My Dad's Daughter

* I am reposting this as part of my way of remembering my Dad on his 5th year death anniversary.




I did want to let you know Lou that when I read your blog entries I am reminded so much of your dad. You write in a similar style and with lots of emotion. And he would especially like your blogging.
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Apparently, my dear cousin made me cry just by what she said. She sent me an email and I found myself crying at 8 this morning. In the office. Good thing I was alone. Seriously. She said so many many other things that completely broke me - in a good way, that is. And yes, it does feel good to be broken. I think I really needed that.



And I pondered on that line, that I remind her of my Dad through my writing. It brought me to realize that indeed, I am my Dad's daughter. And I feel like writing about him, the relationship we shared, my growing up years with him. Bear with me. Do not read on if you wish.

He was a very passionate man. He loved what he did best - writing. Later on in his life, as he came full circle (shortly before he died) he went back to painting and rejoined his old college buddies and revived their art group Tahong Bundok . (Do check the link, I was pleasantly surprised when I googled it and saw this page. My Dad is the man on the far left with his hand on his hip). Anyway, yes he loved writing. Thinking deeper, aside from his love and passion for writing itself - he knew he was a good writer, but I'm feeling that deep down inside, he loved it also because he looked up to his dad (my Grandpa )very much and strived to be much like him. He worked very closely with my Grandpa when the Midland Courier was still theirs. Later on, my Dad set up the Cordillera Post which eventually closed in 1991. Growing up, I was used to the smell of the press - the ink, the paper. With the introduction of technology, my Dad chose to stay away from it and stuck to writing his articles using his reliable typewriter and would proof read and lay out the paper the old traditional way.

Dad always reminded me of what I could be - because I guess that's what he also did to remind himself of what he could do - and how good I could be with what I could do. He cared greatly for the people he loved and even for the people he did not know. I remember once he came home with no money left and he told me and my Mom that he gave it to this young boy who dropped by their art gallery but who was very poor but had great potential in painting. He loved his family. He was a good man.

I still hurt and wonder why he had to leave a bit too early. He was only 55. But again, as I think deeper, I am thankful for what he has left me. A big part of who I am is who he was - I think. We're both uptight people. Yes, especially in a crowd of strangers. Often times, I find it hard to relax and find some things funny at once. We both like things planned. Although lately I have been trying to be this spontaneous "let's go on a vacation in an hour" type, it is difficult. We find it difficult to adjust to abrupt / sudden changes. Obviously, we both love writing but I am not such a voracious reader as he was. We struggle with wanting to be the best, with pleasing other's yet still not losing ourselves in the quest to be so. And we both are very emotional people. We hurt and when we do we wallow in it. That's it, I got it from him. When there is something inside of us, there is a need to bring it out. But in this aspect, I guess I am able to do it a bit more easily.

With the things going in my life today or decisions made, I often find myself thinking and asking such like "Dad would have thought... Dad would have said... Dad would not have wanted..." I know it shouldn't always be that way, but probably for now that I am still in the very early stages of my life where I am completely trying to be an independent person, thoughts like that do help me.

This afternoon, I heard 2 excited boys and the sound of the typewriter keys. They found my Dad's typewriter in the storage room. It was a pleasant sight. A warm one in fact. And I was again reminded that my Dad will live through my boys as well.

I am still at a point where I am trying and wanting to define who I am, but nothing will change the fact that I am my Dad's daughter.

The Past Month

Exactly a month ago, I gave birth to my 3rd baby boy. 28 years ago, my parents got married. 5 years ago, my Dad had just 1 more day to live before succumbing to liver cirrhosis.

Quite an eventful day for me. a mix of emotions. Feelings of happiness and loneliness.

Imagine, in just 11 months, my youngest son will be turning 1. There are times when I wish he would grow up fast -- with more waking hours during the day, less diaper changes, "playtime," etc. But then I remind myself to savor and enjoy every minute of his babyhood because this will never happen again.

I'm glad I don't seem to have any symptoms of post partum blues. My emotions seem to be in place with just a few sobs and tears when bumps can't seem to be avoided along the way.

My 2 older boys seem to be loving their littlest brother more and more each day. Each with their own concerns about the baby -- my 7 year old always concerned about whether the baby is hungry while my 3 year old constantly checking on whether the baby needs a diaper change or not.

Sometimes though, feelings of inadequacy kick in. I find myself concerned about what other people might say or what other people might think about how I am as a mother. And these thoughts affect me.

Done With One, 3 More To Go

Excerpts from my "parents response speech"

"...4 years ago, we watched our children, then only 3 years old, enter the school gates of Small World. I'm sure most of you co-parents will agree when I say that on their first day of school, our hearts silently broke..."

"...As parents, I believe we share the same mix of emotions today. We are proud about how far we've come along with raising our pre-schoolers but at the same time we are saddened too for today stands as yet another reminder that our children grow up way too fast..."

"...Congratulations too co- parents. From bottles and diapers to school uniforms and homework. We too graduate to greater parenting challenges..."

"...Teachers, thank you. We slowly learned to entrust our children to you. Thank you for being patient with them, thank you for caring for them, thank you for being a part of their lives..."

A Few Concerns Of A 7 Year Old

1. When can I start using that thing? That thing you and dad use? The deodorant thing?

2. When can my friends sleep here at home?

3. When can I go to school alone?

4. If I have a sister, can I marry her?

Of This I'm Sure

He's not too sure about what to make of his baby brother...






But one thing is for sure, he adores him.

Slowly. Eventually. Maybe. Hoepfully.

What are you faced with when you become a first time mother? There's the whole 9 month waiting game and then the whole birthing process. After which comes the nursing, soiled diapers, burping and 3AM crying issues. Mashed foods comes next. Crawling and walking shortly follows.

After their 1st birthday, it slows down a little. And then the toddler years enter. Personality and character soon enters the picture. Suddenly, we have to take disciplining very seriously. Before you know it, you're bringing them to school to start nursery.

And just when we think the worst has passed, we are faced with yet another hurdle-- gradeschool.

In 4 weeks, I will be sending off my 7 year old son to 1st grade. 8 years ago, he was a tiny bean in my tummy. I thought 3 hours of school each day was long enough, soon he will be gone for 6 hours each day. That's double the worry I will have to face.

Milestones like these exist to remind me once again that I can never keep my children to myself forever. Much as I would want to just have them with me, beside me forever, that will never happen. One day, they will find their own lives, their own interests, their own life partners. And slowly, I will have to happily let them go. To find their niche in this world.

I feel his hand slowly loosening its grip on my hand. I'm finding it hard to loosen mine.

