Saturday, May 12, 2007

Happy Mother's Day Ma

As the day gets nearer, I think about Mom too often throughout the day. When she left, I learned one too many things. When she left, I remember too much.

I learned to eat in restaurants alone. Mom and I would ALWAYS try out new restaurants and pretend to be food critiques secretly tasting through the ingredients of sumptuous meals so that we could try cooking them at home. When I was pregnant and hubby was at work, I would crave. And so I would eat our favorite resto's alone. I would not look up, just concentrate on my meal and often wipe away my tears.
I learned to shop by myself. Mom would ALWAYS be my critique - "you look flabby in that" or "that would go well with your khaki slacks." When she left, I became my own critique, always bearing in mind what Mom would have said if she saw me in that outfit. I learned how to cook without consulting anyone. When she left, I depended on my own tongue's taste to assess whether it was too salty or too bland.

I remember when she would come home with a whole bunch of layettes, mittens and baby blankets. Too excited about her first grandson. She would ALWAYS have an excuse to go shopping for him. I remember how excited she was when we first started feeding Josh his solid foods. She always had the tendency to compare what I loved eating when I was a baby to what Josh loved. She enjoyed boiling his potatoes and carrots in chicken broth and mashing them together with soft rice. I remember how she would panic every time Josh would fall or bump his head - we would always end up in the ER - she would tell me never to take chances when it came to Josh. I remember how Josh would make her so crazy about him. I would come home from work and Mom would be there waiting for me ready to tell me too many stories about her apo (grandson). I remember how excited she was when I told her I took the pregnancy test and a double line appeared. She was so excited because she was going to be a grandma again.

I remember how excited she was when Jet and I moved into our own small house. She went on a shopping spree. Bought an iron, a microwave, a TV, new bedsheets and shower curtains.

I remember when right after I graduated, she would sit down with me and look through classified ads to look for job openings. I remember her sitting down with me to type out my resume and application letters.

I remember the strong front she put up when Dad left.

I remember how she protected me from her cancer. She did not tell me over the phone. She waited for me to go see her in the hospital. I remember the fear in her eyes when she told me she will have to undergo chemotherapy. I remember her face during her last month in the hospital. She looked too tired but she fought on. I remember her last week in the ICU. She was worried about leaving me behind.

I remember you Mom. I think about you everyday. I look for you everyday.
Happy Mother's Day.
I Love You.
Mommy's out there, enjoy your day.
Mommy's with Mommy's out there, make you mom feel special. This is her day too.


Shoshana said...

Louann, Happy mother's day!

Sounds like you and your Mom were really close. What a wonderful woman she must have been.

Amanda Sue said...

something about the way you write really touches me. i always leave here with a lump in my throat, grateful for the visit and thankful for life in general.

something about the way your write, or maybe my hormones and the music on my iPod.

either way, thank you.

Sophiagurl said...

Happy Mother's Day Louann, i loved your post it made me want to cry =) not only are you a great mom but a great daughter as well. God bless you.

Jennboree said...

Happy Mother's Day, Louann. I agree with Amanda, the way you write is very touching as well as loving.

Keep happy thoughts about your Mom today. *hugs*

theAdelmans said...

Happy Mothers Day....a few days late. I just got a chance to check in with your blog. You have beautiful children! I am lucky enough to have my Mom around for advice, support, laughter, tears and everything else in between. Thanks for reminding me of how great she is. Aliina