I saw her get up early in the morning to fix breakfast, she saw me off to school, she would have 2 or 3 classes a day, she would pick me up, she would prepare dinner, she would check papers, tests and quizzes before retiring for the day. And when I had my eldest, she would squeeze in a lot of time to look after him, bring him out or play with him.
She was very active in my school activities. Attending PTA meetings, staying up late to help me review for our quarterly exams, attending my taekwondo competitions, helping me with my school projects. As I got older, we would both crunch our brains trying to solve my algebra problems (we're both not too good with numbers), brainstorm with me on ideas for my thesis and help me prepare for class presentations.
For 23 years of my life, I saw her do that. Which is why I think, right after graduation, there was no doubt in my mind that I had to find work even if my son was only 2 at that time.
Her being a working mother was never an issue with my Dad. Which is why I think I found it not to be an issue at all with my husband that I worked.
She didn't need to say anything, really. I never hear her tell me that I needed to work when I grew up nor did she say that I stay home at care for the kids when I had my own family. Maybe she meant it to be that way, for me to see it as a choice. For me to realize what I am supposed to be - on my own. No pressure, nothing dictated upon me. Merely witnessing who she was gave me enough inspiration although I never really paid much attention to it. Only now that I am working and have my own kids did I realize how much love is required to last the day.
At the end of each day, when I come home tired and my feet hurt, before complaining, I quietly thank the Lord for my aching feet and tired body because I know my day was productive, I know that the work I did for that day was all worth it - for me, the kids and the family.
It may be a choice. Yes, I think it is. And I have chosen to be this. I do feel enormous amounts of guilt leaving the little one at home when I leave for work but I try my best to be creative when it comes to managing my time so that nothing is sacrificed.
My children are still young and I have a long way to go. There are days which end p being soooo crazy starting at 6 in the morning and seems like evening is so far away. Hectic schedules, busy lines, endless expectations, pressure. But as
One day, I will look back at all of this and I know I will find myself smiling, fondly remembering how crazy it could get. But right now, I will look forward to the impact I am creating on the lives of my children. Someday, they will appreciate it. It could be long after I am gone, but I know they will. Just as I have.