Thoughts on Breastfeeding.

As I said in my last post, I have been obsessed about breastfeeding. What's there not to love about it? Actually, there is a lot.

First of all, it is very uncomfortable at first. Secondly, it can make your nipples extremely sore. The baby who is breastfed requires more frequent feedings that those on formula. You can never leave baby for long hours. It can be exhausting.

And that's precisely why I only breastfed my eldest for 2 1/2 months.

But when I had my 2nd, I felt determined to try breastfeeding longer.

Breastfeeding is a choice. Especially for women living in countries where infant formula milk is very accessible. Unless you live in a remote jungle somewhere in the Amazon, we can get formula milk in all groceries. I also feel, that one has to be ready physically and emotionally before deciding whether or not to breastfeed. If one feels she is not 100% sure about breastfeeding baby, it's not really going to work. Why? Refer to 2nd paragraph.

So what's there not to love about breastfeeding? First of all, think of all the benefits that baby can get from it. There's the stronger immune system, less digestive problems and the comfort that baby can get. Second, it is the best and easiest way for new mommies to lose weight. Third, it is was cheaper than spending on formula milk.

It works for some and it doesn't for others. But then again, it is a choice.

During the first 3 days postpartum, I hardly had any milk supply. I felt so tired and frustrated. I didn't feel good physically. I felt sick. And I was so tempted to send the husband to the nearest drugstore to get a can of infant formula.

I am happy I didn't. I had to remind myself a million times not to give up.

When there isn't enough milk, you can always take supplements. Prepare soup every meal -- preferably broth with lots of ginger. Drink a lot -- be it water, juice or milk. Eat healthy. And think positive. And again, think of the benefits it will have on your baby.

This And That

No new photos yet. Just a random rundown of updates.
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It's been, let's see, 15 days since I gave birth. So far, the little one has been doing really good by giving me enough sleep at night. He eats, burps, poops and sleeps. No big fuss during the night. I have been breastfeeding (and loving it) and have been pumping and storing milk in the freezer. I think I am obsessed about this whole breastfeeding thing! Well, during the 1st 3 days, I had so little milk. The little one would demand to be fed every 30 minutes and I felt like completely giving up breastfeeding. BUT just thinking about the benefits the little one would get reminded me to just "keep going." So I did. And now I think I have to much milk.

I've lost a total of 14lbs so far. Of course I am ecstatic!

My 7 year old graduated from pre school today. More on that also later.
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How have all of you been?

How It All Happened

I went for my last pre natal check up on the 4th. My OB gave me instructions about when to go to the hospital, what to expect when I get to the hospital, etc. At this point, I was freaking out - again. Even after 3 CS deliveries, I tell you, the fear of giving birth DOES NOT go away. Questions like "what if I don't wake up after the operation," "what if something is wrong with the baby," "what if I become paralyzed" were making me all dizzy.

I tried to sleep that night.

The next day, I did some very last minute errands and then my husband and I trooped to the hospital around 4 in the afternoon. I went straight to the OB department and went through their standard SOP procedures. The medical resident who was attending to me kept looking at me and then she finally said that I looked so familiar. And then a light bulb lit up "I also took care of you 2 years ago!" Haha. She was in her 2nd year of residency when I gave birth in 2006 and now she is finishing her 4th and last year. I sort of felt good knowing that I was in good hands.

Half way through, the medical resident said that my OB called and gave her instructions to do an I.E. (internal exam). I hate I.E.'s!! So I asked why it was necessary given that I was going to be operated on the next day anyway. Anyway, after a few attempts of persuading them not to follow my OB's instructions, I had to be an obedient patient and do what they asked me to do. It turns out that I was already 2cm dilated and 40% effaced. That was so funny for me. At that point, I sort of hoped I would go into labor so that the labor pains would help distract me from the whole CS paranoia.

They monitored me through the night because I was also having contractions already. But to my dismay, labor did not arrive.

So, at 6 the next day, I took a shower -- feeling totally nervous already-- and tried to prep myself. They picked me up from my room at 7 and wheeled me to the OR to prepare me. Oh my gosh let me just say, I thought I was going to die! Die of fear. The nurses and interns in their scrubs, the smell of the antiseptic, the white walls and the cold, cold feel of the operating room was perfect for my cardiac arrest! Everyone who asked me how I was doing got the same response from me "I'm not Ok. I'm scared." That was exactly how I was in 2006 during my 2nd delivery. Of course when I look back at the experience now, I can't help but laugh!

Anyway, one by one, my doctors started to arrive. The anesthesiologist came first. She's a bit ripe n age already but is the sweetest lady ever. She asked me how I was doing - and she got the same answer-- and she said "Don't be scared, I'm going to take care of you. I took care of you during you're 1st and 2nd CS operations and I'm going to do the same now." Then my OB came. She knows me all too well. Without saying anything to her, she squeezed my hand and said "you're so tense again. Relax." And then she prayed for me. Then the pediatrician came. All bubbly and excited.

Then in an instant, they were asking me to go into fetal position already. Oh my gosh I thought I was really really going to pass out. My OB held my hand and then told me not to move because the needle was in already. Oh my gosh! And then it happened so fast. I could feel my feet numbing already so the nurses had to help me get back to the flat lying position. And then the anesthesiologist started testing up to where the anesthesia already reached. Before I knew it they were all around my stomach area already. One anesthesiology intern (who was very kind enough to hold my hand through out the whole thing) kept me updated about what was going on. And then she said "Ok, they're already in."

There were so many voices and so many people talking I was so dizzy. "Ok last layer," "There's your baby's head now," "Oh my there's a lot of hair!" "We're going to have to push him out a little," "You're going to feel some pressure'" "Oh he's a lot bigger than we expected." But this is what really got me, my OB said "He's a girl." My world stopped for a moment there. The first thought that came to my mind was "NO that can't be. I'm having a boy." And then she says "Kidding." And then we all laughed.

"There he is!" everyone said.

Then I heard his cry. And then I passed out.

He's Here!

Euan Arrow. March 6, 2009. 3.28kg. 50cm.

Almost There

It's been a month - or more than a month- since I last posted! Many reasons.

I will be giving birth in 5 days, can you believe it? Aside from being busy preparing the baby things I will be needing, I have been busier trying to prepare the 2 boys and myself for the coming of yet another baby boy. I have mixed feelings again right now. Excited but also scared. Scared of the whole operation, about the whole adjustment period and the added responsibility of bringing another human into this world.

Please pray for me and the baby.

Will post pictures as soon as.

