I have been reading blogs (yeah what is new) of mommies and more mommies and have come across blogs of mommies with babies - some have just one, some have twins, some have triplets, some with special needs, some even have more than four. Now what is the relevance of this? Well...it is making me what another baby!
I know, I know.
First things first, I always wanted 4 kids. 4 because my OB told me that I should only go up to 4 c-sections. I can never deliver normal because of my CPD unless I have a very very small baby. Which I would never want to have just for the sake of delivering normally. Plus from my experience with my 2 babies, they have very large heads at birth. 4 kids because I do not want my kids to grow up in such a small family. As I was an only child which proved to be pretty lonely a lot of times - like when my dad died and then my mom died shortly after.
Aside from that, I would want to grow old knowing that I will have my children to look after me and my husband.
BUT a lot of things changed when I gave birth to my second baby. Harsh reality set in. A lot of people kept asking me whether I was still considering another one. And whenever I would say I would want another one, maybe 2 more in fact, they would always remind me about so many many things. Like - life is hard, will you be able to raise all four kids, 2 children is a handful already why add to the bunch and a whole lot of other unsolicited advise.
And then when I came back to work after my maternity leave, my boss informed me that my career was tentatively on hold because I was gone for 3 whole months and so it was like I was back to zero. After that, I felt terrible. I started to wonder why having a baby had to put everything on hold.
And then I came to point of starting to realize that indeed maybe 2 children was enough.
And so I talked to hubby about it. And I asked him whether he thought that our 2 boys meant we were done with kids. And he gave me a brilliant answer: Maybe. Perfect. And then he added by saying maybe we can have another after 8-10 years. And I was like, are ya kidding?
For beginners, I had a HARD time adjusting to the 4 1/2 year gap. Like I was all done with diapers and milk and then I had to make a u-turn and do it all over again. So I told myself that if I were to do it all over again, I would prefer to do it with little gaps in between. I know it will be hard - very hard- but in the long run it'll be easier.
Plus, think about the so many women out there who wish to have babies but can't. And here I am controlling myself. I have had a couple of blogging friends who have reminded me that putting food on the table does not seem like a problem my family and I will have to face. Now I am not rich but I am not poor. We are somewhere in between.
And OK, let me get completely honest. I would want to have a girl. I have mentioned this a million times. And if in the end, I end up having 4 boys, I will have no problem with that as well. I know I will love them with all my heart. After all little boys have amazed me and amused me, am pretty excited about having an additional 2 more to amaze and amuse me. But what if my 3rd or 4th ends up being a girl?
Now I am rambling. This is one thing I have been trying to avoid for so long. I have been pretending to tell myself that I am perfectly fine with just having 2 little squirts. But no. I want another one.
Should I now go and have another one then?
Your thoughts are very much welcomed but please be kind.