As the day gets nearer, I think about Mom too often throughout the day. When she left, I learned one too many things. When she left, I remember too much.
I learned to eat in restaurants alone. Mom and I would ALWAYS try out new restaurants and pretend to be food critiques secretly tasting through the ingredients of sumptuous meals so that we could try cooking them at home. When I was pregnant and hubby was at work, I would crave. And so I would eat our favorite resto's alone. I would not look up, just concentrate on my meal and often wipe away my tears.
I learned to shop by myself. Mom would ALWAYS be my critique - "you look flabby in that" or "that would go well with your khaki slacks." When she left, I became my own critique, always bearing in mind what Mom would have said if she saw me in that outfit. I learned how to cook without consulting anyone. When she left, I depended on my own tongue's taste to assess whether it was too salty or too bland.
I remember when she would come home with a whole bunch of layettes, mittens and baby blankets. Too excited about her first grandson. She would ALWAYS have an excuse to go shopping for him. I remember how excited she was when we first started feeding Josh his solid foods. She always had the tendency to compare what I loved eating when I was a baby to what Josh loved. She enjoyed boiling his potatoes and carrots in chicken broth and mashing them together with soft rice. I remember how she would panic every time Josh would fall or bump his head - we would always end up in the ER - she would tell me never to take chances when it came to Josh. I remember how Josh would make her so crazy about him. I would come home from work and Mom would be there waiting for me ready to tell me too many stories about her apo (grandson). I remember how excited she was when I told her I took the pregnancy test and a double line appeared. She was so excited because she was going to be a grandma again.
I remember how excited she was when Jet and I moved into our own small house. She went on a shopping spree. Bought an iron, a microwave, a TV, new bedsheets and shower curtains.
I remember when right after I graduated, she would sit down with me and look through classified ads to look for job openings. I remember her sitting down with me to type out my resume and application letters.
I remember the strong front she put up when Dad left.
I remember how she protected me from her cancer. She did not tell me over the phone. She waited for me to go see her in the hospital. I remember the fear in her eyes when she told me she will have to undergo chemotherapy. I remember her face during her last month in the hospital. She looked too tired but she fought on. I remember her last week in the ICU. She was worried about leaving me behind.
I remember you Mom. I think about you everyday. I look for you everyday.
Happy Mother's Day.
I Love You.
Mommy's out there, enjoy your day.
Mommy's with Mommy's out there, make you mom feel special. This is her day too.