Today Felt Warm

Because I inherited the house of my Dad which he built for my Mom -- for which I am ever so grateful -- I also inherited everything in it. Given that both my parents "went" abruptly and in a span of just 1 1/2 years, there were and still are so many of their things in the house.

When Dad died, Mom and I sort of just left his things the way they were. It was probably our way of coping. His favorite jacket swung over on his chair, his typewriter on the table with an unfinished article. It probably took us a year to finally move those things. Most of his clothes were packed but never really given away. When my Mom died 18 months later, I decided to do the same. In fact, I only got to really sort through her things last year.

Part of my not wanting to touch their things involved the feeling of guilt. I felt that giving away their things meant me forgetting them and removing them from the memories of our home.

Slowly, I realized that I had would have to face the inevitable. With a growing family, I would need more and more space in the house for newer things. I started clearing things out this year, muttering under my breath as if talking to Mom and Dad that this was in no way a sign that I was trying to get rid of memories of them. I was filled with peace.

Today I decided to continue cleaning up. I stumbled across a wooden box. I opened it and saw that they were a bunch of letters of my Mom to my Dad. So I read them, knowing fully that I would end up crying. Just seeing the handwriting of my Mom made me feel so close to her. It was such a familiar feeling seeing her strokes.

Time changes people. Circumstance as well. I may have changed everything between them when I came into this world. They were letters written when they weren't married yet. And they were so full of love and passion -- something I never quite imagined existed when they were both still alive.

I got to know them a little bit more again. And that craving to be with them intensified all the more.

Little by little I will explore more corners of our house and discover more and more things that made it a home over the years.

With tears shed over memories stumbled upon, a heart is made warm.

Ya - Hoo - Oooh!!

I have been dying to blog about this since last week but I was just so scared that I would jinx the whole thing by talking about it too soon. That always happens to me. Anyway. I have HUGE news. I think my 2 year 8 month old IS potty trained. (Choir of angels singing in the background).

Its been a week since the whole "drama" that ensued last Saturday morning -- with my little one complaining of an "ouch diaper." So far, he has been able to pee and poop in the bathroom. I am crossing my fingers that he will never look back and want to go back to wearing his nappies!!!!

Indeed this is a milestone but also a reminder that my baby is slowly becoming a big boy.

Goodbye size XL nappies!

Hello New Born nappies.

A HUGE Decision

This may be a controversial post to some. For me, I just need your thoughts on it.

In 6 weeks, I will be delivering our 3rd baby. And I have to decide whether this will be my last one. Whether I will decide to permanently say goodbye to the chances of having another baby again.

There are many many things going through my mind right now. I have had sleepless nights just thinking about it. I have been open about my use of contraceptives -- pills and shots. But now I have to decide whether or not I go for a ligation already or not. My husband is 90% sure that I should go for it.

Why go for it?

The first thing that comes to my mind is for health reasons.Well for beginners, this is technically my 4th pregnancy. I had a miscarriage before I had my now 7 year old. And this will be my 3rd C-section. Aside from this, I also am tired physically and emotionally. Raising children is not easy. From the time they are born to the time they become adults ready to face the world on their own. We once had a discussion with my husband where we agreed that the financial obligations of raising a child is a given - no matter how difficult times may get. But the harder part is raising them well to become good men, to see them well into their adult lives knowing that when the time comes to "let them go," you will be able to do so with all confidence. I also feel that I want to be able to completely focus on them. For me (it may not be the same with other moms out there), I can get so caught up and distracted with 2 children more so when the little one comes what more if I add more to the brood?

Why not go for it?

Because I am still pretty young - 26. There are so many what if's as well. What if I will want another one in 5 years? A child is always a blessing no matter what. There are so many other people out there who want to have children but for some reason can't and here I am considering permanently shutting my door to the possibility of being blessed to take care of another baby.

Why not go for other methods?

Because I don't like its effect on me. Playing with my hormones does not seem to agree with me physically. I bloat. I retain water. I get headaches. I don't feel well while on it. Plus I want to be realistic meaning using the "all natural way." In that area, I may say we may not yet be that disciplined.

I'm torn.

We All Want Happy endings

We brought the kids to watch Bedtime Stories. As usual, Adam Sandler was great. I laughed a lot and the kids generally enjoyed the whole movie. I did for a moment there wish that that could happen in real life. Tell a story to the children before they go to bed and hope that that story would come true the next day. Tell a story about whatever your heart desires -- your innermost desires, your hopes and your wishes, your dreams.

Adam Sandler (while talking to his niece and nephew) said something like, "There are no happy endings in real life. The sooner you learn about that, the better."

Point taken, fact proven. Life is harsh.

And we try to protect our children from getting hurt -- physically, emotionally. Up to what point should we protect them?

I try to show my children painful reality. Children begging on the street, why there are vagrants, children abandoned in the orphanage. I tell them that times are hard now -- cut down on eating out, less buying of toys, settling for more affordable brands. Focusing on needs and lessening our wants. Being content with what we have. But I know that life, for them, is still comfortable.

Sometimes I feel that one will never know how difficult life is without experiencing it directly. How can you feel what a beggar feels unless you yourself have to beg? How can one feel what it feels like not to have anything to eat unless you really don't have anything to eat.

It is hard. But that's what reality is.

I wish not for my children to have to go through such. But I also hope that young as they are, they will be able to empathize with those who are not as blessed as they are. I don't want them to live a life forever wearing pink colored glasses.

What A Way To Start The Year

I have a co-worker who was 2 months pregnant ahead of me. Her due date was supposed to be on Monday. Well she went into labor today. But her baby girl died. According to her boss who told me what happened, the umbilical cord of the baby was wrapped around the baby's neck. They didn't do a c-section (I don't know exactly why) so when she was able to bring out the baby, the baby was already dead. It was her first baby.

So sad. So tragic. Paranoia fills me. My heart is breaking. I don't know what I'm going to say when I get to see her. I don't know how I'm going to act.

Is the doctor to blame? Was it fate? I don't know what to think of it. What to think of things like these. Why do they have to happen?

I pray she will get through this.

Happy Birthday Ma

Ma,

Today you would have turned 61 and I'm sure you would have celebrated it. If Dad were around, he would have joked you about your being older than him again.

I've realized how much I miss you and need you. I find myself yearning to call on you -- to say the word Ma. Now that I have transitioned into a young woman, I often feel that I have so much to ask a mother. From the dishes you used to cook to the people you used to know to advise on how I should handle my marriage. I still have your cellphone number stored in my phone and sometimes I still dial your number knowing fully the voice I will hear on the other end -- "The number you dialed is incorrect."

