my family terribly that's why it probably hurts so much at times.
On top of these emotions, I find myself looking for my Mom. She was the only who would never get tired of listening to me. Yes I have friends who I can talk to and pour out my heart and soul to, but sometimes I just feel like not telling them. Like a friend of mine asked me yesterday how I was doing because I didn't look to good, I just felt like telling her " I'm ok, don't worry, I just feel sad because the caterpillar in our backyard got squished by our dog."
We have our good days, we have our bad.