When I gave birth to Josh, I never imagined having another kid - well not really in the sense that I vowed never to have kids again - it's just that, it just never crossed my mind. Like it was never a thinking topic for me. Josh became my world - he became everybody's world, my parents, my in-laws, my cousins, my aunts. When Josh was 1 year and 10months, Jet and I got married but it never crossed our minds to plan for another kid just yet. But after a few more years, I guess we felt it was about time Josh had got a sibling. So after 3 1/2 years, I discovered I was carrying another little bean in my tummy.
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Being pregnant again was a different experience from when I was carrying Josh. And during this time, I couldn't quite imagine how my life would be with another kid in the house. My life still revolved around Josh. There were nights when I would lay in bed and try to remember how it was when Josh was a baby. I would look at Josh, who was laying beside me and I would try to recall the sleepless nights I shared with him, how it felt to change a stinky diaper, my perils of burping an ultra-mega-delicate breathing but not yet squirming little creature -- god I just couldn't! It just seemed so far far away! And as much as I wanted to imagine that I would be able to love 2 children, I just couldn't. Josh just seemed to be the only one who mattered to me at that time. Yes, I loved the baby -- of course! But I just couldn't imagine how it felt to equally love 2 little children.
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A soon as I heard Dash's cry when he was delivered, I couldn't explain the feelings that suddenly rushed all over me. Unexplainable. Now I had two little boys who I would love unconditionally. It felt so perfect.
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Today, I have given up on my dolls, lace and pink. Over the past 5 years, I have learned to play with trucks, blocks, mud and sand. I have found excitement in sweating it out in the garden playing ball and tag.
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And at the end of the day, there is nothing more perfect than staring at my two little superheroes wiped out after a day of rumble and tumble.
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God I love my family -- and that's what pretty much matters to me - now, tomorrow and forever.
1 comment:
I too grew up with dreams of having kids but wanted boys. I never in a million years thought I'd end up with 2 girls! I was so afraid I'd never bond with them or would have the issues with them that my sis and I have with our mom at times.
But...
I adore them. A mother's love is just that, no matter their baby's gender. Ya know? I am totally in love with my children in all their uniqueness.
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