Now that I have in a small way established myself in this world, I can't help but want so much for you to be around. I want to give back to you all you have done.

3 years. But it still seems like yesterday when everything was OK. I no longer blame the cancer. I've learned to release the anger I felt when the chemo didn't completely cure the cancer. But cancer still pains me and sometimes when I think about it, I get scared. Dreading to ever get it myself.

I am consoled knowing that in heaven there is no cancer, in heaven there are no tears.

I love you Ma.

Happy Birthday!

Welcoming In The New Yaer

Today marks the last day of a wonderful 2 week vacation. Tomorrow I go back to reality. Back to work. Back to waking up early. Back to hectic mornings and drained out evenings.

Last week, we said goodbye to our relatives who flew back to the States and Canada. I felt a huge lump in the my throat. I hate goodbyes. They just appeal to me as events which are very sad.

2008 was the year that was. 2009 is the year that will be. In spite of the many economic problems the world faces now, coupled with so many other implications that accompany it, I still want to look forward to this year with a heart full of hope and faith that things should get better

This year will be a big year for us. My eldest will be graduating from pre school come this March and as he moves on the Grade 1 we will have to decide whether or not to keep him in his old school or move him out to a new one. My 2nd turns 3 in May and also, we will have to decide whether or not to put him in pre school already or wait another year. Come March we will also be welcoming another new member of the family.

My head starts to spin thinking of all the events this year will bring. But at the same time, I would want to believe that is is going to be a great year.

How do you see this year coming along?

New Year, New Reads

**Edited: Sorry for the backwards pictures. I held the books up using Photobooth because I was too lazy tp take pictures of them with my camera and then upload them.
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There are 3 books I have to make sure I read this coming new year. Essentials-- I may say to survive the year ahead.

1. Bringing Up BoysFor the simple reason that I have 3 boys.

2. The Dangerous Book For Boys
I remember stories of my Dad about his childhood. Of tadpoles and crickets. Of scars and bruises. Fond memories of his boyscout days. I wish I paid more attention. I wish I knew better. But who would have known? I was a girl. My interests revolved around paper dolls and cooking sets.
Now there's no one to ask.
This book will help me get through.


3. A Year In High Heels Because in spite of the fact that our home is filled with testosterone, nothing will change the fact that I am a still a girl.

I Just Can't Get Enough

There's just something magical about this island for me. The white sand, the clear, calm waters and the blue skies make me feel like I'm in paradise. The sun burns. The water cools. I just can't get enough of it.

He Would Have Been 60.

Happy 60th Dad.
I miss you so much.
Each day I still wish you were still alive -- still with us to celebrate life.
It pains me to know that my sons will never grow up with a Grandpa.

I Love You.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas, for most of us is a time when families get together. Eat. And enjoy the merrymaking. It for me, is made more special when relatives come home for the holidays and are able to spend quality time together. It warms our hearts.

Plus I get 2 weeks off from work. Heaven!

Merry Christmas everyone! How was yours?

How I Really Feel

When I am pregnant I am moody, needy, clingy, unpredictable, emotional. And the person who has to bear most of my bad side is my husband. Of course because I expect him to understand what I'm going through. Some may say its psychological or all in the mind. I don't know. But sometimes, he just doesn't get it. And when he doesn't, I get all sensitive about it and would rather pout in one corner and sulk. Ok, you may add immature, childish and selfish to the list.

But seriously? That's what I hate about being pregnant. I'm just so full of insecurities inside. I find myself not being able to do things on my own anymore. Like a handicapped person, I can't move without someone beside me. And I prefer that someone to be my husband.

A bunch of emotions surges all over me and often times I don't know what to do with the feeling. I prefer not to tell anyone about how I feel out of sheer fear that they would tell me that I'm being unreasonable. And the feelings bottled up inside just make me feel like I want to explode anytime.

I'm glad I just have 87 days to go. Still a long time but I know we'll get there.

Is it just me? Am I the problem?

I'd Rather Have This Conversation 10 Years From Now

At the dinner table

Josh: I have a crush

SILENCE

Me: Really? Who is she?

Josh: Uhm...Her name is Yuwi.

Me: What's her real name? Or complete name? Is it just Yuwi?

Josh: I don't know her complete name.

Me: Is she you friend? Why don't you ask her tomorrow.

Josh: I can't and she's not my friend.

Me: Why not?

Josh: Us boys don't talk to the girls.

Me: Why?

Josh: Because.

Me: Is she a nice girl?

Josh: She's adorable mom.

GEEEEEEZ.

I'm Marking Each Day with an X

It has been, for the past 3 years-- and if I may start calling it, a family tradition (my Dad's side of the family) to have an out of town vacation when relatives from abroad come home for the holidays. My uncle and cousin flew in from Canada a week ago. In 5 days, my other cousin from Oregon is arriving and in a week, my Aunt and 2 of my cousins will be arriving from Canada as well.

I love family time. And I love it even more when a lot of them can make it home. Partly because without having any siblings (and now, parents), it sure can get so damn lonely.

So in 6 days 3 Aunts, 1 Uncle, 5 cousins, 2 sons and a husband are heading off to the beach for some great family time.

Like a child who has been promised her dream toy for Christmas, I can't wait for Friday to come when I get to shut down my computer at work, lock my cabinets and bid my officemates a 5 day farewell to go give myself a well deserved break.

'Tis The Season

The cool breeze....The Christmas songs...

The word SALE posted on almost every store window...
Christmas sure is in the air!

And I love it!

When Hearts Silently Break

Last week, my pre schooler brought a donut to school for his snack. When I got home, our househelp / nanny informed me that she found that my son only finished half of his donut. I wondered why. My son loves that particular kind of donut. So I asked him. He said:

"Jacob saw my donut, got it from me while I was eating it and then licked it and then returned it to me."

Seriously? I wanted to smack the kid. That Jacob. How dare him.

I asked my son why Jacob did that and he said he didn't know. I asked him if he did anything to Jacob and he said he didn't do anything. I asked him what he did after Jacob did that and he said he just kept what was left of his snack. I asked him if he told his teacher about it and he said he didn't.

So I wrote my son's teacher quite a lengthy letter.

What do you do when your child is bullied?

I had to explain to my son that he should never allow people to treat him that way. Be nice to others but defend yourself when you need to. I will not be there to always protect him. The day will come when he will have to fend for himself -- he will have to face the harsh realities of this world on his own. And it breaks my heart -- it always does.

Anyway, the teacher apologized, informed me that she informed Jacob's parents, etc.

I understand that its something we as parents can never control. we can't always shield our children, I know that. But you know, when our children get hurt, silently our hearts break.

