Wednesday, May 21, 2008

It Can Get Crazy, But Ironically, It Keeps Me Sane

When I started working, I asked my Mom why she worked all her life. And she said providing for the needs of the family was her primary reason aside from her love for teaching that is.Seeing her divide her time between work and the family is something I witnessed while growing up which I think had a huge impact on my choice to be a working Mom as well.

I saw her get up early in the morning to fix breakfast, she saw me off to school, she would have 2 or 3 classes a day, she would pick me up, she would prepare dinner, she would check papers, tests and quizzes before retiring for the day. And when I had my eldest, she would squeeze in a lot of time to look after him, bring him out or play with him.

She was very active in my school activities. Attending PTA meetings, staying up late to help me review for our quarterly exams, attending my taekwondo competitions, helping me with my school projects. As I got older, we would both crunch our brains trying to solve my algebra problems (we're both not too good with numbers), brainstorm with me on ideas for my thesis and help me prepare for class presentations.

For 23 years of my life, I saw her do that. Which is why I think, right after graduation, there was no doubt in my mind that I had to find work even if my son was only 2 at that time.

Her being a working mother was never an issue with my Dad. Which is why I think I found it not to be an issue at all with my husband that I worked.

She didn't need to say anything, really. I never hear her tell me that I needed to work when I grew up nor did she say that I stay home at care for the kids when I had my own family. Maybe she meant it to be that way, for me to see it as a choice. For me to realize what I am supposed to be - on my own. No pressure, nothing dictated upon me. Merely witnessing who she was gave me enough inspiration although I never really paid much attention to it. Only now that I am working and have my own kids did I realize how much love is required to last the day.

At the end of each day, when I come home tired and my feet hurt, before complaining, I quietly thank the Lord for my aching feet and tired body because I know my day was productive, I know that the work I did for that day was all worth it - for me, the kids and the family.

It may be a choice. Yes, I think it is. And I have chosen to be this. I do feel enormous amounts of guilt leaving the little one at home when I leave for work but I try my best to be creative when it comes to managing my time so that nothing is sacrificed.

My children are still young and I have a long way to go. There are days which end p being soooo crazy starting at 6 in the morning and seems like evening is so far away. Hectic schedules, busy lines, endless expectations, pressure. But as Susie said, you have to find you balance. And I think this is my balance.

One day, I will look back at all of this and I know I will find myself smiling, fondly remembering how crazy it could get. But right now, I will look forward to the impact I am creating on the lives of my children. Someday, they will appreciate it. It could be long after I am gone, but I know they will. Just as I have.

Thanks Mom.


Sophiagurl said...

I completely agree with you here Louann, a working mom's life could get a little crazy but it keeps us sane.

My mom was also a working mom so working while growing a family was something I grew up with too. I was also surprised that it entailed stretching your love and sometimes yourself literally.

You are a good mom, I am certain your mom is very proud of you.

God bless you dear! and belated happy mom's day.

Heart of Rachel said...

Thank you for sharing this wonderful post about your mom. Hard working moms are always an inspiration.

Karen MEG said...

I grew up with a working mom as well... she was always working, part-time when we were quite young, and then full time again when we were older in school. When she had my brother she again stayed home but babysat to keep busy and make extra money for the family.

So I always pictured myself a working mom. And it's only circumstance that allowed me to stay home with my kids 3 years ago ... I NEVER thought this would be me. And to be honest, I do miss it sometimes, being at work (which I was fulltime after my first was 9 months old.)

Your kids will certainly appreciate it. I know I did, and one thing I is that I always respected my mother for all the she accomplished when we were kids (and even now what she continues to accomplish as a busy grandma of 4, even in retirement!)

Great post, Louann, you're mom would be so proud of the woman and mother you are today.