Monday, May 21, 2007

Another Serving, Perhaps?

I have been reading blogs (yeah what is new) of mommies and more mommies and have come across blogs of mommies with babies - some have just one, some have twins, some have triplets, some with special needs, some even have more than four. Now what is the relevance of this? is making me what another baby!
I know, I know.
First things first, I always wanted 4 kids. 4 because my OB told me that I should only go up to 4 c-sections. I can never deliver normal because of my CPD unless I have a very very small baby. Which I would never want to have just for the sake of delivering normally. Plus from my experience with my 2 babies, they have very large heads at birth. 4 kids because I do not want my kids to grow up in such a small family. As I was an only child which proved to be pretty lonely a lot of times - like when my dad died and then my mom died shortly after.
Aside from that, I would want to grow old knowing that I will have my children to look after me and my husband.
BUT a lot of things changed when I gave birth to my second baby. Harsh reality set in. A lot of people kept asking me whether I was still considering another one. And whenever I would say I would want another one, maybe 2 more in fact, they would always remind me about so many many things. Like - life is hard, will you be able to raise all four kids, 2 children is a handful already why add to the bunch and a whole lot of other unsolicited advise.
And then when I came back to work after my maternity leave, my boss informed me that my career was tentatively on hold because I was gone for 3 whole months and so it was like I was back to zero. After that, I felt terrible. I started to wonder why having a baby had to put everything on hold.
And then I came to point of starting to realize that indeed maybe 2 children was enough.
And so I talked to hubby about it. And I asked him whether he thought that our 2 boys meant we were done with kids. And he gave me a brilliant answer: Maybe. Perfect. And then he added by saying maybe we can have another after 8-10 years. And I was like, are ya kidding?
For beginners, I had a HARD time adjusting to the 4 1/2 year gap. Like I was all done with diapers and milk and then I had to make a u-turn and do it all over again. So I told myself that if I were to do it all over again, I would prefer to do it with little gaps in between. I know it will be hard - very hard- but in the long run it'll be easier.
Plus, think about the so many women out there who wish to have babies but can't. And here I am controlling myself. I have had a couple of blogging friends who have reminded me that putting food on the table does not seem like a problem my family and I will have to face. Now I am not rich but I am not poor. We are somewhere in between.
And OK, let me get completely honest. I would want to have a girl. I have mentioned this a million times. And if in the end, I end up having 4 boys, I will have no problem with that as well. I know I will love them with all my heart. After all little boys have amazed me and amused me, am pretty excited about having an additional 2 more to amaze and amuse me. But what if my 3rd or 4th ends up being a girl?
Now I am rambling. This is one thing I have been trying to avoid for so long. I have been pretending to tell myself that I am perfectly fine with just having 2 little squirts. But no. I want another one.
Should I now go and have another one then?
Your thoughts are very much welcomed but please be kind.


Shoshana said...

After I have my one child, I thought one is really enough. Especially on days she never sleeps and cried and whine all day. Then 90 percent of the time I want more. I had another baby when she was 15 months. This baby was so allergic and I am clueless, so we were floundering and worrying if he'll even live to year one. You'd think I'll be cure.

2nd baby was 2 yrs and 9 months when I have my 3rd one. Then ectopic pregnancy and I was thinking I'll never be pregnant again. I cried everytime I see a pregnant woman. Get thick in the thought when someone announces they're pregnant. 4th baby came with #3 was 2 years 9 months. Fifth one when #4 was 1 year and 9 months.

Would I want another baby? Other than the fact that I can't, the answer will depend on whether the kids went to bed on time that day and were not screaming and whiny.

Does that answer your question?

(Sorry to have such long answer)

Chaos Control said...

I say, go for it! You're right, it will be tough for awhile. But in the grand scheme of things, when you look back on it 20 years from now, it's not the tough times you'll remember - it's all of the amazingly fun, fulfilling times you think of.

Go for it, girl!

Maggie said...

If it is that important to you then you should do it. Now or soon would be good since it won't have much effect on your career right now. Two kids will be plenty for me, but everyone is different. You have to figure out what's best for you and your family.

Sophiagurl said...

i really admire women who have many kids and are still sane. And if they had flourishing careers too, for me that woman is awesome! like maggie, two is quite enough for me, although hubby wants another one, a boy. Like you he was an only child and an orphan as well.

we are still thinking about baby no. 3. i agree about the U-turn, it's hard, mine was 5 years in between, so I say go for it!

Anonymous said...

in the greater scheme of things, think also of ur children when u make the decision. will dey have quality time with u? will they be wanted and loved no matter if your career suffers and yu give up someting? will you gladly let go if they decide in the end not to care for you and your hubby when you grow old? If yes to all this, go for it girl, you are a great mom from what i read.

Pia said...

thanks for the visit. really appreciate it. if controlling is a problem, i'd love to have that problem. =) ask God for His will, you'll never go wrong.

Jennboree said...

I love everyone's advice here. The need for a baby DOES increase once your youngest enters toddler years. Suddenly the memory of long nights, tears and diapers of infancy seem foggy :)

If you AND your husband really want to have a baby, then go for it. Bringing a new life into your life is always amazing. But it needs to be a mutual want. Jumping from two kids to three is hugely different.

And you are going back to school too, right? Can you handle that, pregnancy, your two kids and then a new baby?

Queen Mom said...

I have 3 precious boys-7, 5 & 3. All c-sections. I know the risks for #4; I have faith that all will be o.k. Hubby and I don't want to have the question, "what if?"
We are going for it. We would love a girl but bringing a child into our family is priceless no matter what gender.