Can You Tell Me How To Get To...

Here you leave today and enter the world of yesterday, tomorrow and fantasy

If anybody can give me directions going to such a place, please feel free to leave me a comment.

My New Job

I never really had a problem leaving my 2 1/2 year old son when he was a baby and I had to leave for work. I figured he was a bit more secure so when I would have to turn him over to the nanny when it was time for me to leave for work, he would barely fuss. I'd kiss him and hug him and would tell him I'd be back. No issues.

Until 2 weeks ago when he probably decided it was time to make an issue out of it. While leaving for work one day, he looked at me with his puppy dog eyes while making sure his smile showed his deep dimples and said "Mom? I go with you?" I explained he had to stay, just like he always did. I told him I'd be back. "No Mom, I go with you." I explained again. "No Mom. I GO WITH YOU." (His tone of voice slightly changing). So I embraced him and told him how exciting his day was going to be -- play in the garden, bike out front, eat cookies. "I go with you Mom." I knew a tantrum was coming. I was running late. Everything started to get messy.

So I did the unforgivable.

I lied. Aarghh.

"Mom's going to the office to get rid of all the big cockroach! Do you want to come with me?"

His eyes grew wide and suddenly he was so concerned about my safety. He gets terrified when he hears the word cockroach or sees a cockroach. "Mom go whip cockooch?"

So now, everytime I come home from work I have a 2 1/2 year old little boy who runs to greet me at the door ever so thankful that nothing happened to his mom while at work while killing the cockroach. "Mommy!! No more cockooch?" "Yey Mom!!"

Now I'm a hero. The incredible cockroach killer. That's what I do now for a living.

Look Away. Its A Pregnancy Update.

So I went for my 23rd week OB check up. So far I have gained 2kg. It's pretty bad but my OB said the baby is growing bigger and bigger and seems healthy. I'm thinking that I probably am losing the weight but its going to the baby. I lost a total of 2kgs during my 1st trisem and then sort of didn't gain the past month. This is the smallest weight gain I have had compared to my past 2 pregnancies with my 6 year old and 2 year old. I'm not really worried because I still look huge and my belly is getting bigger by the day.

I have a low lying placenta and the baby seems to be in breech position. Good thing I'm really going to deliver via CS.

I have chosen a delivery date which will be March 3rd. I found the 03-06-09 thing nice.

As for the name, we're still thinking about it. I can't believe I have just 3 more months left.

That's What You Call Password Overload

Years ago when email was very new, I had absolutely NO problem remembering my user name and password. But as the years have gone by and the net has become a very convenient way of doing almost anything from sending email to paying bills on line to accessing billing details to online banking -- and oh yeah my blog too, user names for almost all accounts and not to forget the passwords that go with it have been piling up. Are you with me? How can we keep track?

Yesterday, I was going to pay my credit card online using the Internet banking service of my ATM and then my mind just went blank! I initially typed what I thought was my user name and password and after 3 tries a pop up window saying "your account has been disabled. please contact the bank" left me staring blankly at it and wondering what else could my password be?? Could it be this? No that's my password for my blog. Could it be that? No that's for my email. I thought I had the same password as my airline mileage on line account? Oh but no, I remember I had to change it.

So then I decided to call customer service. I dislike doing that because it takes forever to get connected to a customer rep! I spent around 20 minutes of my precious day waiting to be connected to one. Finally I got to speak to one. After all the verifying the rep finally gave me a temporary password.

So I went back on line and accessed my account. Voila I was able to get through. Now I had to change my password. So i entered my NEW password. Once the page was refreshed, a notice informing me that I could not use the last 3 passwords I had already used in past. So after again, typing a new password and having the page refreshed, I got the same notice. So i tried a different password and then got the same notice. Because I play around with names and numbers which I know I will never forget, I often try to use the same passwords because I get so confused! On my 3rd attempt at changing my password, I get a pop up window that said "your account has been disabled. please contact the bank."

Frustrating!

So I got my purse, walked to the nearest bank and fell in line to pay my bills.

So much for convenience!

Perspective Of A 2 Year Old

Conversations with the little guy are starting to really amuse me.

Dash: Mom? Buy Howlk?

Me: You have lots of toys already sweetie.

Dash: Peees Mom? Buy Howlk?

Me: Where are we going to get the money to buy Hulk sweetheart?

Dash: In da bag (points to my bag)

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Dash: Josh? Chupchup (Asking for his pacifier)

Josh: No

Dash: Peees Josh get chupchup?

Josh: Nope

Dash: Peees Josh??!!!??

Josh finally gives in and sticks the paci in Dash's mouth.

Josh: why do you love your chupchup so much?? Does it taste like ice cream??

Dash: Yah

HONGKONG

We went on a short 4-day holiday to Hongkong. We had a blast and I want another vacay. NOW.

An Pleasant Reminder

We attended my husband's cousins wedding over the weekend. I love attending weddings-- it's an occasion just so full of emotions. While sitting in the church waiting for the bride to finally walk down the aisle, I couldn't help but remember my wedding day.


The Prayer was sang as the beautiful bride slowly walked down the aisle with her father. A huge knot began to form in my throat. As her father gave her away, people started to wipe away their tears. The ceremony was solemn but brief. I was thankful for the message of the priest because it reminded me again of the importance of marriage. The hustle and bustle of everyday life often distracts me from certain things I should focus on. My priorities get jumbled a lot of times and I often end up neglecting people and things who deserve my love and attention. I allow petty things to destroy the day without realizing how much is being compromised because of my own selfishness.

I closed my eyes and said a prayer.

The reception that followed of course was for everyone to enjoy.

I am thankful for my husband. I am thankful for my children.

I am thankful for family.

More Color Blue

I went for my 2nd trisem ultrasound last week. Let me just say that everytime I have an ultrasound (I have had probably almost more than 20 scans in my entire lifetime! OC me), I always feel so, so nervous. Paranoia just fills my entire being -- what if the baby isn't there anymore? what if they see something wrong with the baby's heart, what if there's a left or a finger or a toe missing? And my heart begins to race so fast.

So anyway, I went for my scan. And voila! I'm really starting to believe that my body is really made for making boys. It sort of drove me hysterical just thinking of all the testosterone that will fill our home.

I walked out of the doctors clinic thankful that the baby was doing OK. Very energetic--he kept kicking the whole time.

Now on to what to name him.

Drumming My Fingers While Waiting For A Light Bulb Moment

He kicked the habit when he was 4 1/2. My 6 year year old son I mean. His addiction to thumb sucking. I thought it would NEVER end. But it did.

