Wednesday, May 28, 2008

If Even Just For A While

The first night I saw her, her face was so clear and my emotions were so strong. It was a given that she had been sick and that had recovered and was back. There were things she said which offended me but I bit my tongue and reminded myself to just be thankful instead that indeed, she was back.

The next day, I saw her again. The whole time, we were just talking casually. About what I do not exactly remember. The next day, that was all I could think about -- the 2 nights that I had been seeing her. I found it a bit weird at first.

On the 3rd night, I saw her again. She was on the phone speaking with a cousin of mine who was talking badly at her and I kept telling her not to allow my cousin to treat her that way.

And then I woke up.

I spent almost the whole morning thinking about those 3 nights. I was trying to figure out what all that possibly meant but I just couldn't think of any reason why. And then it dawned upon me. She knows how much I miss her. I'm thankful that even if just in my dreams, I am able to touch her and feel her and talk with her. I yearn for her presence even if I know that will never be possible. It's a yearning tucked away in my heart, rarely shown to other people. And tonight, I'm giving it one good cry - it's something I haven't done in a long time, something I'm trying to
stay away from anyway. It feels good.

If I see her again tonight, it will feel better.

3 comments:

Sandy C. said...

I'm so sorry. Missing someone can cause the greatest heartache. I hope you dream of her tonight too. *hugs*

Sophiagurl said...

ohhhh...hugggggs to you dear. I cannot imagine what I'd do if I lost my mom.Devasted to say the least.

it's so nice to know that even for just a fleeting moment you were with her again.

God bless you dear!

small town girl said...

hey louann.. good to find you! Check out my new blog..
everydaygia.wordpress.com.
I have to add u to my new blogroll!