So I was pretty damn proud of myself for having been able to control my 2nd son's thumb from finding a comfortable place in his mouth when he was a baby. Unfortunately, he discovered something more comforting.
I have my faults, I admit. It was convenient for me in the beginning. He'd cry (but was full), pop the paci into his mouth. It would keep him busy.


And today, he still thinks its comforting. Only, his lovey Tigger has been added to his must have's. Or else a major melt down happens.Tigger can stay. But seriously, the paci's gotta make an exit soon.

The Scar It Left

3 years ago, I was faced with fear.
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To best describe it, I thought I was well into accepting the reality. But as I look back on all of it now, I somehow regret it. Why didn't I just remain true to what I truly felt? Maybe I contributed to her being so discouraged? Just looking at her made me want to fully acknowledge the fact that that was it, that the end of the line had come. Because so many people also told me to do so. But deep down inside, even in her worst condition, I was still wishing that she would get up, cancer free and live a normal life.
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She left on a Sunday morning.
-
I said she was in peace. I knew she was no longer suffering.
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Today more than ever, I miss her.
-
Why did cancer choose her? It chooses no one.

HAH! Who Would Have Thought.

This is it. The time that I never imagined myself facing has finally come. Doing homework with my child. I never gave serious thought to anything beyond breastfeeding, bottles, diapers, burping, crawling, 1st day of Kindergarten, school programs. I mean I seriously thought that was it. Gawd!

He used to bring home pages to be colored, pictures to be cut out or letters to be traced. I could deal with that.

Two days ago he came home with an assignment. He needs to do an oral report on Somalia and pick one holiday celebrated by that country. And because I was trying to be traditional, I referred to the good ol' World Book encyclopedia. I did get relevant information but I had to admit that nothing would beat the World Wide Web.

Anyway. So OK an oral report. I realized how physically draining and emotionally draining it was and still is (as we are still half way through his report) for both my son and I! I had to remind myself a million times that I wasn't the one doing the report but it was my son. That it wasn't MY report but his. That my son was doing a report for a 6 year old. Many many times I forgot that it wasn't a report for a 26 year old lady enrolled in a masteral class. So I had to edit and re-edit so much information. And then there was the writing problem. Of course as we were reading through articles, I expected him to start jotting down notes but then again he is 6! And then both of us started to get frustrated. And many times I told myself that this is HIS report and not mine. All I must do is guide him and help him and not dictate upon him how he should do it.

Of course as I sit here now, I find myself shaking my head while laughing.

Wait until he brings home Algebra problems sets. Totally out of here.

When Oh When

I can't believe it's already mid - October. Where did the 1st 2 weeks of October go? Better yet, where did the past 9 months go? Time. It flies.

During my last OB visit, my doctor told me I can start thinking of when I want to deliver. I can give birth March 4 onwards. That's only 4 freaking months away. Since I can never deliver normal and will forever have to go through a C-section, I look at it as a blessing that I can in one way or another choose the birthday of my baby.

So when should I give birth? Given that my 6 year old graduates from pre-school on March 21, I would want to at least not look so swollen / bloated on his graduation day. So I was thinking of giving birth on March 5 or 6. I searched the net for famous birthdays and found that Andy Gibb and Niki Taylor were born on the 5th and Tom Arnold and Shaq were born on the 6th. Sometimes though I wish that I would just naturally go into labor (like I did with my eldest) and then just have the surgery when that happens. Fat chance.

I'm still looking fat rather than pregnant so I do get A LOT of comments like "Looks like you've gained some weight! Eating must be so much fun for you" or "Did you quit going to the gym?" To which I answer "Yes I quit gym and I love to eat." And then flash them a huge smile.

My 6 year old is extremely excited about his "new brother." He says the 3 of them are going to be just like the Jonas brothers. And who in the world are the Jonas brothers, I ask. He gives me this lengthy explanation and says I should watch more of the Disney channel. One time I started to talk to him about how we have to start saving more since there's going to be 3 of them already and how the economy has been affecting us, etc. He listened intently and then said "Maybe if you shopped less, we'd save more money Mom." Smart kid. Left me speechless.

Lessons Learned

I thought it would be a great idea to ask my older cousin Tanya (who babysat / entertained / cared for my 6 year old for 4 days in Manila) to write about her experience with my son.

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Saturday, October 4, 2008

A Six Year Old Pedestrian

Lessons I've re-learned from my six-year old nephew in a span of 4-days.

1) Mornings are for waking up.
A conversation between my nephew and myself went like this:
Josh: What time will you wake up tomorrow?
Me: When you wake up
Josh: Nooooo.... you're still asleep when I'm awake eh!

2) Eat complete meals. Snacks are not considered meals.
Meals mean rice and cooked food. Bread does not constitute a meal, it is a snack. There are three meals in a day and one should cook or prepare adequately for a meal. Meals are important if you want to keep up with the energy of a six-year old.

3) Footprints and handprints are forgivable.
Black footprints on immaculately white sala cushion covers or lemon yellow dining room seats, or oily fingerprints on car uphostery are not so bad when the cause is a six-year old who feels comfortable enough to crawl into these seats. Solution, assign him a specific dining room seat for the duration of his stay. Less chairs to clean that way. And oh, wash his feet often and name him Joshua Blackfoot (i think he actually likes the sound of it)

4) Keep your promises.
Promises are made to be kept whether it be a glass of halo-halo in Chowking or a visit to a children's fun center or a morning of swimming in the pool. Trust is built on keeping one's word. In return, you also have a cooperative and pleasant kid along during the time you also have to go to a meeting or the office. He keeps his word too.

5) Decisions are best made with everyone's participation.
Each day begins with the writing of a list. A list of tasks, errands and also fun things to be done. This way, the day is both structured and planned out. Josh got to write the list and tick off each task as it was done. Spelling was of course subjective but the end of the day felt great: One day's list read something like:

1. Bring "amma bidit" to Ateneo
2. Fix bedings
3. See pool
4. Talk to carpenters
5. Pass auntie's office
6. Red Barn
7. OPAPP (my other office)
8. Meet Shalom at IPD
9. Home
10. The End

6) Children are children and Adults are adults.
No matter how pleasant or structured or fixed are any arrangements, children will at one point throw a tantrum. Be it because they are sleepy or because they miss home, they will cry and refuse to do what they otherwise gladly do (change into house clothes, brush their teeth, go to sleep) and in these instances, be the adult and make them do it but tuck them into bed with a kiss and a hug and a stuffed penguin for lack of any other available replacement for his Pooh bear. In the morning, you'll be greeted bright and early by a smiling kid.

7) Words make powerful impressions.
Chose your words and reasoning well. In explaining why we were not going BACK again to the children's fun center for a third time, I reminded Joshua that in the conference we had come from, there were children of community members who would not even get to see the fun center at all. It seems this image stuck with him as he went home so as to mention it to my mom in Baguio. Another instance was when Josh was given 100 pesos by my mom to buy anything he wanted. I brought him to a toy store where he said he would buy something for himself and for his little brother. I said we woud use his money. After an inordinately long time of going around the aisles, i realized he was not conflicted about which toys to buy, he was trying to see what was not expensive. My heart almost melted thinking no toy these days would be under 100 pesos and he had both himself and his brother to think of. Needless to say, we choose moderately priced toys over 100 pesos and i gladly footed the bill.

8) Children (and no doubt adults too) glow when they know they're loved.
Josh couldn't stop smiling and asking for the story to be repeated that his mom told him over the phone that his brother was looking for him in drawers going "Josh... wer ah yoo..?". Josh looked forward to calling home every night (or anytime he could press the speed dial) and candidly would say he missed his mom and dad and dash and Pooh bear then just as candidly and confidently say they missed him too. A kiss, a hug and a lot of affection would elicit a smile from Josh but not as big as when he was on the way home.

... and that is the biggest lesson of all...

and oh yeah... I need twice the energy I thought I had to keep up. I must have lost 5lbs and a whole day's sleep (or at least the equivalent of a day's sleep for me) in 4 days...

Monkey See, Monkey Do. But What If The Other Monkey Is Missing?

Since my 6 year old is on a 3 week break from school, my cousin thought it would be a good idea to "borrow" him and keep him busy for 4 days. So my Aunt brought my son down to Manila to stay with my cousin.

What happened is for my cousin to tell.

It was the first time in their entire lives that my 6 year old would be separated from his 2 year old brother for that long. I thought it wouldn't make such a big difference but boy it did.

My 6 year old left on the midnight bus trip so the next day, my 2 year old was surprised to see that his older brother was no longer in their room. He went around the house looking for him saying, "Josh? Josh! Josh?! Weh A Yooo?" while looking in the drawers. So I asked him, "Where did Josh go?" Lifting his shoulders he answered "Don Know." Used to playing / imitating / pestering / bickering / competing with his older brother, my 2 year old had to adjust to life at its simplest. Playing alone with no one to fight over toys with. And for the first time, I didn't hear any complaining around the house.

Over the weekend, we took advantage of taking our 2 year old out-- just him. To our surprise, he was the most behaved little angel in the whole wide universe. I didn't have to remind him to keep still in the car nor did I have to keep telling him not to touch this and that. He just sat there until we got to where we were going. We were amazed. And then come lunch time at a restaurant (this is a time I ALWAYS dread -- saving it for another post), he sat on his high chair and patiently waited for the food to be served (!). How great is that?! That NEVER happens when his big brother is around. And when the food came, I prepared a small portion on his plate and he finished it without any dilly-dallying. My husband kept asking if there was anything wrong with him. We couldn't help compare how our 2 year old was being so much like our 6 year old when he was the same age.

I thought to myself, having another child to interact with definitely affects the behavior of another. Since my 2 year old is in the monkey see - monkey do stage, whatever his 6 year old brother does, he thinks he can do --even better. So there are constant bumps and bruises caused by climbing and running and jumping. But this time, my 2 year old was left to interact with adults.

Although we were amazed / amused and happy, we noticed how much my 2 year old was yearning for his brother. My 6 year old came home the following Monday and I could tell how much they missed each other.

The moment he stepped in the door, they started to quarrel over a toy.

Now everything is back to normal.

It Pays To Pay Attention

Now I do remember, years ago -- paying half of my attention to what my Dad was saying -- about my Dad mentioning to me how good an appetite I had. I was probably 12 or 13, when I was at the peak of my growth spurt (if I could call it that, given that I only reached 4'11 1/2). If I do remember correctly, I was eating a snack while he was watching me eat. He went on saying something about how much his mother (my grandmother) would always have to have a food filled ref / cupboard --house in general -- to make sure she kept her 2 (forever) growing boys well fed.
resources running low

Really, I wish I payed close attention to what my Dad said and asked the necessary questions. I wish I paid more attention to what he was saying so that I could also ask my grandmother for advice / tips later on.

Based on my personal experience, it is a MUST when you have boys in the house to make sure that the house NEVER runs empty on food. NEVER. OR ELSE.

My boys are constantly eating / grazing / chewing on something. And if the monthly grocery hasn't been done and they go hungry, they give me the saddest / cheated on a million times / abandoned on the streets / left to fend on their own looks which totally makes me feel like the worst mother in the universe.

Well, I'm off to do the grocery.

I just got the "look" last night.

This Icky Feeling

I knew it. I just knew it. But I never learn! I totally jinxed myself AGAIN. After posting how my pregnancy was going pretty well I came down with the worst colds which was accompanied by an itchy-scratchy throat and had my head aching for the past 3 days. Yesterday at work, my backed started to ache so much that I started to cry.
I went for my check up yesterday. So far, I haven't gained weight BUT the baby is growing. I got to hear the heart beat as well. I was prescribed antibiotics as well.
And with my boss being on leave, I had to go to work this morning. But I really couldn't take it anymore so I took the half day off. Eeech.

For Some Reason

2 years ago, I started this blog. For many reasons -- I thought it was an awesome way of keeping a diary and an even "awesomer" way of meeting great people on line. And I have. And I am thankful that I have developed special ties with some people who even if I have never met in real life, seem like I have known them forever. I have shared my life on this blog and you all have shared your lives with me too. And I am grateful.

Lately though, a number of people I have come to love seem to have grown distant for reasons I don't know. Some have decided to go private with their blogs, some have chosen to suddenly remain silent and some may have completely lost interest. And I do wonder why. At times I think if I'm the problem? I try to think of possible reasons why they decided to do such, was it because of me? What pushed them to suddenly be such?

Maybe they've outgrown it? Maybe they got tired?

I may never get the answers. It will forever remain unsolved. But to all of you who have remained true, please just know I that I am thankful and I'm glad we met.

My First...

... Pregnancy update that is. Funny how I haven't really talked about all my pregnancy symptoms in detail yet.

So far, I'm pretty much done with nausea, throwing up, migraines (oh crossing my fingers I don't want to jinx it!), sensitivity to smell and adverse dislike for certain foods. Thank God.

I am now on to bidding farewell to my high heels and pencil cut skirts and saying hello to unbuttoned pants and maternity tops. Together with this comes a truckload of laziness and whole face covered with zits.

Insomnia has come around the corner too. I've found myself awake at 2 or 3 in the morning so full of energy, as if my mind were so alive. Give it an hour or 2 and then I find myself in dreamland having the hardest time kicking myself awake to get ready for work.

The baby has been doing its job of kicking every once in a while. I feel light flicks through my tummy throughout the day. Pretty exciting.

And then there's this whole paranoia thing I have also been facing. The what if's. What if the baby isn't healthy? What is it comes out not complete? What if there's something wrong? what if I have a miscarriage? Gaaaad.

I've been doing pretty normal for a pregnant gal so far.

No tummy pictures yet. Soon.

TOUGH

How does one collect oneself after giving birth and get ready to leave a baby barely 3 months old with a babysitter for 9 hours a day?

This was a nightmare I was faced with 2 years ago. I thought it would be easy. After a whole month of staying at home, I felt bored and thought I was ready to go back to my "old" day schedule. Surprisingly, as my 78th day of leave slowly approached, I found myself dreading the thought of walking out of the house at 730 in the morning leaving my baby all day. Although blessed with a bay sitter who had been with us for 4 years, I knew it was still my role to primarily watch over and take care of my children.

The day did come and I tell you, I was filled with an insurmountable amount of guilt. At work, my stomach felt queasy and I would feel my heart skip a beat every once in a while. A lot of my officemates assured me that that's the way things really are now a days, that both parents really have to work to support the family. Words of encouragement would make me feel better for a split second.

I would rush home for lunch to feed the baby and leave as much milk as I could for the next 5 hours I would be away again. B the time I would get home, I would be exhausted from work but I still knew that there would still be so much to do until both children would finally settle down to sleep. And then of course, there would be the wee hours in the morning feedings until the baby was about a year old.

2006 was a tough year. I felt the need to prove myself to myself and to many other people that I knew what I was doing and I could manage to do what I knew I needed to do. And when I would feel I would fail, I felt I would spiral into a depression -- a feeling of not being good enough.

It was a dark period in my life. As if I were drowning.

I dread having to feel that way again. March is just around the corner. Before I know it, the 3rd baby will be in my arms. And soon, I will dread the countdown to my last day of maternity leave before 2006 will flash before my eyes again.

One Of Life's Toughest Choices

There's a new book out and I so want to read it. It's entitled The Comeback. It's a compilation of stories of women who left their careers to focus on family and after raising their children, decided to make a comeback in their careers.

I cannot speak for the book since I have not read it. But the topic feels very close to my heart because I am a working mom.

In developing countries like ours, it is almost impossible for both parents not to work to earn to support the family. I may be blessed to have a job which I love doing, which is related to the degree I earned and which I see as the career I would want to see myself continue to grow in. But there are so many other people who work because they simply have to. Because if they don't, their families will not have anything to eat. Because again, in countries like where I live, finding a decent job which pays enough is scarce so a lot of people settle for any job that would pay them even just the minimum.

And sadly, discrimination still looms over our heads. Especially for us women. I have seen it. Women who are married with children, married without children or single with children have a harder time looking for a job. Which is why some women upon finding out their pregnant, feel like the life that lies ahead for them is doomed. Others completely lose their confidence after giving birth and decide not to give their careers a second chance.

Motherhood can never be described. To define its importance would be insulting. YET, our government has failed to recognize its importance. If we deliver via normal deliver, we are only given 60 days of maternity leave. If it is via C-section, we have 78 days. The baby will barely be 3 months old by then. There are so many effects felt by both the mother and the baby.

When a mother goes back to work, there is a insurmountable amount of guilt felt. Should I? Shouldn't I just stay home and be with the baby? But if I don't go back to work, who will still want me after 3 years of being at home? You will no longer have negotiating power.

Some spiral into depression. Others go about in their daily routines in confusion. Some question their worth. Some choose to be indifferent. Others adapt beautifully.

But deep in our hearts, we question ourselves. Is it all worth it?

What IS all worth it?

So Many Questions...But The Answers Are So Few

Josh: Mom, who were the very first people in our city long, long, long ago. Like very long, long, long, long - the very first - long, long ago?

Me: (silence. thinking of an answer. but before I could answer...)

Josh: I think it was God.

Me: Uh Huh...

And then he cuts me off again.

Josh: How did God create people? Did he use mechanics? Or clay?

Me: (Carefully putting my thoughts together to avoid a very lengthy conversation which could last for months on just that topic)

But alas, he couldn't wait for my answer.

Josh: You're having a hard time thinking, huh?

Me: ....

Josh: I'm gonna go with clay.

All Together Now

Want a jaw-dropping-shake-your-head-in-disbelief moment?

Nanny carrying probably a 10 - 11 month old baby. Grandmother pushing stroller. Mother walking behind them. In maternity clothes. Probably 5 or 6 months pregnant.Not sure.

Grandmother parks stroller. Mother sits down and asks for the menu. Nanny and baby sit down.

They get comfortable.

Mother flicks the match and lights her Marlboro. Grandmother asks for a stick and does the same.

Near by, a 26 year old woman, 3 months pregnant drops her jaw and shakes her head in disbelief.

I Can See It Coming

And then from the speakers came...

.... Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...

Ack!

I mean seriously? Is Christmas already around the corner? I counted, we have 111 days to go but the memories of Christmas '07 still seem so fresh. Morning shows keep featuring everything about Christmas. From where to score beautiful / cool / cheap Christmas decors to tips about how to come up with a reasonable Christmas shopping list without having to max out all your cash.

I can't believe that soon, we will be planning the Christmas dinner menu again. Wrapping gifts - oh no, thinking of ways of how to hide the gifts from the kids and then finding the perfect time in the middle of the dead of the night to wrap them.

It is happening, The 'ber" months have set the mood. Early, early sunsets, the chilly air that greets you when you step outside.

3 more months before we close 2008.

Has is it been a good year for you so far?

Times When We Don't Meet Eye To Eye

Josh: Mom, let's play the guessing game! You go first!

Me: Ok. Guess who's blue...

Josh: Blue! (of Blue's Clues)

Me: Nope. He has a red nose. Long skinny arms and legs.

(silence)

Me: Ok, he's a puppet monster.

(silence)

Me: Kids love him (hopeful voice)

Josh: Who's that??!!!

Me: Grover! (Geez)

Josh: Ok, it's still your turn.

Me: Guess who's black and white, is a cat and says "I tot I saw a........"

Josh: Tweety Bird isn't a cat mom.

GEEEEZ.

GAME OVER.